Open Your Eyes
by Montana-Rosalie
Summary: Killian leads a lonely life growing flowers. Emma hadn't seen color in a long time.
1. Ranunculus

**Hello, everybody, I'm back with another story! I promised it would be here before the show returns from hiatus, and here it is; Killian's profession was of course inspired by "The Words" video, and everything else just happened the way all my fics do. Without further ado, on with the story.  
**

* * *

Emma Swan wakes up when her alarm goes off, her heart beating too fast for comfort, slamming painfully against her ribcage as the darkness presses in on her from all sides. She blinks a few times, pushes her hair away from her face with her fingers and tries to take even, slow breaths until her pulse returns to normal, then turns her face toward the window and lets the weak warmth of the sun she feels on her skin brighten up her morning.

Shadows retreat from her mind and the last remnants of the nightmare disappear as she makes her way to the bathroom, her hand trailing along the wall because she doesn't trust herself not to run into it when she's this sleepy.

It is only as she's washing her face and trying to calculate how long has it been since the day she woke up in the hospital after the accident that hasn't haunted her dreams in a long time that she realizes what day it is.

"Happy Birthday to you", she says softly and slides her hand along the edge of the sink until she finds her hairbrush, then busies herself with untangling her long hair instead of thinking about the things she'd rather not think about.

Breakfast consists of eating two pieces of toast with marmalade standing next to the counter in the barely used kitchen, the guy on the radio chattering in the background even though it doesn't really register with Emma what he's saying; he's just there to fill the silence, but today Emma finds his voice extremely annoying.

Another alarm rings when it's time to leave her apartment and Emma scrambles into the hallway, carefully applying mascara and slipping her phone into her bag before she shrugs on her coat and takes her cane from the hook by the door, taking a steadying breath as she opens the door.

Her apartment is the only place where she feels safe because it's the only place where she's absolutely certain of her surroundings, and therefore, of herself.

The old ratty elevator takes forever to reach her floor so Emma descends the stairs as she does every morning, counting them unconsciously and reaching the bottom without really remembering the trip. She exits her building and turns left, leading with her cane and listening to the noise of the city as it wakes up.

She passes the bakery, the clothes store and a bank, then waits at a stoplight and continues on for two blocks before she turns left and passes a flower shop she'd never entered even though her nose tempts her every time she's near it.

Maybe today is the day she goes in, but first she needs to get through another work day and she feels her heart sink in her chest the closer she gets to the City Hall building.

The worst thing is, she should be happy that she even has a job in this economy, much less one that is so easy; she's tasked with transcribing City meetings which take place every Monday, and since four days is a ridiculously long time to get through six hours of a recording and type up what people have said, she ends up spending at least two days a week with nothing to do.

When Emma reaches the office Elsa is already there, tinkering with the radiator again if her mutterings are any indication.

"Morning", Emma greets her and Elsa shrieks a little, a vague image of her colleague pressing her hand to her chest forming in Emma's mind.

"How do you always manage to sneak up on me?" Elsa asks and plops down in her chair while Emma hangs her coat and turns on her computer.

"You just don't pay attention to your surroundings", Emma tells her and she would bet anything that Elsa is sticking her tongue at her.

"I love to live dangerously", Elsa tells her and Emma smiles wryly because they both know that you don't have a choice but live like that when you're blind; just stepping out of your door with nothing but your cane and ears to guide you can prove fatal.

"As we all know", Emma says, and for a moment she thinks she might tell Elsa that today is her birthday, maybe ask her if she'd like to have a drink or cake after work, but at the last moment decides against it.

It's not that she doesn't like Elsa; they've been working together for a few years and they get along fine, but they never hang out after work and Emma can't bring herself to ask if they could because she doesn't want to make their working relationship suffer in case Elsa rejects her offer.

The memories of Lily and her lies still hurt and Emma touches the buttercup tattoo on her wrist, then welcomes the distraction of Walsh when he comes in with the coffee.

"Good morning, ladies", he says and Elsa chuckles, Walsh's hand brushing Emma's when he hands her the cup. "I drew you a heart in the foam."

"What did you draw me?" Elsa asks in a pouty voice as Emma thanks Walsh, trying not to appear flirty in any way, shape or form.

He's a nice enough guy, but she is not interested in romance, much less at a workplace.

"You get a beautiful leaf", Walsh says and quickly retreats from the office, the door clicking shut behind him.

Emma breathes a sigh of relief because today is probably not the day he gathers the courage to ask her out, so she still has enough time to come up with a way to let him down gently.

"He's got it so bad for you", Elsa says and Emma can hear a smile in her voice, so she doesn't tell her that she'd rather he didn't.

After all, the bitches from administration have told her enough times how lucky she is that somebody as dreamy as Walsh has a crush on her, the contempt in their voices clearly relaying their jealousy.

As far as Emma is concerned, they can go ahead and take him.

She is fine on her own.

* * *

Killian Jones is up a few hours before the dawn, throws on a pair of jeans and a flannel shirt before he puts on his prosthetic hand and grabs an axe, the chill in the air quickly forgotten as he chops enough wood to last him for a few days.

His body is awake by the time he's finished and even though his stump aches, Killian relishes the fact that he is able to do this on his own, telling himself that there's nothing he cannot do to combat the memory of lying in a hospital bed and stop himself from remembering how it had felt to lose everything.

The silence is deafening, the nature around him still asleep, and he busies himself with loading the paint bucket with wood and carrying it to the back door.

Killian skips breakfast in favor of showering and loads a few crates of flowers on the back of his truck just as the sun is rising, barely lighting up the pale sky.

Winter is quickly approaching and he wishes he could just hibernate until spring because even with the hothouses he had built on his property, the short days are somewhat empty and make him feel depressed.

He would never admit that he's lonely, but he supposes he must be when the only human contact he gets is with the people who come to buy his flowers.

The ride into town goes by quickly because he's learned to time it with the lull in traffic and by 7:30 the door of his shop is opened and he's sorting through the morning delivery.

It's impossible for him to grow all his flowers but he often catches himself daydreaming of finding somebody to help him so that he can try, but he knows some dreams aren't meant to come true and focuses on the task at hand.

At 7:50 on the dot he looks up and watches the golden-haired girl walk by, her steps sure despite the white cane in her hand, her head canting a little and her shoulders lifting as she inhales.

It makes him smile, and he wonders if today is the day she finally comes in, but she continues on and he does his best to ignore the stab of disappointment in his gut.

He wants to go to the doorway and watch her, just to make sure she makes it to the Hall safely, but he gets the feeling that she wouldn't like that if she knew, so he doesn't give into the temptation.

Although he doesn't even know her name, Killian knows that it's been almost a year since the mystery girl moved in a few blocks from his shop, and he's beginning to worry that she is never going to come into his shop no matter how many fragrant blossoms he positions right next to the door.

"Why do you always look so pensive when she walks by?" Will asks as he struggles to get a crate through the door and Killian rolls his eyes, grabbing one corner and helping him with it.

"I am not pensive."

"Look in the mirror, mate. Your face is under the definition of pensive."

"Mind your own business, Scarlet", Killian snaps but Will just grins and goes out to his truck to get another load.

"Why don't you ever try talking to her?" Will asks just as an old lady walks in, then roars with laughter when she practically runs out.

"You're scaring away my customers."

"When was the last time you went on a date?"

"Will, I swear to God-"

"Okay, okay, I'm backing off. You're so damn touchy."

"And you're annoying", Killian tells him, deliberately giving his full attention to the bouquet he has to finish by 8:15.

"You need to get out more. Let's go down to the pub tonight and get sloshed", Will suggests enthusiastically and Killian lifts his eyebrow because they both know he's in bed by ten. "Oh come on, live a little."

"Maybe some other time", Killian says noncommittally and shifts his fake hand in a position that will allow him to hold the flowers in place as he wraps the paper around the stems.

"You have no intention of ever going anywhere other than home after work, do you?" Will asks, for once dropping the town fool act and looking at Killian steadily until he meets his gaze.

"I didn't say that."

"It's what you meant", Will says and shakes his head as he moves to the door. "If you're not careful life will pass you by and you're going to end up alone."

"I don't mind being alone", Killian says after Will had already left and stares at the flowers until he's not even seeing the colors anymore, then shakes himself and hastens to finish the bouquet.

The morning goes by slowly, just a few people coming in to browse and not a single one of them buying anything, but thankfully Killian's already got a few weddings lined up for this month so he doesn't have to worry about the money.

He closes the shop at noon and crosses the street to eat at Granny's, thumbing through the newspaper and avoiding making eye contact with the other patrons.

Granny gives him a disapproving look when she brings by his order and he dutifully puts away the paper, jumping a little when she rests her hand on his shoulder in passing.

Killian can't remember the last time somebody touched him so warmly, and Granny sometimes looks at him with such worry that he feels embarrassed for making her fuss over him; it's not her way of handling her customers, not even the regulars, so Killian must seem truly pathetic for her to channel a caring grandma.

"Alright there, Jones?" She asks and he nods with a smile that she'd have to be blind to buy, then digs into his food and tells himself once more that he's alright.

There's nothing wrong with preferring your own company.

Some people are just meant to be alone.

* * *

**Review?**


	2. Gloxinia

**You guys are amazing to me, and I can't thank you enough for all the follows, favorites and reviews you've left me after the first chapter. I hope you keep enjoying the story, and see you on Tuesday for the next chapter!**

* * *

When four o'clock finally rolls around and Emma can leave the office she does so as quickly as possible to avoid bumping into Walsh because he always offers to walk her home and she's getting tired of telling him that she can find her building alone.

It's been a decade since the day Emma had opened her eyes to the darkness but she still gets annoyed when people assume she can't deal with life on her own and don't wait for her to ask for help, assuming she's shy or embarrassed to do it.

Luckily, Emma manages to evade Walsh, but before she makes it down half a block the sky opens with a vengeance and Emma curses under her breath, trying to orientate herself and decide where to duck for cover.

The aroma of flowers tickles her nose and she turns toward the shop where it comes from, her mind made up for her when the rain intensifies; Emma sighs and reaches out her hand, searching for the knob and feeling awfully self-conscious, hoping that whomever might be inside isn't watching her fumble around.

"Hello?" She says as soon as she enters and closes the door, but doesn't move further into the shop, afraid of accidentally knocking something over.

"I'll be right with you", comes a reply from the back room, and Emma's eyebrows shoot up in surprise because this is probably the last place she would expect to hear a smooth male voice with a British accent like the one the owner of this flower shop possesses.

"Take your time", she calls back and follows her nose, her fingers finding soft petals before she leans down to take a sniff.

"Sorry I've kept you waiting", the voice is much closer this time and Emma wonders if this is how Elsa had felt this morning, then smiles to herself and straightens up, facing the florist who stands stock still a few feet away from her. "How may I help you?"

Now that he'd seen Emma and her cane, there's a note of apprehension in his voice that stings even though she's used to it, but she decides to ignore it and tells him that her original idea was to hide from the rain, but now that she's here, she might as well buy herself some flowers.

"Do you have houseplants here?"

"I do, yes. What kind would you like, lass?" The man asks and comes to stand in front of Emma, close enough so that that his scent reaches her but far enough not to make her feel crowded. Judging from the place his voice comes from she deduces that he must be taller than her, but beyond that she's completely stumped as to his appearance.

Not that it matters either way, but it's absolutely impossible not to like his voice and the faint scent of the ocean and leather that surrounds him.

"I'm not sure. Something that smells nice and won't demand too much attention?" She says it like it's a question and wonders what is it about this man that makes her feel so unbalanced.

"I'm sure we can find something. Would you like to come with me to the shelf or do you prefer if I bring the pots to you?" He asks her and she appreciates that he's leaving the choice to her.

"Bring them to me", Emma says because having strangers touching her and leading her places is not her thing, even if they sound incredibly proper.

The first flower he brings her is an african violet and Emma scrunches up her nose because even though she remembers liking the color purple, she finds their smell too heavy and she's not afraid to tell him so.

"Maybe something less overwhelming", the florist murmurs more to himself than her and retreats, leaving her wondering why couldn't he have brought one pot in each hand, but in the end she supposes he didn't want to confuse her nose and she waits anxiously for the next flower.

"What is this one called?" She asks when he returns and leans closer to smell whatever he's holding out to her, her hand brushing the leather glove he's wearing as she reaches out to touch the flower.

"Gloxinia", he says, and she wonders if it's her fault he sounds so subdued.

"What color is it?" Emma asks next, her fingertips caressing the thin petals gently, and she is well aware that he's looking at her and not the flower in his hands.

"This one is red but I have a few shades of purple too", he answers and Emma asks him to pick a purple one for her. "Lighter or darker?"

"Dark", she says and inquires about him making deliveries.

There's a slight pause before he answers and then he tells her that he does.

"I'm going to need your name and address", he says and Emma rattles it off, trying to hear if the rain is still falling outside. "It was nice to meet you, Emma."

"You too…" She trails off and catches herself wanting to know his name even though it shouldn't matter to her; after all, she might never talk to him again.

"Killian. Killian Jones", he says and she smiles, holding out the money and turning toward the door as soon as he takes it. "Wait. Take my umbrella."

"It's okay, my building is just a few blocks away", Emma tells him but she gets the feeling he won't take no for an answer, judging by the urgent sound of his footsteps.

"Nonsense. There's no need for you to get soaked", Killian says and before she can object again she's already holding an umbrella's curved handle. "You can return it to me when I come deliver your flower in a few hours."

"Are you sure?"

"Absolutely", he tells her and she can hear the smile in his voice clearly enough.

"Thanks", she says and finds that she doesn't mind it so much when Killian opens the door for her even though it usually pisses her off when Walsh tries to do the same.

"You're welcome, love", Killian says and she opens the umbrella, quickly walking away and wondering if he'd gone inside or if he's going to watch her until she rounds the corner and disappears from sight.

* * *

Killian closes the door after Emma, feeling like the worst kind of a dumbstruck idiot for being so awkward around her.

He'd been waiting for her to come into his shop and now that she had he'd barely been able to sell her flowers, much less flirt or try to find out more about her.

At least he knows he's going to see her again, and he can just imagine Will's face if he finds out that Killian-I-don't-make-deliveries-Jones had just agreed to take a stupid houseplant to the home of the most beautiful girl in the world.

"Get a grip, Jones", Killian mutters, then spends half an hour agonizing between three shades of dark purple gloxinias even though he's well aware of the fact that Emma won't even know which one he chose.

The next two hours seem never-ending and Killian gives up fifteen minutes before it's time to close up, shrugs on his jacket and leaves the shop, ducking his head because it's still raining and shifting the pot with Emma's flower under his bad arm so that he can unlock his truck.

He still remembers the jolt he had felt when she brushed her fingers against his fake hand and he wonders if she had even realized that it wasn't flesh and bones she was briefly touching, or if she was too focused on smelling the flowers to notice.

The building Emma lives in is old but beautiful, and Killian takes the opportunity to slip inside when an elderly gentleman comes out, then makes his way upstairs, reading the names on the doors until he finally reaches Emma's apartment.

Once there, Killian takes a deep breath, runs his hand through his hair and adjusts his grip on the pot before ringing the doorbell.

"Coming!" Emma calls through the door and he shifts from foot to foot, suddenly anxious to get this over with. "Who is it?"

"It's Killian."

The door doesn't open and he feels stupid for going out of his way to deliver this stupid plant when the girl of his dreams doesn't even remember his name.

"The florist."

"I know who you are", she says but there's still no sound of keys jingling or the door being unlocked. "You can leave the pot in front of the door."

"Excuse me?" Killian asks her incredulously, thinking how this is quickly turning into the strangest delivery he'd ever head of.

"I said-"

"I heard what you said. Why don't you just open the door and I give you the flower?" Killian asks, trying to hold onto his temper because it feels like she's jerking his chain and he doesn't enjoy it one bit.

"I'm not opening the door", Emma answers sharply, a note of defiance creeping into her voice and Killian is at a complete loss. "I'm sorry about your umbrella, but I'll return it to you tomorrow on the way to work."

"I don't understand", he says because he really doesn't, and he would very much like to know why she refuses to take the flowers from him.

"Listen, Killian. I know you're probably a decent enough guy, but I don't know you well enough to be sure, and I'd rather not get assaulted on my birthday. Or any other day of the year", she adds and finally everything clicks for him.

A blind girl living alone in a big city must be a sure recipe for disaster.

"Happy birthday, then, Swan", Killian says, feeling his rightful indignation drain away because Emma is just being cautious and he'd rather have her safe even if it means he won't see her until tomorrow. "I'll leave your flower by the door so you don't trip over it."

"Thank you", Emma says and he hesitates for a moment, then tells her not to leave the gloxinia in direct sunlight.

"And don't be alarmed if the flowers start closing, just don't water it too much and after a while they are going to be blooming again", he says, feeling extremely foolish talking to her about the flowers while standing in the hallway, but she's not giving him much choice and he doesn't like the idea of leaving her behind when she's all alone on her birthday.

"Goodbye, Killian", she says and he nods to himself and tells her goodbye before he walks away; he jabs the call button with a little more force than is strictly necessary and doesn't look back at Emma's door.

He's stepping inside the elevator just as she comes out of her apartment wearing a fuzzy pink sweater and jeans, her hair pulled back into a ponytail that settles on her shoulder when she leans down to pick up the pot with flowers.

The elevator door closes and Killian thinks how she should've waited until he was gone before coming out, suddenly feeling tired and more disappointed than he had in quite a long time.

It's been years since he had last shown an interest in a woman, and even before that, and after _her_, all the one-night stands ended up being tremendous mistakes that left him with a bitter taste in his mouth and more than a little dent in his ego.

He wonders if that's the real reason why he'd taken a liking to Emma so fast, if her blindness somehow makes her a safe choice… It would've been a nice theory if he had any intention on trying to seduce Miss Swan, but despite her beautiful face and green eyes, she obviously has a lot of issues with trust and Killian is the last person who should try to show her that some people are worth opening your door for.

Maybe he should call Will after all and find out where they can get sloshed, because his empty house doesn't hold much appeal to Killian tonight, nor does going to bed at a respectable time.

Killian sits in his truck for good ten minutes before he makes up his mind and throws his phone on the passenger seat, easing out into traffic and driving out of the city.

If he still feels like drinking when he reaches his house he can always open that bottle of rum that's sitting untouched in one of the kitchen cupboards.

* * *

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	3. Iris

**Thank you for all your kind reviews and encouragement, and I hope you enjoy this chapter too. See you for the update on Thursday!**

* * *

Half an hour before her alarm clock was supposed to go off Emma sits up in bed and gives up on trying to sleep. She rubs her eyes and combs her fingers through her hair, and then she gets up and opens the window just enough so that she can breathe in the early morning air.

In the last decade Emma had refused to open the door to a wide variety of people, but she had never before felt guilty for doing so until last night.

Until Killian.

Emma slams the window closed and forces the thoughts of the intriguing florist out of her head while she dresses and eats, but she keeps hearing his voice in her head as he wished her happy birthday and she curses herself for blurting it out the way she did.

She wishes he had stayed mad at her, but he'd understood why she couldn't open the door and she hates it, hates that he sees her as a weakling now and probably feels sorry for her.

The last thing she wants is people pitying her.

Emma shakes her head and picks up Killian's umbrella from the stand by the door, then leaves the apartment and locks up; she's ahead of her usual schedule, but she's got a stop to make this morning and she'd rather not be late for work.

The morning is crisp and cold, making Emma shiver a little, so she picks up her pace and almost walks by Killian's shop in her haste to get there.

The door is opened so she comes in, her stomach dropping to somewhere around her knees when Killian greets her, his footsteps sounding on the wooden floor as he comes closer.

"Good morning", she says, feeling slightly apprehensive because she's not quite sure what to expect after last night. "I'm returning your umbrella."

"There was no rush", he tells her but takes the umbrella when she holds it out, his fingers only just brushing hers and sending a pleasant spark racing over her skin.

"You might need it soon."

"I needed it yesterday", Killian says, and she's pretty sure that there's a wry smile pulling at his lips.

"I'm sorry about that", she tells him because even though she would do it the same if he showed up at her door today, she does feel bad for not figuring out a way for him to get his umbrella.

"Don't worry, love. I understand why you didn't open the door, and I know that hearing me say I would never hurt you doesn't hold much weight, but… I would never hurt you", Killian says and Emma is astounded at the amount of care she hears in his voice; it seems that it's of the utmost importance to him that she doesn't get the wrong idea about his intentions.

As if she could mistakenly imagine him as some sort of a brute when she knows that he grows flowers for a living.

"I have to go."

"Swan", he says, his accent caressing her last name and freezing her in her steps. "Can I tempt you into taking a flower with you to work?"

"Depends on the flower", she tells him, and smiles when soft petals tickle her nose, her hand closing around the long stem. "What is it?"

"It's a purple iris", he says and she knows for a fact that he's smiling too.

"How much is it?"

"It's free", Killian assures her and adds quickly, "if you like it."

"I love it", she says even though it's an effort not to make a big deal out of this and try to return his gift. "Thank you, Killian."

"Have a nice day, Swan", he tells her and she inhales the pleasant aroma of his shop once more before she leaves; it's a mixture of flowers and fresh earth and him, and she is fairly certain that she had never smelled anything nicer.

In the end Emma manages to get to work just in time, and she stops by the kitchenette where Walsh is busy making everybody's coffee, asking him if he's got a tall glass to spare where she can put her flower.

He sounds casual when he asks her about the place where she got the iris, and Emma doesn't mention Killian, just tells Walsh about the flower shop at the end of the street and thanks him for the vase he manages to rustle up.

"Did something happen? You're never this late", Elsa says as soon as Emma comes into the office and Emma finds it endearing that she cares so much, so she tells her the whole story, starting with yesterday's rain and ending with meeting Killian this morning. "Is this an iris?"

Elsa sniffs the flower that's found its place on the edge of Emma's desk and Emma tells her that it is, then listens to some really furious typing.

"What are you doing?"

"Every flower has a meaning", Elsa says cryptically and Emma rolls her eyes because this is just like Elsa. "I'm googling what an iris means."

"What does it mean, then?"

"Faith, hope, wisdom, valor, and also, "your friendship means so much to me", Elsa tells her and Emma chuckles because she's sure that Killian had picked iris for the way it smells and because he had deduced that she loves purple.

"We aren't friends, Elsa. He's just a guy who sold me a houseplant."

"What if he hopes you will be friends and he has faith in your wisdom and valor to let that happen", Elsa rattles off and Emma laughs, but there's a tiny voice at the back of her mind that wonders if it would be such a bad thing being friends with a nice florist.

"And soon after we're going to fall madly in love with each other and have a lot of babies?" Emma asks her, a sharp pang of pain piercing her heart at the thought of being pregnant.

"Exactly. You just have to let it happen", Elsa tells her but Emma doesn't say anything because she knows that whatever she says, Elsa will just take it as encouragement to expand on the fairytale.

Emma had learned a long time ago that fairytales don't exist.

* * *

Killian can't quite keep a smile from his face for the rest of the day as he works on the arrangements for Saturday's wedding, and not even an occasional bruised stem courtesy of his prosthetic hand can dampen his good mood.

Who knew that giving a beautiful girl a flower could make you feel so elated?

Even Granny notices that he doesn't look as gloomy as usual and gives him a suspicious look over the rim of her glasses, but he just grins wider to unnerve her further and digs into his lunch.

When it's Emma's usual time to pass by his shop on her way home Killian watches the door even though he knows that she's got no reason to stop by again, and although he catches a glimpse of her, she doesn't come in.

The disappointment is staggering and he tells himself he should've known better before going back to work on the arrangements.

He jumps when the phone rings, and his good mood evaporates completely when some guy asks him if can deliver a bouquet to Emma Swan's apartment.

"What kind of a bouquet?" Killian asks even though he should be telling the guy that he doesn't do deliveries, but he must be a glutton for punishment so he promises to have "something pretty whatever the cost" ready in an hour. "Do you want a note attached?"

"There's no need for a note", the guy says and Killian writes down his credit card number, fighting the urge to slam the phone down in its cradle.

"You're a daft idiot", Killian tells himself as he walks around his shop and picks the freshest flowers, trying to make sure they smell rightgood as well as look pretty because he knows which one of the two characteristics Emma will favor. "Of course she's got a boyfriend."

_But why was she alone on her birthday_, a voice at the back of his head asks and Killian pauses, then tells himself that she was probably waiting for her boyfriend when Killian showed up.

The bouquet ends up looking beautiful even despite Killian's clumsiness this late in the day; his arm aches and he just wants to go home, but he'd already charged the credit card and he doesn't have much choice but to make the delivery even if he'd rather have a tooth pulled.

This time he slips into Emma's building after an old lady who looks at him appreciatively, which makes his skin crawl as he runs up the stairs because he's too impatient to get this over with to wait for the elevator.

"Who is it?" Emma asks from behind her door, and Killian curses himself for not bringing a vase because now he's going to have to lay the flowers on the mat.

"It's Killian. I have a bouquet for you."

"You gave me a flower already", she says with a smile in her voice and he gets the weirdest feeling that she's going to be disappointed when she learns the origin of the flowers.

"These are not from me", he tells her and there's long pause before she speaks again.

"Who are they from, then?"

"Your boyfriend", Killian says, trying to relax his jaw so it doesn't sound like he's growling.

"I don't have a boyfriend", Emma says mildly and although that shouldn't please him as much as it does, his grip on the flowers eases a little.

"Whomever it was didn't want to add a note, so I assumed...", Killian trails off and looks up in annoyance because he knows he'd just sounded jealous when he has absolutely no right to be.

"What did he sound like?" Emma asks him and Killian blinks, then tries to really think about it.

"I'm sorry, Swan, but I don't know how to describe his voice", he finally says and debates on whether or not to tell her the only thing he knows about her secret admirer. "He did care about the cost as long as the bouquet was pretty."

"Are you serious? Pretty?"

"My sentiments exactly", Killian says with a grin and wishes he could watch Emma when she takes the flowers in her arms and inhales their scent. "But, you know, what the customer wants, the customer gets."

"But you knew they were for me", Emma wonders and he nods unconsciously, then tells her that he did know the flowers were for her.

"And that's why I picked the ones that smell good _and_ look pretty", he says and mentally gives the finger to his competition.

He might be a man of honor, but nothing is bad form when it comes to love and war.

"I'm lucky then, that he picked you of all the florists…" she trails off and Killian takes a half step closer to her door until his forehead is practically pressed against it.

"Lass?"

"I know who sent the flowers", she mutters and he feels a brief surge of relief because she doesn't sound happy at all. "It's a guy from work. He asked me about the iris I had today and I told him about your shop."

"You don't like him?"

"I don't trust him", she says, then tells Killian that she doesn't want the flowers.

"I'm sorry about that, love, but he paid me. I have to deliver them, but if you want to throw them away afterwards I can't stop you", Killian tells her and Emma contemplates that for a while, then agrees with him leaving the bouquet in front of her door. "Good night, Swan."

"Thank you", Emma says and he lays the flowers gently on the floor, then walks away before he can say something stupid.

He pauses at the top of the stairs, but doesn't hang around when he hears her unlock the door, knowing that she wouldn't appreciate it if he gawked at her.

How he knows that is a mystery to him, but there's something about Emma Swan that resonates and makes him want to get to know her better even if she's keeping him at arm's length and hiding behind closed doors.

Killian supposes she's got a good reason for being like that and it's one that goes deeper then the obvious, but he doubts he's the right person to try and get through her walls.

Not when he had erected so many of his own which he doesn't want to see brought down.

* * *

**Review?**


	4. Helianthus

**I am so happy you guys like this AU, and I'm going to give you a spoiler that isn't really one but there's already questions about it, so I don't want to lead you on in any way; while this fic is definitely going to have a happy ending, Emma is not going to miraculously get her sight back. Thank you for reading, and enjoy the new chapter!**

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A week has passed since Killian made the delivery of Walsh's bouquet that Emma had kept against her better judgment because it smelled so wonderful, but she didn't mention it at work and Walsh never asked her if she liked it.

She wonders if it had gotten Killian in trouble, but she guesses he can handle it so she doesn't pop by to check even though it would give her a perfect excuse to talk to him.

It would be a lie to say that she doesn't think about him more than she should, but she figures that if he felt the same he would at least wait for her in front of his shop and say hello when she passes by it in the morning and the afternoon.

Elsa thinks she should go buy another flower from Killian, but Emma resists even though she's tempted every time she finds herself on his street.

Speaking of Killian's street, Emma is just turning onto it when she hears running footsteps behind her, and she braces herself for impact because it wouldn't be the first time for somebody in a hurry to run into her and knock her off balance, but this time that doesn't happen at all.

Whomever was running catches up to her and grabs her bag, tugging on it hard enough for the chain to dig painfully into Emma's shoulder.

"Let it go!" She yells and hits the offender with her cane, pulling on her bag and refusing to give up because she knows how overwhelming it is to stand in endless queues when you lose your valet and all your documents with it.

"Hey, leave her alone!" A woman exclaims and a few other people join in, Emma's attacker shoving her before he runs away and leaving her sitting on the pavement more stunned than hurt.

"Are you alright?" An older gentleman asks her and lays his hand on her shoulder, making her flinch involuntarily although she can sense that he's just trying to help her.

"I'm fine", she says with an apologetic smile and hugs her bag close. "Can somebody hand me my cane?"

Emma knows her cheeks are burning and that pisses her off because she shouldn't feel embarrassed; it's not her fault she almost got robbed and lost her cane in the process.

At least she got to keep her bag and managed to whack her attacker a few times too, teaching him a lesson he's not likely to forget.

"Swan", Killian's voice comes from somewhere to her left and her head turns in his direction even though it makes no difference to her if she's facing him or not.

It makes a difference to him.

"Lass, what happened?"

"She got attacked", one of the good Samaritans supplies and Emma fights the urge to roll her eyes.

"I'm fine."

"She got knocked over."

"I asked Emma", Killian says sharply and nudges her hand with the handle of her cane. "Can you stand, love?"

"Of course", Emma says and smiles in Killian's direction, thankful that he's not like the others and reaching out her free hand that he instantly takes and easily pulls her to her feet.

"Would you like to come into my shop for a bit?" He asks her, his warm, calloused fingers still holding hers, and Emma can't find it in herself to deny his invitation.

"I have to call my boss and tell him I'll be late", she says and trails her fingers up his arm until she reaches his elbow, then tells him to lead the way.

Killian opens the door of his shop and carefully leads her into the back room, but even though he's infinitely patient and gentle with her, he doesn't make her feel like an invalid.

He makes her feel cared for, and she is so overwhelmed that she lets him take her coat and hang it somewhere away from the wooden table he helped her sit behind.

"I'll make tea while you call your boss", Killian says and she listens to him move around as she fishes her phone out of her bag and explains to Jerry what has happened.

"He says I don't have to come to work today", Emma announces and turns toward the sound of a spoon clinking against a mug.

"No less than what I expected. Do you take sugar with your tea?"

"You're assuming I want tea", she says and Killian stops stirring.

"I am sorry. I'm going to blame the fact that I'm British; my mother believed that there's nothing that tea can't fix", Killian says and she tries really hard not to smile, but it's impossible because she knows he's smiling too.

"Maybe I'll have some, then. One spoon of sugar", she says and a few minutes later Killian sets a mug on the table in front of her, then hovers uncertainly next to her until she finds it and wraps her fingers around the spoon, stirring the sugar in.

"You're quite impressive, Swan", Killian tells her and she tilts her head back and lifts her eyebrow in his direction, feeling the warmth of his body acutely where he's leaning on the table next to her. "I've seen those muggers at work a few times, and yet you managed to hold onto your bag."

"I have an advantage over other victims", Emma says and tilts her head toward the place where she had left her cane. "I always have a weapon at the ready."

"You hit him?"

"Repeatedly."

"That's a good girl", Killian says and Emma takes a sip of her tea because she doesn't want him to see that she doesn't mind one bit being called a good girl.

"I like the tea", she tells him, her hand brushing his hip when she sets the mug on the table and she's so physically aware of Killian that it's getting a little difficult to focus on the conversation at hand.

"And that surprises you?"

"I'm not a fan", Emma says after a beat and traces her finger up and down the mug handle.

"What do you prefer, then?" Killian asks, a hint of amusement in his voice, and for the first time Emma wonders what he looks like.

She knows that today he's wearing a soft woolen sweater and jeans, but beyond that and the way his hand feels in hers, she's in the complete dark.

Literally and figuratively.

"I should go", she says abruptly because she can practically feel him getting under her skin and it's the last thing she needs or wants.

"Swan-"

"Thank you for the tea", Emma cuts him off and stands up, her leg bumping against his. "Can I have my coat back?"

"I'm not going to keep you here against your will", Killian says sharply and hands her the coat, which she quickly shrugs on before gathering her bag and cane, realizing too late that she hadn't paid enough attention to their route from the door.

"I'm gonna need your help", she says softly and Killian's hand brushes hers, showing her where his arm is so that she can take it.

"Do you want me to walk you home?" Killian asks as he leads her back to the entrance into his shop and Emma shakes her head because she just wants to be alone and away from his undoubtedly piercing gaze.

"I'm fine on my own", she says but she's not sure if she's trying to convince him, or herself.

* * *

Killian stands leaning against the doorway of his shop and follows Emma with his eyes as she walks away toward her apartment, her golden hair shining in the weak November sun, her red coat stained from where she had sat on the pavement before he came running.

His heart was slamming against his ribcage so hard he thought he might be having a heart attack at the ripe old age of thirty-one, but he was too focused on making sure she was okay to care.

The rest of his morning is spent trying to focus on work because there's a wedding tomorrow and he doesn't have even remotely enough arrangements.

Will comes in around noon to pick up the ones Killian had finished and gives him a look that makes it clear that he'd done a sub-par job with them.

"What's eating you, mate?" He asks and Killian squeezes his hand into a fist because he knows better than to confide in him.

"Nothing", Killian says in a tone that brooks no argument and relaxes his hand, cuts a length of string and starts on another arrangement.

"Suit yourself", Will tells him and leaves Killian to it, and he makes five more arrangements before his stomach reminds him that he had skipped lunch.

Granny looks at him disapprovingly as soon as he comes in and proceeds to tell him to be careful with Emma, which makes him choke on his soup.

"You know Emma?"

"She comes for lunch on Saturdays and Sundays", Granny says and hits Killian on the back, then hands him a glass of water when he keeps coughing. "I saw you with her today."

"I just made her tea. Which she didn't even drink in the end", Killian says and cringes at the note of bitterness that creeps into his voice.

"That girl has been through a lot, so you better think about what you're doing before you break her heart", Granny says and returns behind the counter before he can tell her that it's not Emma's heart that's in jeopardy here.

Still, Killian doesn't go straight home from work, picking a sunflower on impulse and walking to Emma's apartment, telling himself that he's going to give up and leave her in her fortress of solitude if she doesn't at least open the door tonight.

He knows she doesn't owe him anything, but he can't help feeling that there's something pulling them close, and he's embarrassed to admit it even to himself but making tea for her had made him happier than he'd been in a very long time.

"Killian?" Emma says his name through her door and he can't help smiling, but then it occurs to him that nobody else comes around and a profound wave of sadness washes over him, his arms practically aching with the need to hold her.

He wonders how long has it been since somebody just held her.

"Yes, it's me", he says and turns the stem of the flower in his hand.

"Another delivery? I thought Walsh gave up."

"I brought you a sunflower", Killian says lamely and listens to the creak of the floor as she shifts behind the door.

"Why?"

"Because I wanted to."

"Why?" She asks and he's pretty sure that both his and her future rides on what he's going to say next.

"Because you shouldn't have to do everything on your own."

"What's it to you?" Emma says but she doesn't sound defiant, only as tired as he feels.

"Maybe I don't want to do everything alone either", he says softly and there's a long pause during which neither of them moves, but it lasts so long that he's completely convinced that he'd blown it.

And then there's the sound of a key in a lock and the door slowly swings inward and reveals Emma, her gaze settling somewhere around his left shoulder when she holds out her hand.

"Can I have my flower?"

"Of course", he says and gives it to her, her pinky finger brushing along his as the sunflower changes hands, her gaze shifting to meet his. "Sunflowers don't smell like much, but my mother always said they were like little suns and I just… I guess I wanted you to have a sun in your apartment."

"Even if I can't see it?"

"You can still feel the warmth", he tells her softly and Emma's green eyes look even more beautiful than usual when she smiles and thanks him.

"It was a pleasure, love", he tells her and watches her come closer, her hand reaching out and encountering his left arm, his heart freezing inside his chest because this is not how he had wanted her to realize that he's missing a hand.

Emma just squeezes his bicep and steps back, a delicate blush coloring her cheeks and her eyelashes lowering to hide her eyes.

"See you around?" She asks, her hopeful smile piercing his heart as Granny's warning comes back to haunt him.

_That girl has been through a lot, so you better think about what you're doing before you break her heart._

"Come by the shop whenever you like", he tells her with a smile, hoping she can hear it in his voice. "And if I don't see you for a few days you can expect another evening delivery."

"Is that a promise?" She asks in a teasing tone that he'd never heard her use before and he nods, then verbalizes his answer too.

"Yes, love, it is", he says and walks away backwards, Emma's little goodbye wave making him feel ten feet tall.

It's when he decides that whatever happens, he will sooner break his own heart than do anything that might hurt her.

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**Review?**


	5. Chrysanthemum

**Thank you to all of you for leaving me such wonderful feedback; your reviews really make my day. And to answer Tricia's question, my great-grandmother was blind, and a pretty kick-ass lady all around. Enjoy, and I hope you come back in two days for the next chapter!  
**

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Emma gets ambushed during lunch break; Elsa is out of the office and Walsh comes in without knocking, leaning against Emma's desk and casually asking her if she got any more flowers in the past week or so.

"I got a sunflower on Thursday", she tells him even though she knows what he's angling at, and her lips quirk into a smile when she remembers Killian's explanation for giving her that particular flower.

"I was thinking about something more impressive than that", Walsh says and she fights the urge to roll her eyes because his flowers would've been dull and impersonal if there wasn't for Killian's thoughtfulness in picking the ones that smelled the best.

"There was a bouquet without any kind of a note attached to it about a week ago", she tells him and resists the urge to lie that she had thrown it into the trash.

"You wouldn't be able to read it anyway", Walsh says and he sounds both defensive and annoyed, and Emma can't believe she used to think he's a decent guy.

"You sent the flowers?" She asks calmly and levels him with the coldest stare she can muster, hoping that her gaze is not completely off-base.

"I did."

"Thank you", Emma tells him curtly and turns back toward her keyboard, not caring even a tiny bit if she's being rude.

"Did you like them?" Walsh asks uncertainly and she doesn't want to tell him that they were lovely because it wasn't through any effort of his own.

"I wouldn't know. I can't see, you know", she says without turning her head to face him, wondering why is she suddenly feeling so pissed; Walsh is not the first person who treated her like she's somehow less and he probably won't be the last.

"Who gave you the sunflower you liked?" He asks and she doesn't appreciate his tone one bit.

"It's none of your business", she tells him sharply just a moment before Elsa breezes back into the office.

There's a sound of bodies colliding and Elsa cries out in pain while Walsh curses and asks her if she's alright.

"Fine, just a bit winded. I didn't know you were here", Elsa says and Emma tells Walsh that it would be best if he left them to it, then carefully makes her way to where Elsa is standing and reaches out, her hand encountering her friend's shoulder.

"What happened?"

The door closes with a little more force than necessary and Elsa reassures Emma that she's alright.

"Since when does he hang out with you during his break?"

"He just came to ask me if I liked his stupid flowers", Emma says and takes the paper bag with her sandwich from Elsa, then sits in a spare chair next to her desk.

"He sent you flowers?" Elsa asks, surprise coloring her voice, and Emma is silent while she unwraps her sandwich and takes a bite of it.

"It's a long story."

"We've got time."

Emma debates it for a full minute while she chews, afraid to open up and yet feeling like she should take this opening because if she doesn't, Elsa might stop trying all-together.

"Remember when Killian gave me the iris?"

"Of course. He's hopeful you're going to be besties."

"I told Walsh where I got it and he called Killian and ordered a bouquet. He wanted it to be pretty", Emma says and Elsa huffs sympathetically. "Killian made sure it was beautiful but also that it smelled really good."

"Seems like he hopes for more than friendship."

"He gave me a sunflower on Thursday", Emma says wistfully and she has to make a conscious effort not to get lost in the memory of that evening.

"And then?"

"I said I'd see him around and he said he'd show up at my door again if too long passes without us running into each other."

"You're lucky", Elsa says softly, and Emma frowns a little at the note of sadness in Elsa's voice until she remembers that Elsa has been single since they've met, just like Emma.

It seems like her aloneness wasn't self-imposed the way Emma's was.

"I guess I am", Emma says noncommittally, but she knows that Elsa is right.

Still, she doesn't stop by Killian's shop on her way from work because she's sorely late on grocery shopping and she still has to get home first to write up a list of the things she needs.

The grocery store she frequents is right between her building and Killian's shop, and it's owned by a guy named Leroy who, despite his gruff voice and manners always seems happy to take Emma's list and gather all the things for her.

While he does that, Emma handpicks her fruit, smelling the apples and oranges and making sure everything is as fresh as possible.

"Hello, Swan", Killian says from behind her and she juggles the apples she's holding, only just managing not to drop them all. "Sorry, love. Didn't mean to startle you."

"What are you doing here?" Emma asks, her eyes narrowing suspiciously because her first thought is that he'd followed her here.

"I ran out of cinnamon", Killian tells her and she feels even more ill at ease.

"You ran out of cinnamon."

"For apple pie?" He tells her like it's a question and Emma does her best not to gape at him, but judging by his chuckle, she's not very successful. "I am not only a florist, but an occasional baker too."

"Oh. Okay", Emma says, feeling stupid because it seems clear now that Killian had never meant them to be more than friends.

"Also not gay", he tells her, accurately figuring out the reason for her deflating.

"Your girlfriend must be the luckiest girl in the world", the words escape Emma's mouth before she can stop them and then she stands there blushing and wishing she could just turn on her heel and walk away.

"I don't have a girlfriend", Killian tells her softly, and there's something raw in his voice, something that makes Emma think about Neal for the first time in years and she mentally shakes herself, pushing those thoughts away.

"Emma, your stuff is ready!" Leroy calls from the other end of the store and Emma feels for her bag and puts her latest picks inside, then almost walks into Killian, his quick reflexes the only thing that prevents their collision.

"Sorry", she says and he assures her that it's fine, then falls into step beside her, heading toward the cash register too.

Emma is painfully aware of the heat of his body and more self-conscious than she had felt in a long time as she swings her cane from side to side, praying that she doesn't run into anything while he's watching.

It's silly, but she doesn't want him to know how simple things can be so difficult for her because she can't see.

* * *

"Would you like me to give you a ride home?" Killian asks as soon as Emma is done paying for her things and waves a packet of cinnamon at Leroy before he pockets it and lays a fiver on the counter. "Keep the change."

"Thank you, Killian, but I prefer to walk", Emma says, already opening the door leading out and holding it for him as he follows her out of the store.

"I thought we have already established that I'm not going to hurt you", Killian tells her and gently lays his hand on her arm to stop her. "At least let me carry your bag."

"I can carry my own bag", she says sharply, then bites her lip and starts walking again. "Sorry. I just don't like cars."

He can see that Emma is going to just walk away if he doesn't do something soon, and he wonders briefly what her beef is with cars but decides to leave it be for the moment.

"Swan, can you just stand still for a moment?" Killian jogs to catch up with her and she turns toward him with an expectant look on her beautiful face.

Her cheeks are rosy and she looks absolutely adorable with her red cap pulled down almost to her eyebrows, her golden hair cascading over her shoulders and curling slightly at the ends.

"I was going to stop by your apartment after the store", Killian says and walks backwards toward his car, quickly opening the door and getting out the single chrysanthemum he had laid out on the passenger seat earlier. "If you give me your bag, I'm going to give you another flower."

"You drive a hard bargain", Emma tells him and after a moment's hesitation holds out her bag which he manages to hang on his fake hand without her noticing, then tickles her cheek with the flower and basks in the warmth of her smile when she takes the stem.

He ignores the pang of guilt he feels at deceiving her, but the middle of the sidewalk is hardly a place to tell her about his missing hand.

"What is this? A marigold?"

"It's a chrysanthemum. Red", Killian says when they start walking again, Emma's fingers playing with the petals and her delicate eyebrow lifting at his answer.

"Doesn't smell all that nice", she remarks and he grins, wiggling his eyebrows and telling her that sometimes the meaning of the flower is important too.

"And what is the meaning of this one?"

"I'll leave that to you to find out", Killian says, and he's about to step off the sidewalk when Emma's cane shoots out and blocks his path.

"We can't go yet", she says and tilts her head back as if looking at him, her gaze only just missing his.

It's both slightly unnerving and absolutely endearing at the same time.

"Wasn't paying attention", Killian tells her and she smiles to herself, then confidently crosses the road when the tone of the beeping changes. "You are a marvel, Swan."

"Not really", she says with a small shrug and he catches himself wanting to uncover all her secrets and find out why is she alone.

There is no doubt in his mind that it is not her blindness holding her back, but a heartbreak she had not yet recovered from.

"Do you really know how to bake an apple pie?" Emma asks him after a few minutes of silence, and she sounds so eager he thinks he would learn even if he didn't already know.

"Yes I do."

"How come? I mean, you won't find a lot of guys who can say the same. Or girls, for that matter", she adds, and when he glances into her grocery bag he can plainly see that she's not big on cooking; there's fruit and cereal and a lot of microwave dinners.

"My mother believed that house chores and cooking shouldn't fall only on the woman; I know it's considered peculiar but I never thought much about it when I was growing up because she always made everything we did fun."

"She sounds nice", Emma says and he agrees, but even though he senses that there's another story there, he doesn't ask because they are coming upon Emma's building and she holds out her flower for him to hold while she fishes in her bag for the keys. "You are going to insist on seeing me up to my door, aren't you?"

"How did you know?"

"It's what a gentleman would do."

"I am always a gentleman", Killian agrees and follows Emma inside once she gets the door opened, and he does his very best not to watch the gentle sway of her hips as she climbs the stairs ahead of him.

He might be a gentleman, but he's also a red-blooded male and he is not entirely successful in that endeavor.

Emma unlocks her door and turns to him, holding out her hands for the bag and the flower, and Killian knows a moment of panic because Emma is going to know that his left hand isn't real as soon as she touches it, and it is the first time he makes the conscious decision to deceive her, giving her the flower first, then switching the bag to his right hand and passing that along too.

"Thank you", she says and sets the bag on the floor, then stands there with her flower and an uncertain half-smile pulling at her lips.

Her face is so easy to read; she thinks she's going to appear rude if she doesn't invite him in, but she clearly isn't ready for such a big leap of faith and he doesn't want to make her feel pressured in any way.

"It was my pleasure, love", he says and gently squeezes her shoulder, then bids her goodnight and walks away even though it is the last thing he wants to do.

* * *

**Review?**


	6. Gardenia

**Thank you so much for all your wonderful feedback, and if you've recovered from the new episode, here's some more fluffiness. I hope you enjoy, and you can expect the next chapter on Wednesday.**

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Emma spends a night of fitful sleep because she had made the mistake of checking the meaning of red chrysanthemum last night and found that it generally mean love, and even though it's clear that Killian hadn't meant it for her to take it literally, he had made his intentions when she is concerned quite clear nonetheless.

And there is no doubt that the ball is in her court now, and she has to decide what to do with it.

The thing is, even though she likes Killian very much, Emma doesn't know a lot about him beyond the fact that he sells flowers for a living, can bake apple pie and smells really, really nice.

There must be a fault to him, and she hopes that once it is revealed, it won't be a deal-breaker.

"But that's the point, isn't it? Letting yourself get to know him better", Emma argues his case while she waits for milk to warm so that she can pour it over her cereal, shaking her head because she's not usually prone to talking to herself.

She can't remember when was that last time she was scared of something so much, and there have been countless things in the past ten years that scared her, and that still scare her.

Like trying to cook anything more complicated than scrambled eggs, for example.

And yet, just the memory of deep timbre of Killian's voice when he says her name jumbles her thoughts, and she finds herself tempted with the idea of taking a leap of faith and seeing what happens.

Nobody says she has to date Killian, but she is tired of being alone and she had enjoyed spending time with him even back when they were just talking through her door.

Emma breezes out of her apartment feeling lighter just for making a decision of not shooting down Killian's advances, and decides to stop by his shop to get some kind of a potted plant for her office too; the gloxinia is not blooming anymore but she trusts Killian that it is just a matter of time until it happens again.

"Good morning", she calls upon entering and smiles at the direction of his answering greeting.

"Let me just finish this thing", Killian says and Emma carefully picks her way to him, leaning against the worn wooden table and asking him what's he doing. "It's supposed to be a flower arrangement but it keeps listing to one side."

He sounds frustrated, but she realizes that she's not at all sorry that she came.

"Can I help?" Emma asks and faces him, thinking that he must be giving her an assessing look and patiently waiting for him to make up his mind.

"As a matter of fact, you can", he says and slides his thumb under her hand, leading it to the stems and telling her to hold them just so while he ties everything off. "Thank you, love."

"What would you have done without me?" She asks him with a teasing smile when his fingers brush hers and warmth surges through her veins because she is acutely aware of how close they are standing, her arm brushing against his and his ocean scent filling her nose even with all the flowers surrounding them.

"I suppose I would have managed, but this is much quicker", he tells her and she nods, then asks him if he grows these flowers himself.

"Some of them, I do", he answers and softly curses under his breath, then there's the sound of a string being broken, which Emma imagines Killian had done with his teeth and the warmth she feels grows impossible to ignore.

"Done?"

"Done", Killian says and he sounds oddly relieved, making her wonder if she had done something to make him uncomfortable.

It's an unpleasant thought that he easily squashes with his heartfelt gratitude.

"Would you like to come out this weekend and see my hothouses?" He asks her and his voice doesn't catch on the word "see" like it seems to with other sighted people, and Emma's respect for him grows tenfold.

"Where exactly are your hothouses?"

"About twenty minutes out of the city. I'd come to get you, of course", Killian says and all the warmth Emma had been feeling instantly dissipates.

"Thanks for the offer, but I can't", she says curtly and pointedly touches her watch, Killian's hand touching hers and his warm fingers holding on to stop her from running away.

"You really don't like cars, then", Killian states and her panic at the memory of screaming metal before her world went dark lessens just from the contact with his skin, his thumb idly tracing her knuckles.

Emma is used to people touching her without her consent, trying to guide her places and help her even when she doesn't ask for it, but she had been sorely missing touches that only mean to soothe and comfort.

"I avoid them at all costs", Emma tells him and he squeezes her hand, but doesn't inquire as to the reason for her aversion. "I should get to work."

"You should", Killian agrees but still doesn't release her hand.

"I was thinking about getting a potted plant for my office", she says, suddenly remembering her reason for coming in and Killian goes back to tracing her index finger with the tip of his calloused one.

"Anything in particular you wish to get?"

"Surprise me?"

"I shall bring it to you around noon", Killian says and she tells him the address and the number of her office. "In the interest of full disclosure, I have to admit that I've seen you going into the City Hall a few times."

"I was wondering if you watched me walk away", she admits and feels his shrug when he tells her that she's hard to miss.

"Because of the cane?"

"Because you're beautiful", he says, and he sounds surprised that she's not aware of that fact.

"I haven't seen myself in a while, but if you say so…"

"Trust my 20/20 vision", he tells her and she smiles, then pulls her hand from his and tells him that she really has to go now if she doesn't want to be late. "I'll see you soon, love."

She's already entering the Hall when she realizes that she hadn't paid him for the flower he's going to deliver, too thrown by his compliments and the way he had held her hand.

Her skin is still tingling when she sits behind her computer and she ends up counting down the minutes until his arrival.

* * *

Killian chooses gardenia for a few reasons; it smells nice, its meaning is that the person receiving it is lovely, and he thinks Emma is going to welcome the challenge of caring for it without feeling overwhelmed.

Seeing Emma help him so eagerly when he was struggling makes him feel awful because it was the perfect opportunity to tell her about his missing hand and because it was painfully clear that people rarely ask for or accept her help, just assuming that she wouldn't be able to do anything.

At precisely noon Killian locks up his shop and carries the pot with a beautiful white gardenia to the City Hall, where the security guys just wave him in; he takes the stairs two at a time, then hesitates when he realizes that whomever is Emma sharing her office with is going to see his prosthetic hand and undoubtedly ask Emma about it.

Still, there's nothing he can do about it and it's going to be a relief to have it out in the open, so Killian shifts the pot in his arms and knocks on Emma's door, carefully opening the door and poking his head in.

"I have a delivery for Emma Swan", he says with a grin and Emma beams at him, getting up and going to the window sill to show him where to put the pot.

"Elsa, come meet Killian", she says and a slender, blonde-haired woman crosses the office, her hand extended; Killian shakes it and realizes that Elsa is blind too, but he doesn't have time to dwell on it.

"Nice to meet you", Elsa says and tells him in an exaggerated whisper that Emma had never been very interested in flowers before she met had met him.

"Elsa!"

"You know it's true."

"I always loved flowers."

"Uh-huh", Elsa says and goes back behind her desk, the pink blush on Emma's cheeks deepening.

"Don't listen to her. What did you bring me?" She asks and reaches out her hands when he sets the pot down, her fingers gently exploring the blooms before she leans down to smell them.

"It's a gardenia", Killian tells her and wonders if Elsa is typing it into the language of flowers dot com even as Emma tells him that she likes it very much.

"I forgot to pay you."

"Don't worry about it, love."

"Can I take you to lunch instead? There's a diner close by-"

"Granny's?"

"You know it?"

"I eat there every day", Killian tells her and she takes his breath away, her eyes so bright and alive that it's hard to believe she can't see anything at all.

"I only eat there on weekends", Emma says and shrugs on her coat, slips her phone and valet into its deep pockets and takes her cane. "I'll be back in an hour."

"Take your time", Elsa says with a giggle and Emma rolls her eyes, then waves Killian ahead of her and out of the office.

The sky looks white and the air leaves their mouths in puffs as they walk the short distance to Granny's, but Killian doesn't notice because Emma had boldly asks him if he would mind being her sighted guide, which he agrees to by entwining his fingers with hers.

"That's not how you do it", she says mildly and slides her hand up his arm, wrapping her fingers around his elbow and telling him not to worry and to just keep walking as he would without her holding onto him.

"What if there's a step?"

"You just pause a little before it and I'll feel if it's up or down by the way your body moves", Emma tells him and he puts that theory to the test at Granny's entrance, which they maneuver smoothly.

"It seems like we make quite the team", Killian says once they are seated in a corner booth and Emma tilts her head to the side as if assessing him, then smoothes her hair behind her ear and smiles a cute little smile that endears her to him even more.

"You did much better than most people do", she tells him and he's mesmerized by the way her pretty mouth moves, his hand resting close to hers on the table because he's itching to hold hers again but he doesn't want to seem too forceful.

Granny greets them with her usual efficiency and gives Killian a warning look that's completely lost on Emma, then walks away to get their orders as Killian drums his fingers against the table in exasperation, slightly offended that she thinks he would ever hurt Emma.

Emma's small hand covers his, her graceful fingers pale next to his tanned ones and he looks up at her green eyes, the sudden realization of the amount of trouble he's in making him chuckle.

"What?" She asks with an uncertain smile and he reassures her with a touch, turning her hand over and sliding his thumb over her pulse point.

"Granny can give me as many warning looks as she wants; it's up to you to decide how much time you want to spend with me", Killian tells her and Emma's eyes widen a little.

"I was in a car accident when I was eighteen", Emma says out of the blue and squeezes his hand as if wanting to make sure he won't let go. "It's the reason I'm blind."

"Were you driving?" Killian asks her softly, and it's clear that she hadn't expected that question by the way her eyebrows go up.

"No", she answers, and that single nearly-whispered word is enough to show him the depth of her pain and the damage that goes beyond the obvious without him knowing the whole story.

"I'm sorry, love."

"I didn't tell you this to have you pity me", she says sharply and slips her hand from his just as Granny nears their table with the plates, and he wonders if Emma had heard her coming before Killian's brain had registered seeing her approach.

"Enjoy", Granny says and they both thank her, Killian making a point not to meet her eyes.

"I don't pity you, lass", Killian says as if they weren't interrupted and captures Emma's hand again, well aware of the fact that she's pulling back even though she's still sitting across from him. "I think you're bloody brilliant, and I won't mind walking wherever you want us to go."

Emma does her best to look nonchalant, but her eyes give her away, the relief and surprise and the desire to run all evident in their fathomless depths, but she doesn't go anywhere, her fingers squeezing his before she lets go and they focus on their respective plates.

The subject of Emma's accident is not mentioned again, and although they don't talk much for the rest of their lunch aside from praising Granny's food, there seems to be a deeper connection between them than it had existed just yesterday.

Before they go their separate ways Killian asks Emma if he can text her sometime, feeling like a foolish teenager for phrasing it like that, and Emma's lips quirk up at the corners as she rattles off her phone number and tells him to keep his messages PG rated in case people overhear her listening to them.

"I will do my very best", he says and Emma laughs, gives him a little wave and walks back in the direction of her office, and this time he doesn't deny himself the urge to follow her with his eyes until she's out of sight.

* * *

**Review?**


	7. Myosotis

**Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this story, and I hope you're going to like this chapter because Emma is finally learning a few things about Killian. Enjoy, and you can expect the update on Friday.  
**

* * *

Emma's good mood lasts about fifteen minutes after she returns to work during which Killian sends her a text thanking her for "making his lunch break so lovely" and finishes it with silly emoticons that make her smile because he's not assuming she won't appreciate them like Walsh undoubtedly would.

And speaking of Walsh, he corners her on her way back from the bathroom and tells her in an urgent voice that he needs to talk to her about the guy she went out for lunch with.

"Excuse me?"

"Please, Emma. It's important", Walsh says and there's a note of desperation in his voice that convinces her that she should listen to what he's got to say.

"Alright", Emma relents and he takes her arm, leading her into a room she'd never been in before located off the kitchenette, then letting her go and starting to pace in front of her; even his footsteps sound agitated.

"You know I like you, Emma, but what I'm going to tell you doesn't have anything to do with you and me."

"What is it?" Emma asks impatiently, tightly squeezing the grip of her cane and wishing he would just stand still.

"What do you know about him?" Walsh asks and Emma's temper flares because he sounds like a jealous boyfriend and she absolutely does not appreciate it.

"Just say what you want to say so I can go back to work", Emma says sharply even as she imagines all kinds of awful thinks Walsh could tell her.

Maybe Killian is married and Walsh had seen a ring, because now that she thinks about it, Emma isn't sure she had ever touched Killian's left hand without the heavy glove he wears when he handles roses.

"I saw his gang tattoo", Walsh says and Emma gives him her best skeptical look, fighting the urge to giggle because this is the most ridiculous thing she had ever heard.

"You think Killian is in a gang?"

"I have no idea, but he's dangerous", Walsh says and Emma is so done with him; the only thing keeping her in this room is the fact that she's not sure where the door is.

"He is a freaking florist! How do you even know about the tattoo? Wait. Were you watching us when we were at Granny's?!" Emma exclaims, feeling her skin crawl at the idea of being stalked like that.

"Of course not. I passed you on the street but I was on the other side of it", Walsh says quickly, but the lie is painfully obvious in his voice.

"You saw his tattoo from across the street?"

"It's on his neck", Walsh tells her and pauses before he adds. "It's a snake biting its own tail."

He obviously thinks that should mean something to her, but Emma gives him her blankest stare even though there's a cold shiver of premonition rushing down her spine.

"It's a sign of one of the most popular Liverpool gangs", Walsh says and he sounds almost apologetic, but Emma isn't fooled.

"How in the world do you know that?"

"I have a cousin in a certain government agency", Walsh says and Emma's eyebrows shoot up because this is getting more ridiculous by the moment.

"You asked your cousin to check him up and he told you about the gang", Emma deduces, but she's still not entirely convinced Walsh is not making it all up.

"I was worried about you!"

"I need to get back to work", Emma says and turns around, knowing that she'll be able to find the door even if she doesn't look exceptionally graceful doing it.

"Emma, wait. Promise me you'll be careful."

"He's not dangerous!" Emma says and shakes Walsh off after he walks around her and lays his hand on her shoulder.

"He looks dangerous, unshaved and-"

"Let go of me this second", Emma cuts him off in an icy tone that Walsh obeys, and he doesn't follow her when she finds the door and turns left, walking briskly to her office.

"Emma, there you are. They sent another load of tapes", Elsa says and Emma just sinks in her chair, rubbing her arm and wishing she hadn't even given Walsh the opportunity to talk. "Emma?"

"Yeah, give me half", Emma says and listens to the soft clinks the cases make when Elsa puts them on the corner of her table.

"What happened? You sound weird."

"I'm fine", Emma tells her and tries to focus on work but she can't help being affected by Walsh's revelation.

She had never been more acutely aware of the fact that she has absolutely no idea what Killian looks like, and that the only thing she can go by is his voice and the touch of his hand, which often make the most compelling argument but aren't as trustworthy as a face is.

Not to mention the fact that she could see perfectly when she was with Neal and she still never saw his betrayal coming.

Killian's last text remains unanswered because Emma knows better than to ask him about the tattoo and his past over the phone, but the longer she thinks about what Walsh had told her the more apprehensive she is, wondering what had chased Killian from Britain in the first place and if there's a possibility that whatever it was could follow him across the big pond.

Emma had had enough trauma and tragedy in her life, and she's not interested in getting involved with somebody who could bring her more of the same.

And yet, she can't help being attracted to Killian, can't help hope that Walsh's cousin had made a mistake; plenty of people have snake tattoos, and even though she would never have assumed that Killian was one of those, it still doesn't mean he's some criminal.

She guesses she's just going to have to go by his shop after work and ask him, hoping that her lie detector is going to work as well as it had been for the past decade.

* * *

Killian hadn't heard from Emma for about three hours and he gets an uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach no matter how many times he tells himself that she's probably busy at work.

A sudden onslaught of customers derails him from dwelling on Emma too much even though she's still at the back of his mind, haunting him with her green eyes and slightly reserved smiles.

He wants to uncover all her secrets and know everything there is to know about her, but at the same time he relishes the slow pace of their acquaintance because he's got secrets he's not comfortable with sharing yet either.

Emma comes in straight from work but his welcoming smile dies when he sees her face, apprehension clearly evident even from across the shop.

"Swan? What happened?"

"We need to talk."

"That doesn't bode well for me", he tries to joke but she doesn't smile and remains by the door.

"Tell me what's wrong", he says and comes to stand in front of her, his eyes caressing her face and his fingers itching to smooth the frown between her lovely brows; she is so beautiful, and he is fascinated with every single detail of her face, from a tiny cut on her eyebrow to her freckles and the dent in her chin he longs to touch.

"Are you in a gang?" Emma asks abruptly and he feels like the entire air has been sucked out of a room.

"Who did you talk to?" He asks her, his blood running cold and his fingers bumping hers to show her where his arm is because he just wants to lead her away from the window until he gets to the bottom of this. "Please come with me."

"I'm not going anywhere with you until you tell me the truth!" Emma tells him fiercely and pulls her hand away, showing him how fast her pulse is beating in her slender neck when she resolutely raises her chin.

"It's safer if you don't know, but you have to tell me who told you that!" Killian says, trying to remain calm even as he feels the ground crumble beneath his feet.

"I don't have to tell you anything", Emma says, and she sounds so cold, so detached when she turns back toward the door that he can't see how he can ever fix this.

"Swan, please", he says, his hand reaching for her but never making contact because he's afraid he's only going to make it worse.

"Walsh saw your tattoo", Emma tells him, still keeping her back to him, her hand resting on the knob and letting him know that he doesn't have a lot of time to explain.

"It's true that I was in a gang, but it was a long time ago", Killian says and grits his teeth because the memories come swiftly and he feels like his tattoo is suddenly on fire.

"You were scared just now. Is somebody still after you?" Emma asks and turns just her head in his direction, but her expression is guarded and he doesn't tell her that he was never worried about himself, only her.

"I got out from that life years ago."

"That doesn't answer my question", Emma tells him and her grip on the knob tightens.

"Nobody is after me, love. I overreacted and I am sorry for that, as well as for not saying something before; you know better than anyone how difficult it is to discuss certain things", Killian says and it's clear how much Emma wants to believe him by the way she hesitates and bites her lip, her gaze even more unfocused than usual.

"Can you promise me that your past will have no effect whatsoever on your future?" She finally asks and lets go of the knob completely, turning around to face him and patiently waiting for him to answer her.

"My past is what it is, and I have no plan on ever going back to either England or that kind of life", Killian says and hopes that it will be enough.

"I want to believe you", Emma tells him softly, and he can hear the but in that sentence so clearly it's as if she had already said it. "But I made the mistake of trusting somebody while I could still see, and it cost me more than I'm willing to pay again."

"I am sorry, Emma. I can't change who I was any more than you can change what had happened to you", he says and she contemplates that for a long moment, and then, having made a decision, reaches out her hand, her slightly trembling fingers finding his with startling accuracy.

"I don't even know what you look like. Or how many tattoos you have aside from the snake", she says and there's a tiny quiver to the corner of her mouth that might or might not be a smile.

"You want me to describe myself?"

"It's going to tell me a great deal about you aside from the obvious", she says and he glances down at his fake hand, but he is deathly afraid that it will be the last straw that would completely put her off him.

"My hair is black", he says lamely and Emma's eyebrow goes up as she tells him that he can do much better than that. "I have blue eyes."

"What shade of blue?" She asks, her question so earnest that he can't help a tiny pang of pity piercing his heart.

He tells himself that she wouldn't be asking if she didn't remember the colors.

"Cornflower, I think", Killian says and she nods, waiting for him to go on. "I don't know, lass. I've been called striking and devilishly handsome, but in all honesty I think my nose is too big for that to be true."

Emma chuckles and Killian takes the first normal breath in the last ten minutes.

"How many tattoos?" She asks and Killian does a mental calculation, then tells her that there are eight or nine, depending on how you look at it.

The deliberately blank stare Emma gives him is eloquent enough.

"Eight, then."

"I should go", she tells him after a minute during which Killian gets a little lost in her eyes and he reluctantly lets her fingers slip through his even though he'd rather just hold on and never let her go.

"Am I going to see you again?"

"It depends."

"On what does it depend?"

"If you can figure out a way to convince me without talking to me", Emma tells him and he knows a moment of panic before he realizes that there's a pretty straightforward way of doing so, and he just needs the right tool.

"I will see you soon then", Killian says and slips a little bouquet of dry forget-me-nots into Emma's bag, her parting smile letting him know that she had noticed.

She doesn't try to return it, and that gives him all the hope he needs.

* * *

**Review?**


	8. Lilium

**Killian manages to convince Emma to give him a chance and she gathers the courage to take a big leap of faith, without knowing that she's going to have to actually leap before the day is done. Thank you for all the lovely reviews you've left me so far and I hope you enjoy!  
**

* * *

Emma expects Killian to show up at her door the same evening, her fingers gently touching the dry flowers as she listens to the TV, but he never shows. Days pass slowly and Friday morning dawns without any word from him; her phone is silent too, but even though Emma misses him, she tells herself that it's better this way.

She doesn't need more complications in her life.

The day drags on and on and Walsh seems pissed because Emma canceled her standing coffee order and Elsa did too, the two of them taking the elevator to the third floor and getting their coffees from the machine.

"What if he doesn't try to contact you again?" Elsa asks and Emma slouches in her chair, her head tipped back and her eyes on the ceiling she can't see.

"Then I'll know that I was wrong about him and that it's good that I didn't trust him", Emma says, her tone discouraging Elsa from the subject.

"I don't think you should give up hope yet", Elsa says and Emma frowns, but doesn't ask her what she means. "What are you doing this weekend?"

"I don't know beyond laundry. Listening to audio books", Emma says listlessly, then perks up a little at Elsa's suggestion to do some Christmas shopping with her on Sunday morning.

"Already?"

"You know how it is when there's a big crowd", Elsa says and Emma tells her that she'll come, keeping the fact that she doesn't have anybody to buy presents for to herself.

It starts raining when Emma is a few doors from Killian's shop, but she doesn't duck in to borrow an umbrella, ending up completely drenched by the time she reaches her building.

She's unlocking her door when her hand encounters an envelope sticking out next to the doorknob, her brow furrowing because she gets all her bills via e-mail and nobody had ever sent her a letter before.

Emma wipes her damp hands on her thighs and opens the door, holding the envelope so it doesn't fall, and when she slides her fingertips over it, she encounters the raised bumps of Braille that spell just one word.

Her name.

There is no doubt in Emma's mind that the letter must be from Killian and she carries it to the living room, putting it down on the coffee table while she gets out of her wet clothes and takes a quick shower, then lets the anticipation build further as she makes herself tea.

Just the fact that Killian had gone to so much trouble to write her a letter that she can actually read is enough to show her how serious he is about her, but only when she opens the envelope and takes out both the letter and a slightly squished flower bud which she identifies as a lily by its scent does she realize that Killian is much more than a simple florist.

He is also something of a poet, his words flowing around her like a gentle river, alleviating the fear that she's going to end up let down and heartbroken unbearably easily.

Killian tells her that he had been alone for a long time.

He promises her that he had learned his lesson and that he will never go back to the life of crime he used to lead.

He admits that being with her makes him feel alive and perfectly content for the first time in years.

He hopes that she will forgive him for the things he had kept from her and assures her that it was not because he wanted to pull the proverbial wool over her eyes; he was just afraid that she would run away before they could even begin getting to know each other better.

Emma reads the letter one more time, smiling to herself because she still doesn't have a lot of cold, hard facts about Killian Jones and his life before he had moved to the States, but she knows the most important thing; he is a man of honor, and even though nobody can say what tomorrow will bring, she is finally convinced that she can trust him.

She can take a leap of faith and be rest assured that he will do everything in his power to catch her, and that is more than most people can count on when embarking on an emotional journey.

Still, she is still afraid, still so nervous when she finds Killian's name in her phone book and dials his number, her fingers smoothing over the letter and feeling the bumps while she waits for him to pick up.

"Swan", Killian says, his voice low and silky in her ear, a pleasant chill rushing down her spine because nobody had ever said her name the way he does.

As if she's precious, somebody who matters more than anybody or anything else.

"I read your letter", she tells him and brushes her hair behind her ear, trying to picture his face, dark hair and cornflower blue eyes and scruff that would make a sound if she ran her fingers along his jaw.

"I wasn't sure if you would."

"Where did you print it out?" She asks, deliberately avoiding to talk about the contents of the letter.

"Your friend Elsa took pity on me and helped me out", Killian says and Emma shakes her head, remembering Elsa's comment about hope earlier today and deciding to buy her something nice for Christmas.

"Lucky me."

"No, Swan, lucky me", Killian tells her and she closes her eyes wishing he were here so that she can have his hand enveloping hers again.

"If you say so", Emma says, wondering at the breathy quality of her voice and lying down on the couch hugging the throw pillow to her chest.

"I know so", he tells her and plunges on before she can say anything else. "Which is why I would like to show you my hothouses tomorrow."

"Killian-"

"Before you remind me again that you don't like cars, I'm going to tell you that there's a train that will let us off near my house, and all we need to do is walk across a field to reach it", Killian tells her and her stomach squeezes because even though she's tempted, she's also scared.

"I don't know."

"I'd come pick you up in the morning and escort you home in the afternoon", he says, and the temptation grows, her grip on her phone tightening.

"Come on, love. Take a leap of faith", he coaxes and Emma has a sudden vision of the two of them digging around in the dirt standing side by side juxtapositioned against the image of her sitting alone in her apartment folding laundry.

"Alright", she says and listens to his plans, his enthusiasm warming her up deep inside where there was nothing but a dark hole since Neal's betrayal.

* * *

Killian knocks on Emma's door and fidgets until she answers it, still half-expecting her to have changed her mind, but she seems eager to come, already wearing her coat and holding her folded up cane in her hand.

"Elsa knows where I'm going and if I don't text her every hour she's going to send the cops after you", Emma says and Killian chuckles because the very idea of harming her is as alien to him as walking on the moon.

"I will make sure you stick to that schedule", Killian tells her and waits until she locks her door, then bumps her hand with his, acutely aware of the slide of her fingers up his arm until they reach his elbow and wrap around it.

They exit her building glued to each other and Killian leads the way to the subway station, their tickets already at the ready.

"I haven't taken the subway in a decade", Emma tells him, her grip tightening with apprehension and he wonders briefly if she just walks everywhere she goes, but he doesn't have time to dwell on it as he tries to figure out how to get her through the barrier in the easiest and gentlest way possible.

"I'll go first, and as soon as you hear a beep that signalizes that I've checked your card you reach out your hand and I'll pull you through", Killian says and Emma bites her lip, then takes a deep breath as if to steel herself and abruptly lets go of his arm.

The machine beeps and Killian goes through, giving Emma a reassuring smile and telling her to get ready; he slips the card between the fingers of his fake hand and grasps Emma's reaching fingers with his real ones, pulling her forward quickly when the barrier slides aside.

She stumbles and they end up pressed together, chest to chest and breaths mingling, his bad arm wrapped around her waist because he didn't have time to check himself and reacted on instinct.

"Sorry", she mumbles and he has to make a conscious effort to release her, perfectly aware of the way her heart slams against his ribs like a trapped bird.

"It's alright, Swan. Just… if at any time you wish me to take you home, don't be afraid to say so", he tells her and she nods, then takes his arm and boldly lifts her chin.

"Let's get a move on before we miss our train."

The ride to the train station is short and they pass through the barrier with much more grace this time, but Emma looks panicky every time her hand isn't touching his arm.

"It must be frightening", he muses, then feels like an insensitive jerk for saying the words out loud as they ascend the stairs leading to the platform where their train is already waiting.

"Being blind?"

"Going down the unfamiliar path", Killian clarifies and watches her face as she contemplates her answer.

"It is, but at the same time I feel freer than I have in a while", Emma says, then grips his arm tightly and forbids him from going anywhere without her.

"I wouldn't dream of it" he reassures her with a chuckle and describes the steep steps into the train, leading her hand to the rail that she uses to pull herself up.

It's easy to find an empty compartment and Emma sits before Killian hangs their coats and joins her, relaxing into his seat and fighting the urge to ask her if she's okay.

"How long is the ride?"

"A little less than an hour", he tells her and decides that this is the best time to tell her how they get off. "My house is right between the last two stations, so we're going to have to jump off when the train slows down."

"What?!" Emma squeaks, half-standing from her seat before he apologizes profusely and takes her hand, telling her that it sounds crazy but it's really not.

"The train slows down to a crawl because of the curve up ahead, and both the engine-man and the conductor are well aware of me doing it", Killian reassures her and her grip on his fingers eases a little. "It's perfectly safe."

"If you say so."

"We can still get off here and do something in the city."

"I trust you, Killian."

He wants to kiss her so badly he can practically taste her already, the fruity smell of her hair filling his nose and making it even harder to keep his urges under control.

"Sometimes I think that you're not even aware of the fact that I'm blind", Emma says wistfully and Killian arches his eyebrow, asking her if that's a bad thing. "It's really not because you still have everything figured out in advance."

"I'm good at finding a way around things", he blurts before he can stop himself and Emma looks confused, but he's saved from explaining when a shrill whistle sounds from outside the train and they lurch into motion.

Emma squeezes Killian's hand and he caresses her knuckles until she relaxes and stops gripping the opposite armrest, the train picking up speed and gently rocking on the tracks as they make their way out of the city.

"Since you expect me to jump off a moving train with you later, I think it's time you answered a few of my questions", Emma says and entwines their fingers, his heart aching because her hand fits so well in his and because he still hasn't figured out a way to tell her that it's the only one he has.

"What do you want to know?"

"How long since you left England?"

"About seven years", Killian says even though he knows how long it's been almost to the day.

"What about your parents and siblings?"

"I don't have either", he says and Emma looks startled, her mouth turning down at the corners.

"Me neither. I might have siblings, though. I never met my parents, so I can't know for sure", she tells him, then bites her lip as if she's afraid she'd said too much.

"My father left my mother when I was still young, and she died when I was fifteen. I had a brother, but…", he trails off, but finds it impossible to go on, his chest suddenly feeling too tight.

"What was his name?" Emma asks him softly, her free hand coming to rest on his forearm, her thumb caressing the exposed skin at the edge of his sweater.

"Liam."

She repeats the name but doesn't say she's sorry, and it's somehow comforting that she understands pain as well as he does.

"We're both all alone", she says wistfully, and he realizes that he'd known all along that she must be an orphan too.

She's got the same look in her eyes that he sees in the mirror every time he dares looking at it.

The one you get when you've been left alone.

After that, Emma keeps the conversation light until it's time for them to get their coats on again, but Killian feels closer to her than he ever did to Milah, and he would be lying if he said it didn't frighten the living daylights out of him.

He realizes then that Emma isn't the only one who's going to have to take a leap of faith before the day is through.

* * *

**Review?**


	9. Cymbidium

**Have some more fluff before we all die from the new episode. Thank you for reading, and I hope you enjoy. P.S. You have to be patient just a little bit longer for Killian to reveal the truth about his hand to Emma.  
**

* * *

Emma is standing in the train hallway, her hand resting on Killian's shoulder while they wait for the opportunity to get off, and even though her stomach is in knots, she's not as frightened as you'd expect a blind girl to be at the idea of jumping off a moving train.

"Don't worry, Swan", Killian tells her for the third time, his body shifting as he turns toward her and she tilts her head back when she smiles and reassures him that she's not worried.

"I trust you", she says and feels the train slowing down, her muscles tightening as she gets ready for what's going to follow.

Killian opens the door and cold air rushes in, Emma's hand losing the contact with his shoulder for a moment as he descends the steep steps, then reaches for her hand again.

"Let the railing go and get on the first step; I'll do the rest", he says, his shoes crunching on gravel as he walks next to the train.

Emma does as he'd told her and experiences a brief moment of panic when he tugs her forward, but then his arms are wrapped around her and he eases her down on solid ground, her heart-rate quickly returning to normal.

"You alright, love?" Killian asks her softly, his left arm still around her, his hand arranging her hair on her shoulder.

"It was kind of… thrilling", she tells him and rests her palms against his chest, his warm breath fanning her nose when she tips her head back as if looking at him.

Killian chuckles, the sound vibrating through her palms, and she wonders if he wants to kiss her as much as she wants to kiss him.

"We should get going", he tells her and unwinds his arm from around her waist, positioning himself on her left so that she can take his elbow. "It's a field, so make sure you don't drag your feet."

Emma nods and after a few tentative steps she realizes that he's not going to let her stumble, often leading her around holes just to make it easier on her; she relaxes and inhales the fresh air, then slides her fingers down Killian's arm, slipping her hand in his.

"How many hothouses do you have?" She asks and Killian perks up, telling her how there was none at all when he bought the farmhouse and how he built the two he has himself. "You're good with your hands, then?"

"I try", Killian says, and there's a strange quality to his voice that gives her pause, but then they arrive on the gravel road and he leads her up rickety steps and into his house. "Would you like coffee or tea to warm up a little first?"

"I thought you brought me here to smell your flowers", Emma says and beams in Killian's direction, unbuttoning her coat because the house is pleasantly warm.

"I did, but we have plenty of time", he promises and she surrenders her coat and hat, leaving her cane in the pocket where it's been since they got on the train.

And so Killian makes Emma coffee that's a little weak but smells amazing, and she asks him the question that's been on her mind since she had learned about his past.

"Why did you decide to become a florist?"

"Doesn't seem like a natural choice after the glamorous life of crime, does it?" He says and sets his cup of tea back on the table, making Emma wonder what his eyes would betray if she could see him; he sounds stoic, but she doubts he really is.

"You don't have to tell me if-"

"My mother had a shop a lot like the one I have now", Killian says and Emma sips her coffee, her fingers sliding against the table until they encounter his forearm, the wool of his sweater tickling her as she follows his arm to his hand.

She traces the lines of his palm with her fingertips and he releases a soft sigh that makes her redouble her efforts to offer his comfort, her fingers filling the spaces between his to encourage him to go on.

"Liam and I grew up helping her and after she died, he took over", Killian says and Emma senses that he's not ready to tell her everything yet, so she steers the conversation from whatever had happened in England that made him move all the way across the ocean.

"And once you settled here, you decided to open your own shop?" She asks and wonders if he forgets himself with her and nods, wishing she could see his expressions more than she wishes she could see him.

"It took me a while, but I figured it out", he says softly and rubs the back of her hand with his thumb, probably lost in memories.

"Your mother and brother would be proud of you", Emma says and releases her coffee cup, tracing his long, elegant fingers with her own.

"Do you think so?" He asks, and he sounds so hopeful, so eager for approval that emotion fills her throat and makes it impossible to speak.

Emma nods and explores his fingers, discovering tiny scars that he'd probably gotten from handling thorny roses, and she's overcome with the most ridiculous urge to press her lips against the ones that feel most painful.

"There's a tattoo between my thumb and index finger", he tells her and Emma touches it, realizing that she had mistaken it for one of the scars in her earlier explorations.

"I'm not sure what it is", she admits as she follows the contours that feel like a circle with a line piercing it. "An apple and an arrow?"

"A heart with a dagger through it", Killian says and Emma knows without a shadow of a doubt that there is somebody in his past that had hurt him as much as Neal had hurt her.

"I have a flower", she tells him and pulls up the cuff of her shirt to show him, his finger instantly tracing it the way she had just done to him.

"A buttercup", he says and she grins, shivering from the rush of his skin against hers.

She is so acutely aware of his closeness, of the ocean scent of him and his warmth that she loses herself a little and misses what he had said.

"What?"

"I asked you what it meant."

"It's to remember somebody from long ago… A friend who abandoned me when I needed her most", Emma says, wondering where Lily might be now and if she ever misses their friendship.

"I'm sorry."

"People always leave", Emma says with a shrug and hopes she doesn't feel as bitter as she feels.

"That has been my experience as well", Killian tells her and she is glad that he doesn't try to promise her that he won't do that to her.

It's not something you can promise without being some kind of a psychic who's able to see the future.

"Ready for all the flowers I want to show you?" He asks and Emma lets him pull her to her feet, then lays her hand on his arm and follows him through the house and into fragrant Wonderland.

* * *

Killian leads Emma from plant to plant, watching her lean in to smell their blooms, her hands gently cupping flowers and her fingers smoothing over leaves, his heart feeling so full of affection that he's afraid it might burst.

"And this?" She asks every time she encounters something unfamiliar and he tells her the name and makes sure to describe the colors as best as he can, even showing off a little with the Latin name.

"_Cymbidium parishii_?" Emma repeats, and traces her index finger along the petal of one of the orchids they are standing next to.

"Exactly like that", Killian says and she looks so proud of herself he decides against teasing her for her accent. "Would you like to help me move it to another pot so you can take it home with you?"

"Can I have the one you showed me before instead? The "Best Pink" one?" She ask tentatively as if he might say no, and he wonders if she would be more aware of the depth of his devotion if she could see.

He would let her take all the flowers currently growing in both his hothouses if it would please her, and he's sure it must show on his face and in his eyes every time he looks at her.

"Of course you can, love", he says and leads her back to the desired orchid, then tells her to lay her hand on his to get an idea of what he's doing when he scoops the flower out along with the soil surrounding it.

His heart skips a beat when she touches him, then speeds up when her left hand finds his fake one; he's wearing a glove to protect it and Emma doesn't seem to notice that it's not real underneath the worn leather, and together they get the orchid out and put it in a small pot, packing in more soil around it.

"Now you just have to tie the stem to a support and we're done", Killian says and hands her a long plastic wire before he rummages in a drawer of the worktable for some string.

"Are you sure I should be doing this?" Emma asks and Killian is on the verge of telling her about his hand once again, but he just can't make his lips say the words.

_I only have one hand._

It sounds awful even just in his head, and he continues to deceive her even though it makes him feel like the worst human around.

"Your fingers are slimmer and more graceful than mine. You'll do better", he tells her and she looks pleased with his compliments, applying herself to the task at hand, her brow furrowed in concentration.

Killian is afraid to speak until she's done, and she steps back as if admiring her handiwork before she reaches for his hand as if needing reassurance that he's still there.

"Well then, Swan. What do you think of my humble enterprise?"

"I think it's wonderful", Emma answers without hesitation and steps a little closer to him, her body swaying into his and her free hand resting on his bicep even as she entwines their fingers.

"Worth jumping out of a moving train?" He asks and she grins, resting her head against his shoulder with a content sigh.

"Worth doing it with your eyes closed", she says and nuzzles the side of his neck with her nose, then stands on tiptoes so that their faces are only an inch apart, her hand cupping his cheek before she slowly leans in for a kiss.

Killian closes his eyes and gives himself over to sensation, to the feel of her soft, moist lips pressing first against his jaw, then his mouth, both of them moaning softly at the contact, his arms going around her waist without a moment's hesitation when she releases his hand so that she can slide her fingers into his hair.

They kiss for what feels like an age, their tongues finding each other and Emma's hips pressing snugly against his own, her back arching when he deepens the kiss and does his best to make her as needy as he feels right now.

The fact that she doesn't shy away from his evident arousal gives him hope that she won't attempt to pull away when they inevitably come up for air, and Killian continues kissing her as if the rest of the world had stopped existing because nothing matters to him aside from the fact that she's finally in his arms.

When they finally pull apart it's because they are both too breathless and wound up to keep going without taking things much further than a kiss, but they remain standing with foreheads pressed, Emma's hands braced on his shoulders and her eyes still closed.

"Thank you, Killian", Emma says, and even though he's not certain if she's thanking him for the kiss or the flowers, he reassures her that she's very welcome. "Didn't you promise to cook me lunch?"

"Indeed I did. And there's apple pie for dessert", he tells her and kisses her nose, then presses another long but more restrained kiss to her lovely lips before guiding her around with his bad arm around her waist so that he can pick up her orchid and carry it into the house for now.

Emma looks perfectly content and heart-stoppingly beautiful, her hair mussed from his fingers and her lips swollen from his kisses, but what gets him the most is how brightly green her eyes are, furthering the illusion that she can see him when she turns her head and gives him a smile.

But then again, maybe she can see him much better than anybody else ever did.

Maybe she can see only the things that matter.

* * *

**Review?**


	10. Amaryllis

**You guys are blowing me away with your response to this fic, so if you've recovered from the last episode, have some more fluff and feels. Thank you for reading, and enjoy! P.S. The truth about Killian's hand is coming out very, very soon.  
**

* * *

For the rest of her weekend Emma feels like she's floating on a cloud; she dreams about Killian's kisses and wakes up on Sunday reaching for him even though he hadn't even come into the apartment when he escorted her home yesterday, his lips barely grazing her cheek when he told her goodbye.

Elsa insists on dissecting every moment of Emma's Saturday when they meet for coffee and Emma indulges her even though her self-doubt grows the more she thinks about the return trip and how Killian seemed uncomfortable with public displays of affection safe for holding her hand whenever she needed his help.

As if sensing her mood, Killian texts her on Sunday afternoon and asks if he might see her tomorrow after work, and Emma manages to put off answering for almost half an hour before she agrees.

She doesn't want to seem too eager, but at the same time she's afraid he's going to write her off if she's too hesitant to answer him.

"Swan", he greets her as soon as she enters his shop, his hand taking hers and leading her away from the door. "How was work?"

"Same as always. Slightly boring and not very demanding", Emma says and bites her lip because that had come out bitter and she had promised herself a long time ago not to bad-mouth her job because she'd been luckier than most to be able to life comfortably in this economy, especially considering her disability.

"Not very fulfilling, is it?" Killian enquires as they make their slow way into the back room where she surrenders her coat, cane and bag while she tells him what she'd been telling herself moments ago. "Stability is important, but nothing stops you from dreaming about something that would make you happy and allow you to earn good money."

"Easy for you to say, Mr. Continuing-the-family-legacy", she tells him with a smile and listens the now-familiar sounds of him making tea.

"Not as easy as you'd expect", he says, the muffled sound of his voice indicating that his back is turned and Emma frowns, feeling more frustrated with the darkness surrounding her than she had in a while.

Killian is a puzzle she would like to solve, but she fears that doing so would be difficult even if she could see his face.

"I learned a long time ago that some dreams weren't meant to come true", she tells him and cautiously walks to his workbench, following her nose to the bouquet of flowers that's waiting to get delivered to somebody special.

"And yet it's impossible to forget them, is it not?" Killian asks and covers her hand resting on the table with his so that his arm is around her, his lips brushing her cheek as he speaks and instantly making her body come alive from his nearness.

"You smell like the ocean", she says and he chuckles, his thumb rubbing gentle circles into her palm.

"Or, rather, my shower gel does."

"I used to dream of having a house right on the beach", she tells him and tilts her head a little, giving him the perfect opportunity to cover the minute distance between their lips and kiss her again.

He doesn't disappoint, his mouth pressing against hers in a lazy caress that makes her sway and grip the material of his shirt in her free hand to help her stay on her feet.

"Someday you will have a house on the beach", Killian whispers against her lips and it sounds like a promise, his voice so full of conviction; he makes it sound like he would go to the ends of the Earth to make her dream come true.

"I would be content with just being near the ocean again", she admits and Killian is silent for a little while, her fingers itching to explore his face so that she might have a better chance at guessing his thoughts.

"It would take a two hour drive, but you're frightened of cars."

"I'm not frightened", she argues even though she knows he's right because it's a weakness she hates and doesn't know how to get rid of.

"Have you ever tried to overcome the fear?"

"How do you suggest I go about that? Just go into a random cab and hope I don't have a panic attack?" She asks him sharply and he pulls back, either hurt or puzzled.

"Of course not."

Puzzled, then.

"First, you try just sitting in a car. I volunteer my truck and my person to keep you company", he says and despite the painful clenching of her stomach at the idea, Emma has to admit that she's intrigued.

"And then?"

"Then we drive around the parking lot. Just one lap to see how you take it", he assures her and Emma is completely stunned that he would do something like that for her. "If it's too much, we can still take the train to the coast."

"You can't be real", she says and he chuckles, then kisses her forehead and tells her that he's as real as she is.

"Let's test my theory", he tells her and puts his jacket over her shoulders, abandoning his tea and leading her out the back door and to his truck.

"What about the shop?"

"If it pleases them to take a few flowers without paying for them, then so be it", Killian says nonchalantly and leads her to the passenger side, but when he opens the door she finds that she can't make herself move to climb into the truck. "Love, hey, it's alright. We don't have to do this."

"I want to do it", she says, but she still doesn't move.

"How about the driver's seat?" He asks and Emma gives him a doubtful look but still follows him back around, her left hand sliding over the hood of the truck and her right resting on Killian's shoulder.

Emma thinks her heart is going to jump out of her chest, but when Killian opens the door and puts her hand on the wheel, she scrambles into the driver's seat and sits there, realizing that she can breathe just fine.

"Alright?" Killian asks, rubbing her back and staying close-by while she adjusts and assesses her reaction, and it's only when she nods that he runs around the car and gets into the passenger seat; she grips the wheel tightly and breathes a soft sigh of relief only when he reaches over and covers her hand with his.

"I'm sitting in a car", she says more to herself than him and jumps a little when he closes his door.

"Sorry, love. Would you like me to keep my door opened too?" He asks but she shakes her head and makes herself let go of the wheel and slam her door closed.

"It's not as bad as I expected", she tells him and that's exactly the moment panic hits, breath hitching in her throat and her hands reaching desperately for him.

"It's alright, lass. You're alright", he says and pulls her on his lap, her arms wrapping around his neck and her face pressing against his cheek.

Cold air rushes in when he opens the passenger door, but he doesn't carry her out of the car.

"You are safe, love. Nothing is going to happen to you", he murmurs against her ear and keeps holding her until she believes him.

* * *

It takes Emma ten minutes to stop trembling and release her vice-like grip around Killian, and it's only when she pulls back a bit that Killian becomes aware of the intimacy of their position; she's curled on his lap and her calf is pressed against his groin, her hands resting on his shoulders while his holds her side.

"Close the door", Emma says and shivers because his jacket has been left behind on the driver's seat when he took her in his arms, so Killian obeys her instruction and waits to see how she reacts.

She remains motionless for a full minute before she relaxes and slides her hands up his neck, her left cupping the back of his head and her right resting against his cheek.

"Would you mind if I tried figuring out what you look like?" She asks him softly and he turns his head to kiss her palm, telling her that he doesn't mind at all. "Stay still, then. You don't want me to poke you in those cornflower blue eyes of yours."

"That would be most unfortunate", he says and she smiles, then closes her eyes and starts tracing her fingers over the contours of his face, smoothing over his jaw and brushing against his cheeks before she encounters his nose.

"Seems pretty fine to me. It's a nose, and a cute at that", she says and presses her thumb against the root of it, sliding it down until she reaches the end. "Not as big as you think."

"If you say so", he tells her and she tugs on it gently, then admits that she likes the fact that it's not perfect.

"It gives character to your face", she says and focuses her attention on his brows and forehead, his eyelashes fluttering against her palms and making her giggle.

Emma Swan sitting on his lap in the passenger seat of his car giggling is not something he had expected when they started this experiment, and it's more satisfying than anything they've shared before.

"You have eyelashes like a girl!" She exclaims and Killian huffs, gathering her wrists in his hand and holding them away.

"Take it back."

"I will not", Emma giggles and easily frees herself, then traces the scar on his cheek with her finger. "How did you get this?"

"Cut myself trying to shave when I was little", he says automatically because that's what he'd been telling people since the beginning.

"Nuh-uh. I always know when people are lying to me", Emma says almost nonchalantly, and even though it's clear she's not going to push if he doesn't want to tell her, he gets the strangest urge to finally let the truth out.

"My father was a drunk", Killian tells her and Emma opens her eyes, her fingers stilling against his cheek. "He sliced me with a knife to prove a point."

"Killian", she breathes, but she doesn't look as shocked as he had expected, just leans forward and gently kisses the faint scar. "What was the point?"

"That my mother loved him too much to ever kick him out", Killian says and lifts his hand to caress her smooth cheek with his knuckles. "He was wrong."

"She sounds like a brave woman."

"She was", Killian agrees and Emma lifts the sleeve of her shirt, showing him a pale cigarette burn that makes his blood boil with rage at the person who had inflicted it.

"One of my foster fathers did this to me because I wanted to watch the Smurfs while his game was on", she says and Killian lifts her arm so that he can kiss the burn the way she had kissed his scar.

"I would be honored to beat him up if we happened upon him", Killian tells her and Emma gives him a wry smile, asking him if other florists make it a habit of using their hands in such manner.

The fact that Killian is painfully aware of another opening to tell Emma about his hand doesn't make it any easier to actually say the words.

"The only other florist I know is Will, and he's more prone to walking into people's fists than throwing punches of his own."

"Sounds like a nice guy", Emma says and cups Killian's cheeks between her palms, then kisses him firmly, her warm tongue slipping into his mouth and making his jeans feel uncomfortably tight. "I think you must be really handsome."

"Even despite my less than perfect nose?" He laughs and Emma nods earnestly, brushing her small, pretty one against his.

"Maybe even because of it", she tells him and he wonders if she knows how much in awe of her he is, and how happy he is to be given the gift of her company, not to mention the joy of having her on his lap, so completely trusting and so very brave in the face of her phobia.

"Thank you, love", he says and kisses her jaw, nibbling gently on her neck until her fingers dig into his shoulders and she thanks him in a breathless voice that makes him briefly entertain the fantasy of taking her right here.

"Up for that lap around the parking lot?" Killian asks because Emma Swan deserves more from him than a quickie in cramped quarters, but then again, she also deserves to know that he is not as whole as he appears before they fall into bed together.

"Let's try it", Emma says and he drags his mind out of the gutter and opens the door, then kisses her once more before getting out of the car and jogging around to get into the driver's seat.

"Put your seatbelt on", he tells her because he's not entirely sure she wouldn't attempt jumping out of a moving car if she starts panicking.

Emma keeps one hand on the door handle and the other grips the edge of her seat while Killian eases his truck into motion, careful to keep the speed low, his hand taking Emma's and holding it as they circle the parking lot at a snail's pace.

He waits until she relaxes in her seat and only then parks the truck and shuts off the engine, then reaches into the back seat and hands Emma the first flower he encounters.

"Is this my golden star?" She asks him with a light chuckle and he nods, brushing a lock of her hair behind her ear as she explores the flower.

"A medal of honor in the shape of Amaryllis Belladonna", he murmurs, hoping she can tell how proud he is of her just from the sound of his voice.

"Thank you", she says and Killian decides that he doesn't care if all the flowers had gotten stolen from the shop in his absence.

It would be more than worth it just to see Emma smile like this.

* * *

**Review?**


	11. Zinnia

**I think everybody is ready for a dose of angst after the last few fluffy chapters, and you're getting it today because Killian finally tells Emma about his hand. Enjoy, and thank you so much for reading.**

* * *

Two days after Emma had let Killian drive her around the parking lot, she decides that she's ready for the road. Killian doesn't sound too enthusiastic about the idea, asking her if she wouldn't rather they circle the parking lot for a while longer.

"I'm fine in the parking lot", she tells him, exasperated with his reluctance. "I have to be fine with driving where we can go faster than ten miles per hour."

"You could give yourself a little more time-"

"I wasted a decade already. How much time do you think I need?" She asks him sharply and lifts her chin up, refusing to back down because she had barely convinced herself and she doesn't need Killian to make her question what she intends to do.

"Very well", he finally says and locks up his shop this time, leading her around the building and to his truck. "Are you absolutely sure-"

"Let's just get it over with", Emma cuts him off and fumbles for the door handle, getting in and putting on her seat belt by the time Killian had walked around the truck.

"Here we go, then", he says and starts the truck, the motor rumbling loudly in Emma's ears, the vibrations traveling through her body even before they start moving, slow at first and then faster and faster when they leave the parking lot behind. "Breathe, love."

Emma takes a big breath and grips the edge of her seat tightly, but she knows that she won't be able to stand this for much longer before her chest starts feeling too tight.

"Talk to me, Swan", Killian says and takes her hand in his, laying it against the gear shift so that she feels it when he shifts into third gear.

"I'm scared."

"I know, darling. We can stop whenever you want", he says and she squeezes her eyes tightly shut, hoping she'll be able to keep it together for at least a few more minutes.

"Not yet."

"Emma, please", he says and his voice is coming from too far away, blood rushing in her ears and cold sweat breaking out at the base of her spine because they are going to crash and she's going to lose much more than her sight.

The truck stops and cold air rushes in when Killian opens his door, and she desperately tries to release her seatbelt but it won't budge until Killian is at her side and bodily lifting her out of the car.

"It's alright, love, just breathe", he coaxes gently, his hands rubbing up and down her arms to warm her while she fights for every breath.

"I'm sorry", she whispers and even though she doesn't want to cry, she can't help the tears that escape her because she feels so weak and so foolish, so embarrassed that she couldn't tame her fear.

"Nothing to be sorry for, Emma. It was too soon", he tells her and brushes her tears away, then pulls her close and cradles her head against his shoulder. "You were very brave, and next time won't be so scary."

"I never want to do this again."

"Swan-"

"No. It's too much. I have to accept my limitations and just take the train."

"There's nothing you can't do if you're stubborn enough", Killian tells her and even though it sounds like he's speaking from experience, she feels slightly annoyed because he can't possibly understand what she's going through.

"I'm plenty stubborn, but this is beyond my control."

"Everybody gets scared sometimes", he says and leans against his truck, his arms loosely wrapped around her and holding her pressed close to him.

"What do you have to be scared of?" She asks pointedly and he goes perfectly still for a moment, then takes a deep breath and lets his hands fall from her waist.

"Of your reaction when you realize how I've deceived you", he finally says and Emma frowns, her stomach tying itself into knots as she waits for him to explain. "You didn't notice at first, and then I started going out of my way to hide it, and I'm sorry-"

"Killian, you're scaring me. What did you hide?"

"I only have one hand", he says and she's tempted to laugh because it sounds ridiculous, because she knows he's got two, because they were both resting on her hips just a minute ago. "My left hand is a prosthetic."

Emma shakes her head, reaching for Killian's left arm and feeling him tremble when she follows it down to the leather glove that he often keeps on; she had thought it was to protect his hand from the thorns, but when she tugs it off she realizes that it was there to hide the truth from her.

The hand underneath the glove is cold and feels slightly like rubber, only firmer, the fingers pliable but clearly not able to move on their own.

"Is this some kind of a practical joke?" She asks, desperate for any kind of an explanation that would not make her lose faith in him. "Just show me your real hand and we'll forget that this had ever happened."

"I'm so sorry, Swan. I know I don't have a valid excuse for doing this to you, but I had hoped that you would accept me as I am once you got to know me better… I just wanted a fair chance at winning your affection", he says and she takes a step back from him, feeling sick to her stomach and so very betrayed.

"Do you think I'm so shallow that I would've run from you just because you're missing a hand? Me? A blind girl who has to battle prejudice every day? How could you do this to me?" She exclaims and pulls her cane from her coat pocket, unfolding it so forcefully it almost breaks.

"Emma, please, try to understand-"

"You exploited my blindness and I'm never going to forgive you for that", she yells at him and tears burn her eyes but she somehow manages to keep them from spilling down her cheeks.

"Love-"

"No. You don't get to call me that. You're a liar and a coward and we're done", she snaps and wishes to God she knew where they were so she wouldn't have to ask anything more from him. "Which way do I go to reach my apartment?"

Now that she knows the truth, everything starts to make more sense; how rarely he touched her with his fake hand, how he always walked on her left, which she had foolishly believed was for her benefit, and especially those odd little comments that she didn't understand before.

"We're in front of the bank", Killian tells her and turns her in the right direction, and as soon as he releases her arm she starts walking away, her head held high even though she feels like she's dying inside.

She had thought he was honorable and decent and she had let her walls down because he seemed trustworthy, but now it's obvious that she should've kept her distance and saved herself another heartbreak.

Even though she's listening intently, Emma doesn't hear Killian go back into his car and drive away, so she assumes he's watching her go, but she doesn't stop or turn around.

It's too late for that.

* * *

Killian finds Will in the third pub he checks; his friend is on his merry way to get sloshed and Killian sits on a bar stool next to him, ordering two rum shots and staring at his fake hand until Will notices he's there.

"What brings you out, mate?" Will asks and clinks his glass against Killian's, both of them downing the contents in one go and signaling the bartender for another.

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Did you already muck up with Emma?" Will asks in a moment of rare inspiration and Killian glares at him across his shot glass. "So you did. What did you do?"

"Give it a rest, Scarlet."

"You can tell me now while you're still sober or you can wait to become hammered, but either way you're going to tell me. Might as well be while you're still coherent", Will says and sways a little on his stool; Killian figures he won't remember their conversation anyway when he wakes up with a hangover tomorrow, so he decides to tell him what happened.

"I didn't tell her about my hand."

"What about your hand?" Will frowns and squints at the prosthetic resting on the bar, undoubtedly trying to bring it into focus.

"That I don't have it", Killian hisses and Will looks slightly confused.

"She didn't notice?" He asks and Killian wonders if his friend is being dense on purpose or if it's just a side-effect of all the alcohol he'd inhaled tonight.

"She's blind, Will."

"Yeah, I know, but still. I thought you were together", Will says and Killian only just contains the urge to sock him in the jaw.

"We were taking it slow."

"Bloody Hell", Will mutters with feeling and downs another shot. "You hid it from her."

"And the worst part? If I met her again I would've done it all the same", Killian grumbles and squeezes his fake fingers with his real ones. "Emma was right. I'm a coward."

"Don't be so hard on yourself, mate. You're just slightly thick in the head."

"How many times did a woman practically throw herself at me and then abruptly backpedaled when she noticed this?" Killian asks and waves his prosthetic hand in the air, then slams it back down on the bar. "I was just trying to prevent that happening with Emma."

"I take it back. You're not thick, you're completely bonkers", Will says and frowns at his empty glass. "Emma is blind, mate."

"I'm well aware of that fact", Killian says, feeling like the worst kind of scum for deceiving her like he did.

"And yet you think that she would care that you're missing a hand? A blind girl who gets dismissed all the time even though she's beautiful and has much better memory than you and me combined?" Will asks him incredulously and Killian wishes he had kept his mouth shut.

"It's not as simple as you make it sound."

"What's not?"

"How was I supposed to bring it up? Have a flower, Emma, and by the way, that's my only hand?" Killian says and slides his finger in circles over the edge of his glass.

"Yeah, that's exactly how", Will says and gives the bartended a slightly cross-eyed look, asking him for another drink.

"You should go home before you fall over and land on your face."

"And you should go by Emma's place and apologize", Will says idly but neither of them moves.

Killian ends up driving Will home and then spends half the night driving in circles around Emma's building, debating on whether or not to go in and finally deciding to just leave her a bouquet of beautiful magenta-colored zinnias in front of the door.

She might step on it on her way to work, but he doubts she'd appreciate it if he rang her doorbell and informed her about the flowers he's leaving for her.

It's almost 4 a.m. when Killian finally arrives home, and he doesn't waste time on undressing, just collapses into bed and takes off his prosthetic hand as quickly as he is able, groaning when his stump is finally uncovered.

Killian is used to the dull ache that never really goes away, but in the past few weeks he'd been too busy working and spending time with Emma to take proper care of his injury, so it's not surprising that the pain intensifies now that it seems he'd lost Emma for good.

"I'm sorry, love", he mutters under his breath and tries to massage the pain away, wondering if maybe Will was right after all; maybe he wouldn't be alone now if he hadn't been a bloody coward and told Emma the truth soon after they met.

But then again, maybe it would've been worse, and he would have never gotten a chance to kiss and hold his beautiful Swan if he had been honest with her.

Killian closes his eyes and decides that he wouldn't trade a single touch he got to share with Emma, and if it was predestined that he would end up losing her, he's glad it was later rather than sooner.

And besides, he might still find a way to convince her to forgive him and give him another chance.

* * *

**Review?**


	12. Hyacinthus

**Thank you so much for going on this journey with me, and I hope you'll enjoy this chapter; there's angst, but cuteness too. On with the story!  
**

* * *

Emma wishes Killian had waited to tell her the truth until Friday because even though his deceit would go on longer, she would have two more days of memories and the weekend to try and get over him.

The worst thing is, she is fairly sure she'd forgive him if he would just text her or leave her voice messages trying to apologize, but her phone remains stubbornly quiet and her face keeps crumpling because she misses his arms and his kisses and the sweet nothings he whispers in her ear when she's upset.

She's upset now and he's nowhere to be found.

Last time Emma had had her heart broken she had other things to focus on, like the fact that she was going to spend the rest of her life in the dark, and even though Neal's betrayal had hurt, she had managed to convince herself that she was better off without him anyway.

This time she doesn't have that luxury because even a blind man would see how much better her life became with Killian at her side; he challenged her and encouraged her to step out of the same three blocks she'd been circling for the past few years, and as a result she'd ridden in subways and trains and even in a car, finally facing her fears.

The possibility that it's all over makes her chest feel too tight.

Sometimes when she's in a new and unfamiliar space Emma feels like she's adrift at sea, lost in the endless blue without a harbor in sight, but she had never experienced that sensation while sitting on her couch until now.

She wants Killian's hand to hold and she doesn't care if it's his real or fake one.

When her alarm clock wakes her in the morning Emma's eyes feel puffy and she can only guess how red they must look, but there is finally a text from Killian and she listens to it eagerly even though she vows that she won't be forgiving him easily.

"I am so sorry, love. I was selfish and I acted like a coward, but I never intended to hurt you. P.S. I left you a bouquet on the doormat, but I will understand if you step on it and throw it in the trash", the monotone voice reads the text but Emma hears Killian's accent shape words in her head and it's quite a task trying to hold onto her anger.

She doesn't text back but she takes the flowers in her arms and inhales the pleasant fragrance, recognizing zinnias and wondering which color did he pick, but then quickly coming to the conclusion that it doesn't really matter.

He was here last night and he hadn't given up on her despite the things she had yelled at him yesterday, and it makes her feel slightly better.

Still, she goes to work the long way around so she doesn't have to pass by his shop because she's nowhere near ready to talk to him, much less to forgive him.

"You're late", Elsa announces as soon as Emma comes in and adds in a teasing voice, "because Killian kept you up last night?"

"He did, but not the way you think", Emma tells her with a sigh and drops in her chair, busying herself with turning on her computer and arranging her things on the desk.

"You sound tired."

"It's all messed up and I didn't sleep well."

"Did you break up with him?" Elsa asks and Emma's heart squeezes in her chest because she guesses she did, but she's not ready to admit it.

"Why do you think I would be the one breaking up with him?" Emma huffs and types in her username and password with a little too much force. "He could've been the one to break up with me."

"He is smitten with you. I could hear it in his voice when he came to ask for my help with your letter", Elsa says gently and Emma feels annoyed that her friend seems to be taking his side. "What did he do?"

"He lied to me."

"About?"

"What does it matter? I don't need romance and lovey-dovey stuff if he can't be honest with me."

"I doubt he's got a girl on the side and he had already told you about his past, so I can't imagine what could be so bad that you would break up with him over it", Elsa says and Emma realizes that the reason why she doesn't want to tell Elsa what Killian's transgression was is that she's afraid Elsa is going to rationalize it and make Emma look silly for overreacting.

"He's got just one hand", Emma finally whispers and braces herself for Elsa's reaction.

"What? Where's the other one?"

"I don't know how he lost it; I just know that he'd made damn sure I wouldn't find out. He made a fool of me and it feels awful."

"How did you figure it out, then? I can't believe it took you so long."

"I didn't."

"You didn't what?"

"I didn't figure it out. Dumb little blind girl didn't realize that her boyfriend's left hand was fake. God I'm such an idiot."

"So he told you?" Elsa asks and Emma doesn't like how this conversation is progressing at all.

"Yeah, he did, after a month of knowing me and a week of dating me. Don't you think it's a little too late?" Emma shoots back and Elsa takes forever to answer. "Who knows what else he's hiding."

"What if you could've fooled him into thinking you could see? Wouldn't you take the opportunity?"

"I knew you would be on his side."

"I'm not on his side. I want you to be happy, and he made you happy", Elsa says wistfully and as if to prove her point, Emma's phone signals another text form Killian.

"It wasn't real."

"Because you didn't have all the facts? I doubt you told him all your secrets either", Elsa says and leaves the office to give Emma some privacy with her phone, leaving her wondering if she had overreacted.

She decides that she hadn't and doesn't listen to Killian's text.

* * *

Emma doesn't pass by Killian's shop on her way to work and Killian feels equal amounts guilty and uneasy, his mind torturing him with images of Emma walking into oncoming traffic even though he knows her hearing is too sharp for that and her sense of orientation is better than his own.

He texts her a few more times and calls during her lunch break when she doesn't even open his texts, but the call goes to voicemail and he gets progressively more worried as the time passes.

When he goes by her apartment to leave her a bouquet of hyacinths, he discovers that she had taken in the zinnias, and knocking on her door proves that she'd gone to work because while she might not answer the door knowing it's most likely Killian on the other side, the perfect silence of an empty apartment can't be faked.

That hit-by-a-car scenario is starting to look less and less farfetched and at 3:30 Killian can't take it anymore, so he closes the shop and waits in front of the Hall, telling himself that he won't even talk to her, that he will walk away as soon as he makes sure that she's alright.

By the time she comes out of the building a couple of minutes past 4:15, Killian had already worked himself into a full blown panic and he can't stop himself from saying her name, the two syllables coming out sounding raw and broken.

To his surprise, Emma walks across the few feet separating them and throws her arms around him, clinging to him wordlessly and shaking like a leaf, her breathing ragged even though - as far as he can tell with her face pressed against his shoulder - she's not crying.

"Swan, what happened?" He asks because he doesn't doubt that she's still mad at him and that this doesn't mean he's been forgiven.

"My mom called me", she mumbles and burrows closer against him.

"Your foster mom?"

"No, my real mom", she says and his eyes widen, his fingers slowly combing through her hair.

"You don't have to see her if you don't want to, love", he murmurs and for some reason that comment makes Emma go from dry eyes to sobbing. "Shhh, it's alright."

"She didn't give me up for adoption", Emma hiccups, her words jumbling together, and Killian is at a complete loss as to what he should do.

"Shhh, calm down, sweetheart. It will be alright, I promise you", he murmurs and kisses the top of her head, brushing her tears away when she pulls away a little, her arms still wrapped around his waist. "Would you like me to walk you home so you can tell me the whole story?"

The world seems to be holding its breath while Emma tries to decide what to do, and Killian would thank her mother's timing if it wasn't for the fact that her reappearance had clearly brought Emma more heartache.

"Okay. But I'm still mad at you", she says and hugs him once more, her ribcage expanding when she breathes in deeply, and he wonders if she's just trying to keep her tears at bay or inhale his scent because she had missed him as much as he had missed her.

"I know, lass", he tells her and deliberately presses his fake hand against the small of her back, refusing to hide from her anymore.

They walk past Killian's store without touching aside from their fingers occasionally brushing together, and he keeps glancing at her face, wishing he could wipe away the traces of sadness that he had undoubtedly grooved into the shadows beneath her eyes which her mother only deepened today.

Once they reach Emma's door he bends to pick up the bouquet and Emma tilts her head to the side as she inhales, reaching out her hand wordlessly and caressing the pretty colorful blooms with a sad half-smile pulling at her lips without reaching her eyes.

"What happens when you run out of flowers to give me?" She asks and he only wishes he would get the opportunity to run out of them because it would mean they have been together for a long, long time.

"I'll start over in a different order", he assures her and his answer seems to satisfy her because for the first time since they've met, he's admitted into her apartment.

"Would you like some tea?"

"You don't have to trouble yourself with-"

"Killian", Emma says sharply and snatches the flowers from his hand. "I'm making you tea."

"Alright", he concedes and takes off his jacket, hanging it on a hook in the hallway and following Emma into her kitchen.

Emma puts the flowers in a vase first, then turns on the electric kettle and drops her bag on a chair before draping her coat over it, her hands smoothing it over before she tells Killian that he can wait for her in the living room.

He feels out of place in this barely-used kitchen so he obeys, sitting on the further side of the couch and thinking idly how his business is going to go under soon if he keeps closing the shop in the middle of the day.

Five minutes later Emma carries in a tray with two mugs of tea and a bowl of sugar, and his hand hovers in the air as she lowers it onto the coffee table in case she fumbles it, but she's confident and not a drop gets spilled.

"Two sugars, right?" She asks and he frowns because he can't recall ever telling her that.

"Yes."

They sip their tea quietly because he's waiting for her to be ready, but she seems to pull further into herself the longer nobody speaks, so Killian realizes it's up to him to break the silence.

"Are you going to meet your mother?"

"I don't think so", Emma says without a moment's contemplation and sets her mug down with a resonating clink.

"Because it took her so long to contact you?"

"She'd been searching for me all this time", Emma says slowly as if she still can't wrap her mind around that fact.

"What do you mean?"

"Her stepmother took me from her and by the time my mother recovered I was lost in the system", Emma says and Killian doesn't hesitate in taking her hand in his, prepared to deal with her rejection if it comes.

Emma squeezes his fingers and sighs as if the weight of the entire world is resting on her shoulders.

"She never gave up hope that she would find me."

"In a way, you're still her baby. Of course she couldn't stop searching for you", Killian tells her and Emma nods, but she still looks utterly miserable. "You really don't want to meet her?"

"I want it more than anything."

"But?" Killian prompts gently and Emma lifts her face in his direction, her chin trembling when she speaks.

"I didn't tell her I was blind", she says and collapses forward, her head nestling into the crook of his neck and her arm wrapping around his waist.

He feels a stab right through his heart because the two of them are more alike than he had ever imagined.

"She is going to be so disappointed."

"Love, no. She's going to be a little sad but you could never be a disappointment to your mother", Killian tells her softly and refrains from comparing their lies.

"I can't have her walk away too, Killian. I'm not strong enough to take it", she whispers and he wraps both arms around her and drags her on his lap.

"She won't leave, Emma, not after searching for you for so long."

"I thought the same about Neal, about the guy who said he loved me right before he wrapped us around a tree, but when I woke up in the hospital alone and afraid, waiting for him to come, he never did. He never even called or wrote a freaking letter, but the message was loud and clear."

Killian doesn't know what to say to that because he can't imagine abandoning Emma no matter the circumstances, so he just holds her, rubbing her back and telling her that she doesn't have to decide anything right now.

There's no doubt that the woman who had waited for twenty-eight years to see her daughter is going to be able to wait a while more.

* * *

**Review?**


	13. Tulipa

**I agree with all of you that Emma should forgive Killian, but it doesn't mean that the angst ends when she does. Thank you for reading, and I hope you enjoy!  
**

* * *

Emma opens her eyes and tries to figure out what awoke her, then remembers that Killian had slept on the couch and makes her way into the living room.

"Killian?" She whispers and taps the couch, but the blankets are empty and Killian's pillow is cold.

"I didn't leave", he says from behind her and Emma jumps a little, turning toward the kitchen doorway and pressing the pillow to her chest.

"What are you doing?" She asks timidly, feeling ridiculously shy because she's still wearing her pajamas and it's been forever since anybody had seen her without a bra.

"I'm making you breakfast", Killian says and walks back into the kitchen, leaving her to follow or go change while he finishes cooking.

Emma goes into the kitchen and sits at the table, smiling when Killian sets a cup of coffee in front of her a moment later.

"Thank you", she says and smiles up in his general direction, thinking how she would give almost everything to be able to see him cook.

It must be quite a sight.

"I hope you don't mind me snooping around your cupboards."

"As long as you put everything where it was, it's fine", Emma tells him and he clears his throat, fumbling for words because of course he didn't. "Relax, Killian. You'll just help me clean up later."

"You don't cook often, do you, lass?"

"Try almost never", she tells him and listens to the sound of something sizzling in a pan.

"Why not?"

Emma lifts her eyebrows and waits for him to come to the logical conclusion.

"Because you don't like doing the dishes?" Killian sounds amused and Emma frowns because he really doesn't get it.

"Killian, I'm blind."

"And I have just one hand. Your point?" He asks and Emma takes a sip of her coffee because she's not in the mood for this. "Swan?"

"It's not the same and you know it."

"Never said it was", he tells her softly and puts a plate in front of her.

"You're way too chipper so early in the morning. What time is it?" Emma asks as Killian slips a fork in her hand.

"Seven o'clock", he announces and hands her the bread before she can ask for it.

"Oh wow this is incredible", Emma says after tasting Killian's omelet and she can feel the warmth of his smile even in the dark.

"I borrowed the eggs from your neighbor, so try to be friendly next time you run into her on the stairs."

"How am I supposed to recognize her?" Emma asks, then feels bad for being so testy. "Sorry. I'm not a morning person."

"Are you going to call your mother?"

"I just told you that I'm not a morning person and you ask me that?!"

"Listen, love", Killian says and sits on the other chair, his hand resting on her forearm sending a shiver down her spine because he still smells like the ocean and she's still not wearing a bra. "Your mom won't care that you're blind."

"You can't know that."

"I might not, but you do", he tells her and Emma frowns, taking another bite of her omelet.

"What are you talking about?"

"I don't want to presume, but it seems like you've forgiven me for lying about my hand", he says and Emma narrows her eyes at him because between the news about her mother, telling Killian about Neal, and waking up to him making her breakfast, she had completely forgotten that she's supposed to be mad at him.

"I haven't forgiven you yet", she says and turns in her chair, her hand resting on his shoulder. "But I know what you're trying to say."

"Give your mum a chance, love", he says and Emma slides her hand down his left arm, feeling him go still and ignoring it because she needs to do this before they can move on.

"Maybe I will", she tells him and takes his fake hand in both of hers, then asks him what had happened to him.

"It's a long story", he whispers but doesn't attempt to pull away, and she counts that as a small victory.

"We have fifteen minutes", she tells him with a smile but all that answers her is dead silence. "I can't forgive you until you tell me."

"You don't know what you're asking", he says and brushes her hair behind her ear, his thumb smoothing over her cheek and tracing the line of her jaw.

"I do know, Killian. I told you about my car accident and it felt awful thinking about it, but today I'm glad I did", she tells him and slides her fingers into his hair, hoping that her touch will offer him enough comfort to delve into his memories.

"As you know, I was in a gang", Killian begins his tale and Emma nods, slipping her hand under the sleeve of his shirt and pressing her palm against the inside of his elbow because she wants him to feel her touch. "My brother tried to get me out so many times but I kept coming back, but that time he was adamant. He confronted the gang leader and punched him in the face, shouting at him for trying to ruin my life."

"That was incredibly brave."

"It was incredibly stupid", Killian says, his voice breaking, and Emma gets up from her seat and slides on his lap, both her arms wrapping around his neck.

"He was trying to help you."

"I guess he didn't know what else to do. The gang leader was angrier than I'd ever seen him before, and Liam had realized it, but it was too late", Killian says, his voice barely above a whisper, and Emma kisses his temple, bracing herself for whatever comes next.

She thinks she knows what he's going to tell her, but his burden is going to be easier to bear if he shares it with her so she doesn't stop him.

"He made Liam watch them cut off my hand, and then he made me watch them kill my brother", Killian tells her and hearing him say it in a broken voice makes it all a hundred times worse.

"I am so sorry, Killian", Emma whispers and smoothes her thumbs over Killian's cheeks, anticipating tears, but he doesn't shed a single one.

"He should've killed me too instead of dumping me in a ditch to bleed out", Killian says darkly and Emma knows exactly how that feels.

She had spent an hour stuck in a car in complete dark waiting for Neal to get help.

Help arrived, but he never did come back.

"What happened to the gang leader?"

"I testified against him and he got a life sentence, but I was forced to leave Liverpool and advised never to return", Killian says and rests his head on her shoulder, his arms a little too tight around her waist, but she doesn't tell him that.

"Who says you can't go home?" She asks him, rubbing his back and trying to take his pain and made it lessen like he did for her last night.

"Are you a Bon Jovi fan, lass?"

"I might be", she smiles at the teasing note in his voice and drops a kiss on his nose.

"You definitely are", he says and she's fairly certain that she can hear a smile in his voice.

"There's nothing wrong with Bon Jovi."

"Never said there was", he murmurs and cups her cheek in his hand, his lips a breath away from hers. "Am I forgiven now, love?"

"You are", Emma says and presses her lips against his, hoping that if she forgives him, her mother is going to forgive her too.

* * *

Killian walks toward his shop with Emma's small hand nestled in his, and he dreads the moment they reach their destination and she goes on to work because he has studiously avoided thinking about the day he had lost Liam and he doesn't know what will happen once he's alone with those thoughts again.

"Do you want me to stay?" Emma asks because he's still not letting go of her and she's going to be late to work if she doesn't leave now, so Killian makes a conscious effort to release her.

"I'm alright, lass", he lies and it's astounding how she can give him a disapproving look without being able to really look at him. "I will be alright."

"I'll stop by on my lunch hour", she promises and stands on tiptoes to give him a kiss, but he pulls her back by the hand when she tries to walk away.

"You don't have to do that."

"Didn't they tell you that you're not supposed to argue with a blind person?" Emma asks with a wry smile and he pokes her hip with his fake hand, wordlessly proving a point.

"Stay where you are for a second longer", he says and quickly unlocks the door of the shop, leans around them and grabs the first flower his fingers encounter. "Have a nice day, love."

"What is it? Doesn't smell like anything."

"It's a red tulip."

"Feels silky. Thank you", Emma says and gives him a peck on the cheek before finally walking away.

Killian goes into his shop only after she rounds the corner.

The morning drags by slowly and none of the bouquets he tries making amount to anything because his stump is throbbing and because he can't seem to stop thinking about Liam.

His brother would probably laugh if he could see Killian now, wrestling with flowers and ruining the blooms in his efforts to tie their stems together.

Killian wouldn't even mind it because it would mean that Liam was alive, that Killian still had a big brother.

"Bloody Hell", he says just as the door opens and he looks up to find Milah boldly entering his shop, her dark hair resting on one shoulder, her eyes looking clearer and brighter than he'd ever seen them before.

"Is that any way to greet the love of your life?" She asks and Killian is pretty sure that his jaw is going to hit the floor any second now.

He briefly wonders if this is a dream, but he dismisses that possibility because dreams that feature Milah are always nightmares, and this doesn't seem like one.

"Nice little shop you have", Milah says and Killian sleepwalks toward her, then stops abruptly because her being here can mean only one thing.

She's clean and she came back thinking that they can just pick up where they left off as if nothing had happened.

"You should really say something already."

"It's been seven years", Killian says hollowly, flashing back to the worst days of his life and remembering how high she'd been the last time he'd seen her.

"Yes, Killian, I know", she tells him softly and slides her finger over the petals of a white rose. "You're not easy to find."

"Why are you here?"

"As I recall, you gave me an ultimatum. Stop doing drugs and we can be together", she tells him as if he could ever forget that.

"I gave you that ultimatum and you laughed before leaving my hospital room", he says and takes a step back when she tries to come closer.

"You expected me to make a decision right that second", she says and Killian looks at her steadily because he's slowly realizing that he doesn't feel anything at all for her.

Not anymore.

"I did, and you made the wrong one", Killian says and goes back to his workbench, turning his back on her and hoping against hope that she's just going to go away.

Today has been the first day when he'd gotten what he really wanted when Emma had forgiven him and gave him a second chance, so he guesses this is just a way for the universe to stay balanced.

"But I'm here now", she tells him, her heels beating a loud staccato against the hardwood floor. "I came back for you."

"I'm sorry", he says and turns around to face her, but crosses his arms in front of his chest because the last thing he needs is her getting the wrong idea.

Emma is his future, and Milah is nothing but an unwelcome ghost from his past.

It's almost poetic that she would turn up today of all days.

"Try and tell me you don't love me anymore, because I won't believe you."

"You were my first love, Milah-", Killian starts to say but gets interrupted when he notices Emma standing in the doorway, her eyes wide, her gaze focused somewhere behind him.

"I called mom and we're having lunch, and I wanted you to come along, but I can tell that you're busy, so…", Emma says quickly, words tumbling over one another while Milah looks between them with a stunned expression that Killian doesn't have time for right now.

"Swan, wait", he exclaims and makes his way to the door but Emma is already walking away while Milah stays in his shop and gives him a stubborn look, making it clear that she doesn't intend to leave peacefully so that he can lock up.

"Bloody Hell", Killian says with feeling and returns inside, barely restraining himself from kicking the first bowl of flowers he comes across.

* * *

**Review?**


	14. Camellia

**Thank you for reading, and without further ado, here's the new chapter!**

* * *

Emma sleepwalks to Granny's and trips over some unidentified object left on the floor as soon as she comes in, only just managing to catch herself before kissing the floor.

"Put that bag somewhere else!" Granny barks at the offender and wraps her arm around Emma's shoulders, leading her to an empty booth in the corner. "Are you alright, darling? You look awfully pale."

"Yeah, I'm fine", Emma reassures her even though her stomach is in knots and her heart is hammering in her chest; she had expected Killian to come with her when she met her mother, and now it appears that somebody from his past has found him, somebody called Milah who was his first love, and undoubtedly the reason for the heart tattoo he has on his hand.

"You're having the special?"

"Somebody is going to join me", Emma tells Granny and shrugs out of her coat, hoping that her mother won't have trouble recognizing her; they talked an hour ago and Emma described her shirt and herself as best as she could, admitting to her blindness, but if Mary Margaret Nolan was taken aback by that fact she had managed to hide it well.

Emma's watch says that it's five minutes past noon and she fidgets in her seat, drumming her fingers on the table and trying not to think what she would do if Neal abruptly came back into her life.

She's pretty sure she would send him packing, but it doesn't mean that it's what Killian will do with his ex.

"Emma", a soft, melodic voice says and Emma jumps a little, then stands up and offers her hand for a handshake, hoping that her fingers don't shake as much as she thinks they must be. "Oh Emma it is really you."

Emma's offered hand gets ignored and two slender, gentle arms envelop her in a warm hug, the scent of violets surrounding her as she briefly freezes, then makes herself relax into the hug.

"I have been searching for so long", Mary Margaret says and keeps holding on, her hand cradling the back on Emma's head as if she's still a child, the amount of love that Emma feels pouring into her heart slightly overwhelming, but not unpleasant. "Let me look at you."

Emma pulls away, her mother's palms cupping her cheeks, her own hands hanging limply at her sides.

"You have my chin", Mary Margaret says, her laugh ringing around the diner and undoubtedly attracting curious looks, but Emma couldn't care less. "And eyes too."

"What about my hair?" Emma hears herself ask, remembering all those instances in school when she was supposed to draw her parents and kept making them both blonde.

"That you get from your father", Mary Margaret says and pulls her back in for another hug, only letting go of her when Granny clears her throat behind them.

"We should order", Emma says and they settle in the booth facing each other, an awkward silence settling over them as soon as Granny leaves; Mary Margaret had ordered vegetable soup and Emma followed suit, regretting her decision a second later because she's going to have to be extra careful not to drip the soup on her shirt and lap.

"You probably have a lot of questions", Mary Margaret finally breaks the silence and Emma can't think of a single thing to ask her beyond the obvious.

"Where's my father?"

"He's travelling for work, but he knows that I found you and he's as excited to meet you as I was", Emma's mother says and briefly covers Emma's hand with hers as if she can't resist the urge to touch her. "If you want, we can take a picture later and I'll send it to him."

"Okay", Emma agrees even though she hates taking pictures, afraid that she's going to blink at the wrong time, look in the wrong direction or generally look obviously blind.

"Tell me about yourself", Mary Margaret says when their soup arrives and Emma realizes that she doesn't want to share anything bad that has happened in her childhood because she doesn't want to unnecessary hurt her mother.

And so, when she tells her story she focuses on funny anecdotes and glosses over the countless group homes and foster families, days she hadn't eaten and times she was beaten, only hesitating when she reaches the night of her accident.

She doesn't want to tell her mother that she had gone into the car of her drunk boyfriend and ended up blind as a result.

"What does my father do for a living?" Emma changes the subject abruptly, and Mary Margaret goes with it, telling her that David works for a computer company and often travels overseas, to both Japan and Europe.

"He's going to cut his trip short, but there's still some meetings he can't miss", Mary Margaret says and Emma nods, briefly touching her watch to make sure she's still got time until the end of her break.

"How did you find me?" She asks the most important question last, needing to hear the full explanation.

"My stepmother refused to tell me where she left you and I have spent all this time systematically going through orphanages and missions, but I never had any luck."

"But?"

"But she called me last week to tell me because she felt that the end was close. She died two days ago", Mary Margaret tells her and she sounds almost sorry.

"You don't hate her for what she did?"

"When I was little, I told a secret that ruined her life. This was her way of getting back at me."

"You think you had it coming?!" Emma asks her incredulously and wonders what did she ever do to deserve the life she got.

"Even if I had, you were the one who suffered for it, so yes, Emma, I hate my stepmother but I can't help feeling grateful that she came around in the end", Mary Margaret says and Emma realizes that so far, they don't have much in common beyond their love for vegetable soup.

"My lunch break is almost over", Emma announces and stands, suffering through a brief photo session before she can escape the diner, agreeing to see her mother again in a few days.

There are three voice mails and five texts from Killian waiting when Emma checks her phone, but she puts it back in her pocket without listening to any and returns to work feeling oddly at peace with herself now that she knows she wasn't unwanted.

She was always so very, very loved.

* * *

Killian manages to get rid of Milah fairly quickly but the customers keep swamping him and calling to order bouquets for tomorrow so he doesn't get a chance to join Emma and her mother at Granny's, his apologies going to her voice mail and his texts remaining unopened.

It's not surprising that Emma is reacting the way she is, and Killian wants to clear up things as soon as possible, which sadly means waiting until he can close his shop because he doubts Emma is going to stop by on the way home from work.

When the door opens ten minutes past 4 p.m. Killian abandons the arrangement he'd been painstakingly working on for the past twenty minutes and walks into the main part of the store, hoping against hope that he's going to see Emma walking in.

And he does.

"Swan", he murmurs and only then allows himself to feel all the dread he'd been fighting against since Emma had come and gone so abruptly.

"I came to see if you would like to explain about the woman who was here earlier, claiming that you must love her", Emma says calmly but he knows her well enough by now to notice the little signs that give her nervousness away; she shifts from foot to foot, turns her cane in her hand or plays with its strap, and she's doing all three at the moment.

"Do you want to sit-"

"No, thank you. Just tell me."

"As you've probably heard, Milah was my first love. She was a little older and I fell for her head over heels; her brother was a part of the gang I later belonged to myself", Killian says and runs his fingers through his hair, truly wishing that this day could be over already. "After my brother was killed and I lost my hand, Milah expected that I would just go back to the life I used to lead as soon as I was out of the hospital… She told me I was a real gangster now, and that I should get a hook in the place of my lost hand."

"Jesus", Emma says emphatically and her fingers twitch as if she wants to reach for him, but she keeps them at her side and Killian continues his story.

"She was high most of the time back then, and I was done with all that. I had learned my lesson, and I told her I was leaving, and that she can come with me if she cleans up her act", Killian says and balls his hand into a fist to stop it from shaking.

"And then she left and you didn't see her again until today?" Emma asks and Killian starts to nod before he catches himself and verbalizes his answer.

"Precisely."

"She wants you back", Emma says, and it's said with such defeated finality that Killian can't help himself, his hand reaching for hers, his fingers stopping her tremors and infusing them both with strength.

"I do not care what she wants. It's been seven years and we're both different people than we were before", Killian says and Emma still looks worried, her lips pressed into a thin, pensive line. "I promise you, love; you don't have to worry about Milah… all she ever did was bring me down, and I would much rather be with somebody who builds me up."

For a long time Emma is silent, contemplating his words, and when she finally speaks her voice is soft and hesitant, her gaze fixed on the floor.

"I know you're telling the truth, but…", she trails off and bites her lip, her thumb rubbing against the tattoo on the back of his hand as if she's trying to wipe it away. "Do you have her name tattooed somewhere?"

The question throws him for a loop, and even though he's not sure why it's important, he still answers it with complete honesty.

"I do not."

"You could be lying and I wouldn't be able to tell", she almost whispers and he's at a loss for a moment, overwhelmed with the sudden urge to kiss her and tell her that he only wants to be with her, that she's the one he thinks about the second he opens his eyes.

He knows it's too soon for such a declaration even if it's how he feels, so Killian tries a different approach, attempting to lighten up the mood.

"You would know if I was lying, Swan. Your super-power would tell you", he says and she looks stunned that he remembered, and even more so, that he believes in it.

"Any other names on your body I should be worried about?" She asks with a playful gleam in her eyes and unconsciously shifts closer to him, the pleasant smell of her hair filling his nose and making it a little difficult to concentrate.

"So far, there isn't", he tells her and the corner of her mouth twitches upward before her entire face blossoms into a smile.

"Show me another tattoo?" She asks, her thumb pressing against the one on his hand and Killian finds himself at a loss because all his tattoos are either on his chest, back, or upper arms, which means he has to take off his shirt to show her, except…

"I have one that we might be able to reach without me having to strip in public", he says and Emma looks curious and eager, so he leads her hand underneath the hem of his shirt and presses her cold fingers against his ribs.

"It's some kind of a shield?" Emma asks after a few moments of exploration that makes Killian curse himself for not counting on the effect her touch will have on him, but she looks so pleased with herself that he somehow reigns in his libido and tells her it's the Jones family crest.

"You have a crest?"

"One of my ancestors was actually a Duke", Killian says and Emma presses her palm against his skin, her eyes sparkling with mischief.

"Liar, liar, pants on fire", she whispers, then stands on tiptoes and sweetly kisses his cheek.

"Would you like to stay and tell me how lunch with your mother went?"

"It depends."

"On what?"

"Do I get a bouquet of flowers for my efforts?"

"You get this lovely white camellia", Killian says and slides the flower against her jaw, smiling when she giggles and pulls away even though he already misses the touch of her fingers on his skin.

"I think it will do", Emma snatches the flower from his hand and rests her cheek against the blossom, making Killian realize that he had changed his mind.

He does not wish this day to end.

* * *

**Review?**


	15. Eustoma

**Thank you so much for all your wonderful reviews; you really make me feel amazing about this story and my writing in general! There's no angst in this chapter, just fluffy fluff, and I hope you enjoy!  
**

* * *

Emma is having coffee with Mary Margaret on Saturday morning in her apartment and waiting for the moment she can leave without being rude because she had promised to help Killian with a fragrant bouquet he's putting together but she doesn't want to tell her mother where she's going.

For the first time in her life she knows what sneaking with a boyfriend means, because for the first time she's got somebody who cares about her whereabouts.

When Mary Margaret's phone rings and she announces that it's David, Emma's heart skips a beat because they've been playing a game of phone tag for over a week and it seems that they are finally going to catch each other.

"Yes, she's here. Emma, would you like to talk to David?"

"Okay", Emma says and holds out her hand for the phone, squeezing it tightly before pressing it to her ear. "Hello."

"Hello, Emma", David says and it's astounding how such a simple thing like her father's voice can make her feel as if she's really wrapped in his arms.

"No meetings today?" She asks him and hears Mary Margaret take the cups into the kitchen, giving Emma some privacy with her father.

"I have one after lunch", David says and Emma presses her phone more snugly against her ear, catching herself trying to picture her father and realizing that she's really looking forward to meeting him. "I'll be glad when it's all over."

"You don't like Europe?" Emma asks and settles more comfortably against the pillows, her head cocked to the side and the sound of Mary Margaret splashing in the sink providing a pleasant background noise.

"I have nothing against Europe, but they are having the coldest winter in the last fifty years in Stockholm and there's three feet of snow", David tells her, his voice rumbling with amusement when he tells her that he needs a snowplower to get to all his meetings on time.

A snowplower he doesn't have.

Emma laughs and suggests that he should come here before snow covers everything, then bites her lip because she didn't mean to sound so eager.

"I definitely intend to do that", David says and the longing in his voice shouldn't come as such a surprise, but it does.

After a lifetime during which nobody at all worried about her, she now has four people who do, and the funny thing is that it didn't take a lot of getting used to.

"Mary Margaret is going to be happy to see you", Emma tells him, tracing the flowery pattern on her couch with her index finger.

"And you?"

"Me too", Emma says softly, as if giving out a secret, wondering why is it so much easier talking to her father than her mother.

They chat for a few minutes more about the weather and how much David misses Mary Margaret's cooking, which Emma still hadn't had a chance to experience because her mother is currently living in a hotel downtown; it's the first time she wonders just how well her father's job pays and quickly decides she doesn't really care.

By the time Emma enters Killian's shop it's already past eleven and she gets pressed against the door, Killian's fingers sliding into her hair, his warm mouth covering hers.

"Sorry I'm late."

"It's quite alright", he says and gives her another quick kiss before taking her hand and walking toward the back of the store with her in tow; his small shop has become as familiar to her as her office and apartment, and she folds her cane in her pocket and hangs her coat next to Killian's. "I know your mother would be reluctant to leave."

"She's holding back. I think she's afraid of overwhelming me with all the pent up mothering she never got to do", Emma says and walks into Killian's embrace, nuzzling her nose against his shoulder, enjoying the pleasant tickle of his warm sweater and the way his hand settles against the base of her spine like it was made to fit there. "I finally got to talk to David."

"Is he a cool dad?"

"He's trying to be", Emma says and stands on her tiptoes to give Killian another kiss before they get to work. "Who's the bouquet for?"

"It's a secret", Killian tells her and Emma narrows her eyes at him, refusing to unwrap her arms around his waist until her tells her. "Will made me promise to specifically not tell you."

"So Will is sending somebody a bouquet?"

"I didn't say it."

"Why does he need you to make a bouquet? He's a florist too."

"Let it go, Swan", Killian says even though it sounds like he doesn't hold much hope that she will.

"A special fragrant bouquet", Emma muses and five second's later she's got it. "It's for somebody blind!"

"You would make a great detective", Killian says and her heart turns over in her chest when she lifts her hand and traces the outline of his smiling mouth because he never sees the things she cannot do, focusing only on the things she can.

She often wishes she could do the same.

"Except the part where you need eyes to look for things", she mutters and abruptly realizes that he's trying to distract her from figuring out who the flowers are for.

"You have eyes, love, and they are breathtakingly beautiful", Killian says, the timbre of his voice sending a shiver down her spine and a heavy weight pressing on her chest because she's suddenly overwhelmed with the need to see him.

Just once.

Just for a little while.

As if sensing the shift in her mood, Killian embraces her tighter, and she finds a shelter in his arms, her head resting against his shoulder and her hand pressing against his heart, the steady beat soothing her and helping her get away from the dark hole she'd almost fallen into.

It scares her that Killian has such an effect on her, that he makes her feel such intense emotions that she'd thought herself immune of.

"The bouquet is for Elsa but you can't breathe a word of it to her", Killian says and Emma bites her lip because her friend is going to be quite a challenge for Will.

"Is he aware of the fact that Elsa thinks he's a clown?"

Emma and Elsa were having lunch at Granny's during their break last week and Will had tagged along with Killian, but he ended up saying all the wrong things at the wrong time and Elsa was not impressed with him at all.

"I think he really liked her; he's not usually like that."

"I'm not sure that the flowers are going to work, but no harm trying", Emma concludes and gently pushes Killian toward the row of flowers. "Bring me your finest specimens."

"As you wish", Killian says and Emma turns away, smiling to herself and wondering if he'd ever seen "The Princess Bride" or if it's just a coincidence that he used that particular line.

She gets the feeling that he knows exactly what it means.

"But first, let me do this", he tells her and puts a flower behind her ear, the cold petals resting against her cheek.

"Make and model?" She asks and he laughs, telling her that she's got a purple bluebell in her hair. "How do I look?"

"Prettier than the bluebell", Killian says and then goes to bring her some beautiful, fragrant flowers.

* * *

Killian is sitting on the couch in his living room with his bad arm around Emma and her head resting on his shoulder, her fingers tracing idle, random patterns on the back of his hand.

"The Princess Bride" is playing on TV and Emma recites all of Buttercup's lines, running a constant commentary to the movie and laughing in all the right places even when nothing is being said.

"How many times have you seen this?" He asks her and she tilts her head back and grins at him, her entire face lit up with her smile.

"I think fifty times wouldn't be an exaggeration. And I've listened to it about a fifty times more", she tells him and sighs contentedly, and Killian thinks how he would gladly watch it a hundred times more if it would put such a smile on Emma's face. "My mom loves it too. She brought it up first, so it can't be that she's lying for the sake of us having common interests."

"You were worried she would do that?"

"No. Yes. Maybe a little in the beginning", Emma tells him and wraps her fingers around his wrist as if measuring the size of it, her thumb and index finger never touching. "Killian?"

"Hmm?" Killian asks and brushes a kiss against Emma's temple, tilting his head so that he can see her face.

"Do you think we can try driving again?" Emma asks, her grip on his hand tightening a little in apprehension.

"Of course, love", he tells her and realizes that he's going to have to give her a gentle nudge because while she wants to get over her fear, she still needs encouragement. "I was thinking about it, actually. There's one thing I would like us to try."

"What thing?"

"I think you should drive."

"What?!" Emma exclaims and tilts her head up, her face clearly telling him that she thinks he'd gone insane.

"I sit in the driver's seat and you sit on my lap and hold the wheel", Killian tells her and takes her hand in his when she looks like she's considering running away.

"You're crazy."

"We take the road that goes past the field. There won't be anybody on it, and even if there is, I'll just take over."

"Forget about other cars; what if I run us off the road?"

"We'll go slow, and I'll be your eyes", Killian tells her and it's clear that she's tempted no matter how outrageous his plan sounds.

"You want a girl who got blinded in a car accident to drive your truck?" She asks as if to clarify that she'd heard him right but Killian knows that she's going to decide what to do depending on what he says next.

"You aren't really scared of the truck, lass. You're scared of driving in it, and you're never going to get over your fear until you realize that you can trust not only me, but yourself."

Emma chews on her bottom lip for a moment, then nods and waits for him to lead her out of the house and to his truck.

Killian gets in the driver's seat and pushes it back a little to give them more room, helping her in and groaning when she elbows him in the ribs.

"Sorry."

"All's forgiven", he tells her and drops a kiss in her hair, then tells her to close the door because he can't reach around her.

Emma hesitates a moment, then resolutely slams the door and nestles about on his lap until she finds a more comfortable position.

Killian is questioning his sanity because he should've known he would have trouble concentrating while having Emma on his lap.

"Can I start the car?"

"I don't see why not", Killian says, surprised that Emma had taken to his idea so well, and jams the key into the ignition, her fingers sliding down his arm until she reaches his hand. "Turn it."

The car comes to life and Emma puts both her hands on the wheel while Killian eases on the clutch and presses the gas, the truck slowly moving forward.

Emma's knuckles are while but there's a look of grim determination on her face and she holds the wheel surprisingly steady.

"A little to the left", Killian tells her and they move further and further away from the house, Killian's left arm wrapping around her waist and his hand resting on top of hers when it's clear that they've got this.

"I'm driving."

"You are", he says and keeps his eyes on the road ahead even though he wishes he could see Emma's face.

"It's not so scary", she tells him and it's amazing how happy that simple statement is making him feel.

"Do you want to try sitting in the passenger seat?"

"In a little bit", Emma says, and Killian lets her hold the wheel until the end of the road, then performs a three point turn and drives them back to the house with Emma riding shotgun next to him, their joined hands resting on the gear shift.

* * *

**Review?**


	16. Rosa

**Thank you so much for reading, and here's some more fluffy feels and a tiny bit of angst to make up for the lack of CS in the last night's episode. Without furter ado, enjoy!  
**

* * *

Emma and Killian fall into a pattern; she drops by his shop every morning on the way to work to tell him good morning and get a kiss and a flower, and depending on the amount of orders they either have lunch together or Killian comes over after he closes the shop for the day.

Now that Emma is slightly less afraid of driving, Killian takes her home with him on Saturdays and they spend the day among the flowers or curled in front of the fire, talking and kissing until they are both breathless and Emma announces that it's time for her to go home.

Killian is infinitely patient with her but sometimes Emma wonders if it would be better if he wasn't, if he tried pushing her at least a little, but she suspects that he's not ready for any greater intimacy either; his fake hand stays firmly attached at all times, but no matter how well he tries to hide his discomfort, Emma always knows when he's in pain.

Today he's lying with his head on her lap, her arm resting across his chest, the pendants of his necklace cradled in her hand; it's snowing outside and Emma smiles to herself because her father is going to be so exasperated once he finally arrives, escaping the snowy Stockholm for more of the same.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Killian asks and slides his fingers gently over her forearm, lifting her hand to his lips and kissing the tattoo on her wrist before pressing her palm against his heart.

"I'm happy", she tells him and ducks her head, her fingertips exploring the now-familiar lines of Killian's face; she feels the upward tilt of his mouth and wonders how did she ever get to be this lucky.

"Because of the snow or because of me?" Killian asks and she can tell that he's wiggling his eyebrows, his brow lifting under the heel of her palm.

"Because of both", she tells him truthfully and leans down to give him a sideways kiss.

Killian smiles against her lips and Emma realizes that it's getting harder and harder telling him goodnight, her visits becoming longer with every passing day.

Elsa keeps saying that she's going to be her maid of honor and although Emma laughs it off, she keeps getting this weird feeling that Killian is the one.

When he pulls away abruptly and sits up, his back to her and her hand settling on his shoulder, she can tell that his arm is bothering him even though he assures her that everything is alright.

"Killian, come on. I might be blind, but I'm not stupid."

"I don't think you're stupid", he says softly and she feels his muscles bunch briefly underneath her fingers before he relaxes again.

"Then don't try telling me that you're okay."

"I'm sorry", Killian says and shifts back around, then leans against the back of the couch and sighs, his hand caressing Emma's knee almost absentmindedly.

"You don't have to pretend with me", she tells him softly, wishing he wouldn't always sit her on his right and keep her far from his injury.

There's no time like the present to dissuade him from doing that, so Emma stands up and carefully edges all around the couch before she sits on Killian's bad side.

"What are you doing?" Killian asks when she slides her hand down his arm, her fingers settling in the crook of his elbow.

"I want to help you", Emma says and waits patiently for him to get used to the idea, wishing she could find the words to tell him that she doesn't mind his missing hand without sounding like she's minimizing his pain.

"It'll pass, love", he says softly and brushes her hair behind her shoulders, then cups the back of her head in his hand and pulls her in for a kiss.

"You always do this", she pouts, their faces lingering close, her hand shifting lower until he captures it with his and entwines their fingers.

"Do what?"

"Try to distract me", she says and he kisses her again before he tells her that he's trying to distract himself too.

"It helps me when I have something else to focus on."

"Am I a good distraction, then?" Emma asks and presses a line of kisses against the fine line of his jaw before nibbling gently on his earlobe.

"Sometimes even too good", he gasps and she grins, enjoying the effect she's got on him a little too much considering the fact that she doesn't have any intention on sleeping over.

At least not yet, because the very idea of waking up in a strange bed makes her a little bit panicky.

"I should get going", she says and Killian groans, but pulls away and goes to get her coat, then holds it out for her as she puts her arms into the sleeves in a well-practiced move that neither of them has to think about.

The ride home is quiet but Emma's hand is in Killian's and her heart hardly even races anymore, although she doubts she's ever going to enjoy the feeling of hurtling through a dark tunnel she gets every time they take a ride.

Killian pulls into the parking lot and turns off the engine, but he doesn't make a move to leave the car and open Emma's door like he does every time he drives her home, so she waits patiently, her thumb tracing his tattoo in an attempt to soothe him and help him open up to her.

"Would you like to go to the opera with me next Tuesday?" He asks and Emma frowns, completely thrown for a loop.

"Why?"

"I thought maybe you were tired of us always being at my shop or my house", Killian says and he sounds so earnest that she doesn't have the heart to tell him no, even though she had always thought that people who went to the opera were incredibly snobby.

"I would love to go to the opera with you, but I don't mind staying home", Emma tells him and leans over the gear shift to give him a kiss.

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"I know you're not too thrilled about new places", Killian says and Emma smiles to herself because she had thought she was hiding it well.

"That transparent?"

"You're quite an open book to me, love", Killian says and kisses her forehead, then escorts her up to her apartment where they take another twenty minutes to say goodnight.

* * *

Killian feels like a cross between a waiter and a penguin but he tells himself that Emma is going to appreciate that he went all out even if she won't be able to see it; her hands will tell her that he's wearing a proper tuxedo complete with a bow-tie, a starched shirt and a wool coat currently thrown over his arm.

Not to mention his better prosthetic, the one that chafes as all Hell but looks and feels almost like a real hand.

The door of Emma's apartment opens and reveals a pretty dark-haired woman with a pixie haircut and bright eyes that look so much like Emma's that it's impossible for her to be anybody but her mother.

"You must be Killian", she says and offers her hand to shake, but he's holding Emma's flower and he doesn't want to crush it by holding it in the crook of his arm so he holds the stem between his teeth and takes Mary Margaret's hand.

Emma's mother gives him a kind smile and precedes him into the living room, announcing his presence to her daughter.

"You're just in time", Emma says and Killian gapes a little, staring at the vision in front of him and momentarily forgetting everything including his name.

The dress Emma is wearing is red and knee-length, flaring a little at the end and revealing just enough cleavage to make Killian's mouth go dry; there are gentle curls framing her face and for the first time since he'd met her, Emma is wearing heels, making her almost as tall as he is.

"Killian?" She asks uncertainly and it's only then that he finds his voice, discarding his coat on the arm of the sofa on his way to her before he slips the red rose in her hand.

"You look stunning, love", he tells her and rearranges her curls on her shoulder, her smile warming up his heart and her kiss coloring his cheeks because her mother is standing two feet away watching them.

"Turn here; I'm taking a picture for dad", she says and Emma laughs, telling her that it's not her prom night. "Please?"

"Alright with you?" Emma asks Killian and he turns her toward Mary Margaret's phone, his arm around her waist and his lips against her ear when he tells her it is.

They manage to escape the apartment ten minutes later, Emma's hand on Killian's arm because she had decided to leave her cane at home; he's well aware how much faith she's putting in him and he intends to do everything in his power not to make her regret it.

"What are you wearing?" Emma asks him in the car and he would really like to let her feel for herself but the very thought of her hand exploring his body makes him feel too hot and he really doesn't want to crash his truck with Emma in it.

"A tux."

"No wonder mom said you look like James Bond", Emma says and Killian snorts because he absolutely doesn't look anything like Agent 007.

"She's just being nice to me."

"I don't think so", Emma says and he wonders when did the two of them manage to discuss him without being overheard.

"I feel like a penguin", he tells her because he wants to hear her laugh; it has quickly become his favorite sound in the world.

"My mom is pretty trustworthy, so I'm sure you look good", Emma says and he slants a look her way, her head turning toward him as if she senses it. "I don't call her that to her face."

"It wouldn't be a bad thing if you did", he tells her softly and she nods to herself, but they don't discuss it further because they've reached the Opera House and he's too busy getting Emma safely across the little square and up the stairs.

"I knew there was a reason I didn't wear heels", she says when they finally enter the building and Killian wishes he had insisted she take the cane, but he understands why she didn't; for one night she wanted to be just like everybody else.

His better prosthetic is proof that he wanted the same even at the cost of suffering quite a lot of pain, but he's starting to realize that they should both just accept that they aren't like everybody else, and that it's okay.

"Just hold onto me, love. I won't let you trip", he tells her and Emma lets him guide her first to the coat check and then to their seats on the balcony, her hand searching for his as soon as they are settled.

"You have to tell me everything that happens", Emma says and he assures her that he won't leave out one detail, and when the lights dim and the music starts, he keeps true to his word, whispering against her ear and describing what action there is even though his eyes keep straying to her face.

She's so completely focused on the opera, her head canted to the side and her eyes closed, a tiny frown creasing her forehead when she realizes why he had chosen this particular one.

Iolanta is blind but she does not know it until she meets Vaudémont and he explains lights and colors to her.

"This thing better not have a tragic ending", Emma whispers and squeezes Killian's hand tighter, sitting on the edge of her seat until the end, tears rolling down her cheeks when Killian tells her that Ioanta was cured and that she's finally free to marry Vaudémont.

"I am sorry, Swan. I didn't want it to make you cry", Killian says but Emma shakes her head and smiles, embracing him tightly and telling him that it was beautiful.

"He loved her and wanted to marry her even when she will still blind."

"I know", he says because he really does, because he loves Emma so much he can't imagine ever loving anybody else.

Killian and Emma sit on the balcony holding hands until most of the people clear out, his eyes riveted on her face because her tears have been replaced with a smile and it seems that he did good tonight.

"Thank you for tonight, Killian", Emma tells him half an hour later when he walks her to her door, her fingers holding onto the edges of his bow-tie as he kisses her in response. "I have to tell you one thing, though."

"You can tell me anything."

"I won't get better. My vision isn't going to return", she says, and his stomach drops because he never wanted her to think he was hoping for that; the thought hadn't even crossed his mind.

"I won't grow a hand either", he tells her, thumbing at the dent on her chin and looking right at her eyes even though she can't look back at him and never will.

"Your hand jokes are ridiculous", she says with a chuckle and he smiles because her eyes are sparkling and she doesn't look wistful anymore.

"We both know you love them anyway."

"Yes, I do", Emma says and Killian closes his eyes, losing himself in her kiss.

Sometimes, you don't need eyes to see, and you especially don't need them to feel.

* * *

**Review?**


	17. Viola

**Thank you for reading and for all your words of encouragement, and I hope you enjoy this chapter too.  
**

* * *

"And then he asked if I wanted to go take a ride on the Ferris wheel", Elsa says and she sounds so bewildered that Emma can't help but laugh.

"And you told him no?"

"I wanted to say no, but that man must've put some kind of a whammy on me because fifteen minutes later I was sitting on a tiny seat next to him and the wind was blowing through my hair while he described the sights for me", Elsa says and Emma can clearly hear the smile in her voice.

"So the date went well?"

"Extremely well. If you told me a week ago that I would be kissing Will Scarlet on top of the Ferris Wheel I'd have called you crazy."

"I'm glad you gave him another chance", Emma says and sends Killian a text to let him know that the date went well.

"That bouquet was truly amazing", Elsa murmurs, her voice dreamier than Emma had ever heard it before.

"Will really likes you", Emma tells her and bites her lip because she had promised Killian she wouldn't tell Elsa that Will can't shut up about her.

"Don't tell anybody, but I really like him too", Elsa says, then pauses for a moment before adding: "you're going to tell Killian, aren't you?"

"Sorry. But I'll make him promise not to say anything to Will."

"You guys have it so bad for each other", Elsa says and Emma can't argue with that.

David calls around three and tells Emma that he's already at the airport, asking if he can come meet her first, before going to see Mary Margaret.

Emma is both excited and apprehensive, but they've been talking on the phone every other night and there won't be much difference if they meet because her father is still going to be just a voice in the darkness.

"You can come meet me in front of the City Hall, if you want", she says and he assures her that he's going to wait for her there, and it's impossible to miss the excitement in his voice.

Emma leaves work at precisely 4 p.m. and descends the stairs to the sidewalk, pausing uncertainly because now it's up to her father to come up to her since he knows what she looks like from all the pictures Mary Margaret has been sending him.

"Hello, princess", David says and Emma turns around, a smile pulling at her lips because he is so cheesy and yet she can't help but love that about him.

"Hello", she tells him and shifts her cane into her left hand, offering her right for a handshake, but just like her mother, David pulls her into a bear hug and doesn't let go of her for a full minute.

"I am so glad we're finally meeting", he says and he sounds like he might cry so Emma squeezes him tighter, feeling like something is finally sliding into place inside her heart.

It is safe and warm in her father's arms, and it is only now that she's experiencing an embrace like this that Emma realizes how much she had missed growing up.

"Would you like to go have coffee with your old dad?" David asks and Emma hesitates because she had forgotten to text Killian, as busy as she'd been obsessing over finally meeting David in person, and he's expecting her to come help him with a few bouquets.

"My boyfriend is expecting me, but you can come with if you want", Emma says, blushing to the roots of her hair because she had never before called Killian her boyfriend.

She had never called anybody her boyfriend.

"I promise I'll behave", David says and falls into step next to her, and she realizes that Killian might not be ready to meet her father because her mother seems to scare him as it is.

"He'll probably make you tea and call you sir", Emma chuckles to hide her uncertainty and curses herself for not thinking this through earlier.

"Back room, love", Killian calls through the shop as soon as Emma opens the door and she smiles to herself because somehow he always knows when it's her, then wonders if he occasionally calls his customers love by mistake.

"I have David with me", she calls back and there's a sound of something falling on the floor before Killian emerges into the main part of the shop smelling like orchids and probably looking incredibly cute.

"Pleasure to meet you, sir."

"Told you", Emma whispers to her father and he chuckles, then moves forward, probably to shake Killian's hand.

"David Nolan."

"Killian Jones, sir."

"Relax", David says and Emma makes her way to Killian's side, slipping her arm around his waist and leaning into him slightly, wishing she had at least warned him before she brought her father with her.

"Emma talks about you quite a lot", Killian says and Emma presses her face against his chest because her father didn't have to know that.

"All good things, I hope", David says and Emma can imagine him studying her face, trying to see how much of himself there is in her.

"Absolutely."

As Emma had anticipated, Killian makes tea and they sit around the worktable chatting, David and Killian quickly taking a liking to each other, and Emma marvels at the fact that two men from different sides of the world working entirely different jobs can be so alike.

"I should go see your mom, finally convince her to marry me, now that we've found you", David says a while later and stands, pressing a kiss to Emma's temple as he tells her that he'll call her tonight with hopefully happy news.

"You never said that your parents aren't married", Killian murmurs as he leads Emma to stand between his legs, his arms wrapping around her waist while she rests her hands on his shoulders.

"Mary Margaret never said anything, so I just assumed they were", Emma tells him and leans in until her lips encounter his cheek, then peppers kisses to his mouth.

"You don't seem upset", Killian says gently and Emma lifts her eyebrows in question.

"Why would that upset me?"

"You used to believe your parents were a king and a queen of a faraway country."

"I was ten!" Emma admonishes and pulls away, busying herself with picking the flowers for the bouquet.

She's pretty sure that her parents remained unmarried because they wanted to find her first, and it's something she'd rather not think about it.

Killian kisses the back of her neck and then tickles her nose with a violet before he puts it into the button hole of her cardigan, distracting her from dark thoughts before they fall into the now-familiar task of making something both fragrant and beautiful.

* * *

"I can't believe you don't have a dishwasher", Killian tells Emma as he splashes in the sink, washing the dishes from the dinner he'd cooked her.

He thinks that it's slightly unfair she's making him do that when he cooked too, but Emma is too cute to resist, and besides, she took up wiping the dishes so he doesn't complain.

"I usually don't have so many dishes", she tells him and Killian chuckles, then nudges another plate into her hand, watching her carefully dry it.

"And you do have more hands than me", he tells her and ducks when she attempts to slap the dishrag against his shoulder.

"Calm down with the hand jokes before I make you do my laundry too", Emma tells him and squeals when he wraps his arms around her waist and picks her up, depositing her on the counter and kissing her until she's breathless.

"I would do your laundry if you wanted me to", Killian says and Emma pulls him closer, nuzzling his neck and pressing kisses along his jaw.

"Is that an euphemism for sex?" She asks and he scoots her forward, nudging open her knees so that he's standing between her legs, pressing against her and watching her face, trying to gauge her reaction.

"It could be", he says softly and gives her another kiss, smiling when her legs wrap around his waist eagerly; she wants him as badly as he wants her, and it's just their past that's holding them back.

"Soon", she murmurs and traces her thumb along the scar on his cheek, a tiny frown etching itself between her brows.

"I've got all the time in the world", Killian tells her and tilts his head into her palm, his fingers playing with her hair while she traces the lines of his face, her long eyelashes hiding her eyes from Killian's gaze.

"Mom says you're really handsome", Emma murmurs and presses her lips against his chin, then kisses him lazily, spinning his head and making him wish they were both brave enough to take their relationship to the next level.

"Is that so?"

"No reason to get cocky", she admonishes playfully and applies her lips to his neck, making him groan and press her closer. "Killian."

Emma says his name like a demand, then pulls his head down and kisses him hungrily, her hand sliding underneath his shirt and brushing against his stomach just as the doorbell rings.

"Oh bloody Hell", he says vehemently and Emma gives the base of his throat a comforting kiss before she pulls back and pushes him toward the door.

"Go see who it is", she says, running her fingers through her hair in an attempt to make herself look presentable, but her cheeks are pink and her lips look thoroughly kissed, the slightly dazed look in her eyes impossible to hide.

Killian steals another kiss from her unsuspecting lips and finds Emma's parents in front of the door, David's arm around Mary Margaret's, their faces beaming with happiness.

"Who is it?" Emma calls from the kitchen and Killian invites her parents in, taking the coat from Emma's mother and going to the kitchen to get the glasses because David had brought champagne.

"We want you to be the first to know", Mary Margaret says and takes Emma hand, pulling her down to sit on the couch.

"Know what?"

"Your mother and I… we're getting married", David says and Killian turns toward the cupboards, still looking for the glasses.

For a moment there's no response, then Emma congratulates them and Killian stays in the kitchen, letting them have some privacy, opening more cupboards even though it's pretty clear that Emma does not have any champagne glasses.

"Is Killian still here?" Emma asks uncertainly and Killian grabs the first two glasses he sees, balancing them in his hand and returning to the living room.

"I was just getting glasses, love. Congratulations, mate."

"Glasses?" Emma asks in confusion, her eyes darting around the room as if looking for somebody to explain what's happening.

"We brought champagne to celebrate", Mary Margaret says and goes to get two more while Killian shakes David's hand, then sinks down on the armrest of the armchair closest to Emma, chewing on his lip when she reaches out her hand for his.

She's on his bad side and he doesn't have any choices but to give her his fake hand, watching her squeeze it; she keeps holding on even after David had distributed the champagne and they all lift their glasses in a toast.

"To my beautiful bride and my lovely daughter", Emma's father says and they all take a sip, but Killian is finding it hard to concentrate on the conversation because Emma is still holding his hand and he can't believe she doesn't mind that it's not the real one.

On some level he knows that it shouldn't surprise him, but it still throws him because he can't remember another human being ever touching his prosthetic aside from the doctor who had fitted him with it.

Emma drags him to the kitchen on the pretense of needing help to make coffee for her parents, then takes his face between her hands and asks him if he's okay.

"You've been so quiet tonight that I would've thought you'd gone home without saying goodbye if I wasn't holding your hand."

"I am sorry, love", he says and assures her that he's alright, but he can't bring himself to tell her how much it means to him that she accepts him as he is.

Emma smiles and slides her hands down his arms, taking both his hands in hers and standing on tiptoes to give him a kiss before she goes to make coffee.

It's suddenly perfectly clear that she already knows.

* * *

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	18. Bellis

**Thank you for all your kind words and I hope you will keep enjoying this story; there's more fluff coming your way in this chapter.**

* * *

Emma and Killian are taking a walk in the snow across the field behind Killian's house, their boots crunching as big snowflakes keep falling all around them and catching on Emma's eyelashes.

There's just a week left until Christmas and it's the first one Emma is not going to spend alone, so she doesn't quite know how to stop smiling.

"Can I ask you something, lass?" Killian says and Emma tilts her head to the side, wondering at the hesitant tone of his voice.

"Sure."

"You don't have to answer if the question upsets you in any way."

"I can't imagine what could be so upsetting that I wouldn't want to talk about it with you", Emma tells him and leans down to gather a handful of fresh snow.

"How come you don't have a guide dog?" Killian asks her softly and Emma squeezes the snow tightly, her steps faltering when memories of fluffy, soft fur and wet nose nudging her fingers assault her without warning.

"Love? Are you alright?"

"I was given a dog soon after I left the hospital after the accident", she tells him and debates on whether she should go on or take Killian up on his offer and change the subject.

"What happened?"

"He died", Emma whispers and rests her head against Killian's shoulder, surprised at how easily the old hurt returns.

"I'm sorry", Killian says and pulls her in for a hug, his hand rubbing up and down her back, soothing and encouraging at the same time.

"His name was Buddy and he was everything you could wish for… smart, gentle and loyal when on duty and incredibly cuddly in our down time", Emma says, her voice muffled against the material of Killian's jacket.

Killian doesn't speak, just continues to hold her and lets her tell the story in her own time.

"I was a complete mess back then, losing my sight and Neal and…", she trails off because she still doesn't have the courage to tell Killian all her secrets. "It felt like living in a dark hole, and Buddy was the only thing that kept me from going crazy."

A tear rolls down Emma's cheek and she squeezes her eyes shut, swallowing the lump in her throat before she tells Killian the rest.

"I had him for just three years before he got sick, and the worst thing was that nobody could tell me what was wrong with him; they did countless tests and by the end of it he was spending more time at the animal clinic than he did at home with me", Emma says, her voice getting lower because she doesn't want Killian to hear the tears in her voice.

They have both lost so much and it seems silly to cry over a dog that has been dead for years.

"In the end, they told me that there's no saving him, and that I should let them put him down because he will just keep getting worse until he dies", Emma finishes and takes a deep, calming breath, letting the smell of Killian's skin and his arms around her calm her down.

"I am so sorry, love", he murmurs against her ear and rocks her from side to side until she is ready to face him with dry eyes and a lighter heart.

"What made you ask me about guide dogs?"

"Will wants to buy Elsa one for Christmas, and I told him that there had to be a reason why neither of you had a dog", Killian says and turns them around, leading the way back toward the house.

"Elsa is allergic to dogs."

"And you don't want to lose another one", Killian concludes and Emma shrugs, kicking up snow as she walks and sliding her gloved fingers down his arm until she finds his hand.

"When I had Buddy, I relied on him for everything when I was out on the street… he was a huge help, but it made me lazy, and when I had to do without him I was both lost and terrified", Emma says and they walk on in silence, even though she can sense that there's something Killian is dying to say.

Still, he changes the subject and asks her about her parents' plans for the wedding, and when they reach home they leave their jackets and boots in the hallway before Killian goes to get Emma a pair of socks because hers had gotten wet.

"I have an idea", Killian says once they are curled up on the couch in front of the fire and with a mug of hot chocolate each on the coffee table in front of them.

"About?"

"You miss having a dog."

"Do I?" Emma asks, but she thinks she knows what his idea is, so it's hard not to get excited.

"Yes, you do. But at the same time, you don't want to have one again."

"True."

"What if I got a dog?" Killian says quickly, then hastens to add that he won't if she will mind.

"What kind of dog?"

"You can pick, if you want."

"Can I pick a name too?"

"Of course", Killian tells her and twirls a lock of her hair around his finger, and she can picture the look of cautious enthusiasm on his face so well.

"What if I pick a poodle? Or a chihuahua?"

"Then I am going to be a proud owner of a poodle. Or a chihuahua", Killian chuckles and Emma's lie detector stays quiet.

He would own a ridiculous dog just to make her happy, and it means more to her than she could ever express in words.

"Buddy was a Labrador", she tells him and idly traces her fingers up and down his good forearm, trying to decide if she wants to have a puppy who would remind her of Buddy or not.

Killian presses a kiss against her temple and she closes her eyes, then makes up her mind and tells him that she wouldn't mind another Labrador as long as they don't call him Buddy.

"As you wish", comes Killian's instant reply and Emma snuggles deeper into his embrace and spends the rest of the afternoon telling him about Buddy's antics.

* * *

On Christmas Eve Killian parks his truck and dials Emma's number before wedging the phone between his cheek and shoulder, his hand going into the cardboard box on the passenger seat and caressing the little ball of fluff that trembles inside of it.

"Hello?"

"Ready to go?"

"Yeah, I just finished with my tree a few minutes ago. Are you coming up?"

"Come meet me in the parking lot."

"Why?"

"I can't come up to get you, and I can't tell you why", Killian says and Emma doesn't argue, assuring him she'll be down as soon as she gets her coat and locks up.

A few minutes later she rounds the corner of her building and Killian jogs to her, takes her hand and gives her a quick kiss before leading her to his truck.

"What's going on?"

"Open the door", he tells her and she gives him a suspicious look before reaching for the door handle and carefully opening the passenger door, as if afraid something might jump at her.

Killian braces the door with his body and watches Emma's face when her hands encounter a cardboard box and then slowly trace the edges before she puts both of them inside, her eyes widening when she finds the puppy curled at the bottom of it.

"Killian", she says and grins before taking the whimpering ball of fur out of the box and holding it against her chest.

"Happy Christmas, love", Killian says and leans around Emma to clear the seat for her, then helps her get into the car because it's clear she's not going to let go of the puppy in the unforeseeable future. "She's three months old."

"She's cold", Emma murmurs and wraps the puppy in her coat, ducking her head and murmuring comforting words against the top of its head.

"We'll warm her up soon enough, don't worry", Killian tells her once he gets behind the wheel and turns the heating on before he eases out on the street, his eyes constantly straying from the road to watch Emma cuddle the puppy, her hand smoothing over the golden fur on its back.

As soon as they get to Killian's house he builds a fire in the fireplace while Emma makes the puppy a bed from a bunch of Killian's old clothes, then sits next to it and laughs as the puppy keeps trying to clamber on her lap.

"Don't worry. We're going to take good care of you", Emma tells her and the puppy licks her fingers, her whimpering and shivering slowly subsiding.

"If you two are okay, I'm going to start on the tree", Killian says and kneels next to Emma, their hands bumping together when he scratches the puppy behind her ears, Emma's body swaying into his.

"Her name is Daisy", she tells him and Killian smiles against her cheek, then kisses it and pets Daisy for a while longer before he goes to make the tree in the corner look presentable.

For the next hour Killian alternatively hums with the radio and curses under his breath when he gets the Christmas lights tangled up and occasionally fumbles the colorful balls because he keeps looking over at Emma, who keeps stroking Daisy's fur until the puppy sighs and falls asleep in her lap.

Both Emma and the dog look content and at peace, and once Killian is done with decorating he sits on the carpet next to them and describes all the ornaments he's got for the tree and counts the names of all the colors that are sparkling from it.

Emma tells him that she had only used red Christmas balls for her tree, and that she doesn't doubt his looks much prettier, her voice wistful and her gaze locked on something neither one of them can see.

"I'm sure your tree is lovely, Swan", Killian tells her but she refocuses her attention on Daisy and he retreats to the kitchen to cook them dinner.

He goes the whole nine yards with chicken and potatoes in the oven and three kinds of salads, the smell of the food coaxing Emma from the living room and into the kitchen.

"Do you have puppy food?" Emma asks and Killian assures her that he's got everything necessary, but the closer it is to the time when Killian usually drives her back home, the more reluctant Emma is to leave, as if she just can't bring herself to part with Daisy.

If he knew that the way to her heart was through a puppy, he'd have gotten one sooner.

"Swan? Would you like to sleep over?" Killian asks her when it's almost 11:30 p.m. and she's still sitting on the couch with the puppy cradled in her arms.

"On the couch?"

"I'll take the couch, love. You can have my room."

Emma looks torn, and Killian gets the feeling that she would not mind sharing his bed, but he's afraid to ask because he doesn't want her to think he's trying to pressure her.

"Unless…"

"I'm sure your bed is big enough for both of us and Daisy if need be", Emma says and Killian chuckles with relief, then gently takes Daisy from her and carries her out, determined to teach her early on to do her business outside.

"Come along, Swan", he says once Daisy is back in her bed and leads Emma into his room, letting her pick the side of the bed and then showing her the way to the bathroom in case she needs it during the night. "But don't hesitate to wake me up if you're not sure you can find your way in the dark."

"I won't", Emma says and then they just stand facing each other, her fingers pulling at the edge of her shirt but not actually taking it off.

"You can borrow one of my shirts if you want", he tells her and Emma reaches out her hands, finding him easily and wrapping her arms around his waist.

"I would love to sleep in your shirt", she says and stands on tiptoes to give him a kiss, then retraces their steps to the bedroom while Killian quickly changes in the bathroom, then agonizes for good ten minutes because he knows his fake hand can't stay on and at the same time he doesn't want to face Emma's reaction if she touches his stump accidentally.

In the end he shoves his fear far into the back of his mind and returns to his bedroom, shoving the prosthetic into the hallway closet on his way there; his bed is not as big as Emma had made it out to be, but there's still room between them when Killian turns off the light and slides under the covers.

"Good night, love", he says and reaches for her hand, but instead of entwining their fingers Emma just rolls over his arm and snuggles against his side.

"Good night, Killian", she murmurs and rests her head on his shoulder, sighing contentedly when he embraces her with both arms although she can't be missing the fact that for the first time since they've met each other, he's not wearing his prosthetic.

Emma rests her hand above Killian's heart and her breathing evens out before Killian can ask her if she's happy, which is an answer in itself, considering the fact how untrusting his Swan is of other people, so he kisses the top of her head and closes his eyes, staying awake for quite some time until he manages to relax enough to fall asleep.

* * *

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	19. Viscum

**Thank you so much for all the feedback and I hope you enjoy the way Emma and Killian finally come together.  
**

* * *

Emma wakes up to the sound of a puppy crying for her mother and for a moment she panics because she doesn't remember where she is, but then she breathes in Killian's scent and she knows that's she's safe.

She is lying practically on top of him, her cheek resting on his chest and her bare leg trapped between his, both his hand and stump pressing against the small of her back; they have never been this close, and it doesn't take her more than a minute to wake up fully, her body coming alive with a rush of heat and awareness.

For a lazy beat of a heart Emma's is motionless, then she shifts a little, trying to determine how much wiggle room she's got, and Killian mutters something unintelligible before rubbing his chin against the top of her head and quiets again, still deeply asleep judging by the sound of his breathing.

"Killian", Emma whispers and lifts her head, her hand tracing over his shoulder and up his neck before it comes to frame his cheek. "Killian, wake up."

"Hmm?" Killian murmurs and slowly traces his hand up her back, the corner of his mouth lifting up into a smile underneath her thumb.

"I'm gonna go cuddle the puppy until she goes back to sleep", Emma tells him and he nods, but doesn't make a move to let her go.

He feels so firm underneath her and he smells so good, and Emma feels the insistent pressure of need down low which makes her reluctant to pull away because she doesn't want to shock him awake and make him retreat.

"Open yours arms", Emma murmurs and kisses his cheek, and after a while of gentle coaxing Killian complies, leaving her enough room to slip out of bed and tiptoe down the hallways, one hand trailing the wall until she reaches the source of all the sad noise. "Shhhh, go to sleep."

The puppy quiets as soon as Emma hugs her close, but Emma stays kneeling on the floor until she falls back asleep.

"Swan", Killian whispers from the doorway and Emma gently puts Daisy down, then retraces her steps and walks right into his arms.

"Hey", she murmurs and sneaks her hands underneath his shirt, tracing the hard lines of his back while his hand settles on her hip. "I didn't mean to make you."

"You should've woken me", he admonishes softly and presses her against the wall, his hips aligning with hers as she rests her palms on his chest.

"You were sleeping so soundly", Emma tells him and tilts her head back, feeling a puff of air brush her lips when Killian breathes out and she breathes in, her hands sliding down and around him, pressing him harder against her.

"Swan", he says, a tone of warning in his voice that sends a shiver down her spine and makes her even more determined to take their relationship to the next level.

She wants him more than she had ever wanted anybody, and she is not afraid anymore.

"Lights on or off?"

"Off", Killian says and Emma takes his hand in hers and pulls him back to the bedroom, then stands on tiptoes and kisses him until there are stars bursting behind her closed lids.

"Touch me", she tells him and Killian leans down to grasp the edge of her shirt, slowly lifting it up, goose bumps coming out on her skin in the wake of his fingertips.

He hesitates when the hem reaches her breasts and Emma lifts her arms, shivering in anticipation and pulling him in for another kiss, Killian's splayed fingers pressing against the centre of her naked back.

It saddens her that he's keeping his left arm well away from her body, and she realizes that she has to show him she doesn't mind it touching her before he starts thinking she prefers him not to.

"My turn", she says and lifts his shirt up, revealing the strong planes of his chest and back to her eager explorations.

Emma kisses Killian's shoulder and rests her hands on his upper arms, her thumbs pressing against the firm mounds of his biceps as she applies her lips to his neck, gently sucking on the tender skin and smiling when he groans in response.

He stiffens when she starts moving her hands down over the wiry strength of his arms, but Emma doesn't let go, reaching first his stump and then his hand and holding on while she presses kisses against Killian's collarbone.

"It's alright", she tells him and kisses the underside of his jaw, her fingers smoothing over his knuckles and the stark scar that makes her heart hurt because she can only imagine how much pain and grief he had been through.

Emma guides both his arms around her waist and brushes her nose against the hollow of his throat, staying still until he finally gathers up the courage to touch her without holding back.

And boy does he touch her, his fingertips gliding over his skin as he keeps her pressed against him with his handless arm, his chest hair grazing her sensitive nipples as his tongue slides into her mouth and teases hers.

Killian lies her down on his bed and kisses a path down her chest and stomach before he drags his scruffy chin over her hipbone, then tugs her panties off, easing them down her legs and pressing kisses against the inside of her thighs, leaving her a quivering mess before he even touches her where she needs him most.

It's been so long since Emma had shared a bed with a man, and she had never done it like this, in complete darkness where her sense of touch seems heightened, and Neal's fumbling attempts to please her pale in comparison with Killian's superior skill and, what's even more important, care for her.

"Oh God", she gasps and twines her fingers in his hair, arching her hips and biting her lip as the pressure builds until she thinks her skin might be catching fire, her entire body craving more.

Emma says Killian's name with a needy whine that makes him redouble his efforts to get her off, but she doesn't want to be selfish, doesn't want to fall without him, so she pulls him up and reaches for his pajama pants, pushing them down almost desperately, eagerly taking him in her hand as soon as the offending garments are gone.

"Slow down, Swan", Killian tells her and covers her hand with his, guiding her movements as his weight presses her into the mattress, his breath fanning her cheeks with every sharp inhale.

"I don't want to slow down", she says and opens her legs wider, guiding him inside and sighing with pleasure because nothing had ever felt like this, and she had never felt so complete.

Killian kisses her and their bodies catch the common rhythm, her hands holding onto his shoulders while he rocks above her and sends the pressure inside her skyrocketing, spiraling higher and higher until she explodes and he chases his own release, catching it a few moments later.

* * *

There's a part of Killian that isn't quite sure the last half an hour wasn't just an incredible dream, and the darkness of his bedroom amplifies the feeling, but his racing heart and heavy breathing are proof enough that he had just made love to Emma and not just dreamed he was doing it.

"You okay?" She asks him, pressing her fingers against his spine one at a time as if playing a piano, and he carefully rolls on his side to give her room to breathe, his hand settling possessively on her hip.

"More than okay, I should think", he says and Emma laughs, her foot sliding up his calf and her nose nuzzling his shoulder as he arranges the covers over them.

"Are all florists like this?" Emma asks him and chuckles when Killian huffs in mock offense, then snuggles deeper into his embrace and starts trailing her fingers over his chest.

"Looking for more tattoos?"

"Found one", she says and traces the scar on the right side of his ribs.

"Not a tattoo", Killian tells her and guides her fingers to the tattoo over his heart. "This is."

"I can't tell what's it supposed to be."

"An anchor", Killian says and Emma presses a kiss against first the scar, then the tattoo, her hair tickling Killian's nose and making him smile.

"And this one?" Emma asks, her thumb tracing the parallel lines on his bicep that cover the only tattoo he'd ever regretted getting.

"You tell me."

"It feels like prison bars?"

"Close enough", Killian says, and explains how he needed to cover the tattoo of his rank within the gang because it was a constant reminder of everything that's been lost.

"And the snake on your back?" Emma asks him softly and he shrugs, telling her how it's too big to cover like that, and he can't see it anyway.

For a little while Emma is quiet, then leans in and kisses his cheek, embracing him tighter than before.

"Any more secret tattoos on you?" He asks her and tickles the base of her spine to lighten the mood, shushing her when she laughs because he's afraid the puppy will wake up and attract all her attention again.

"There's just the one", she tells him and continues with her explorations, eager to hear all his stories and never shying away from his scars.

Any of his scars.

He discovers quickly that she's got a fair share of her own, silent witnesses of a decade spent living in the dark with unseen obstacles on every corner.

They fall asleep hours later just to be woken by the whimpering puppy and the sound of Emma's cell phone ringing in the living room, then going quiet just to start up once more.

Emma groans and buries her face against Killian's neck and he stares at the pale line of her spine because both his hand and stump and pressing against the base of it and he had doubted he would ever see such a sight while being awake.

"I don't wanna get up", she grumbles and tightens her grip on his bicep when he tries to sit up. "You can't get up either."

"Might be your parents wanting to wish you a happy Christmas", Killian murmurs and Emma tilts her head back as if to look at him, her glorious hair tangled around her face as she contemplates his suggestion.

"But I'm warm here."

"I'll get your phone", Killian tells her and kisses her before she can object, then carefully extracts from her embrace and pulls on his pajama bottoms, padding barefoot down the hallway.

Daisy is giving him a mournful look and as he steps around the little puddle she'd left next to her bed Killian sighs to himself, cleaning up the mess first before he washes his hand and carries Emma's phone back to the bedroom.

"You have six missed calls from your parents", he says and sits on the edge of the bed, his eyes widening when he sees how many bruises adorn Emma's creamy skin; she doesn't seem to be in any pain, calling her mother and wishing her a merry Christmas.

"Why wouldn't I be fine?" Emma asks and Killian looks up to see her cheeks turn pink as she explains to Mary Margaret that nothing has happened to her and that she had spent the night at Killian's place. "Mom and dad say Merry Christmas."

"They were worried?"

"They came by my apartment and freaked when I didn't answer the door or pick up my phone. What time is it?"

"Close to 10", Killian says and presses a kiss against the faint bruise on her shoulder, then asks her if she wants to stay in bed while he makes her breakfast.

"Is Daisy okay?"

"She's fine", Killian assures her and hands her his shirt. "You could keep me company in the kitchen and make sure Daisy isn't lonely at the same time."

Emma puts his shirt on and straddles his lap, kissing him long and hard before skipping off to the bathroom, then joins him five minutes later with Daisy in her arms.

"What's for breakfast?" She asks and Killian slides mistletoe against her neck, then kisses her before handing it over. "Patience, love."

"Is this mistletoe?"

"Happy Christmas, Emma."

"Happy Christmas, Killian", Emma echoes and catches his wrist before he returns to the counter, pulling him down for another kiss. "Thank you."

"Nothing to thank me for."

"I disagree", Emma says softly and releases him before going back to petting Daisy.

Killian loses a full minute just watching her sit there in his kitchen with one long, bare leg curled under her, wearing his shirt and holding his dog close, her hair spilling over her shoulders in gentle locks, and he comes to the realization that he loves her not with a jolt of fear, but with a soothing click of things falling into place.

Emma Swan is it for him, and he couldn't be happier that life had turned out this way, because nothing had ever been sweeter than this morning.

"Quit staring at me and start cooking", she says and Killian smiles, then busies himself with taking out the ingredients for pancakes from the cupboards.

"As you wish", he tells her, and judging by her smile, she knows as well as he does that this was the third time he'd said it.

* * *

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	20. Dianthus

**Angst alert! This chapter is probably the worst in this story, so brace yourself, and thank you for reading and all your kind words so far.  
**

* * *

Killian drives Emma home after lunch, but she insists that he brings Daisy along instead of leaving her all alone in an empty house.

Although last night was amazing, Emma thinks she won't mind a little time to herself to process everything, especially Killian's third "as you wish", because now there is no doubt he had used it deliberately.

However, when Killian parks his truck, Emma finds that she isn't quite ready to let go of Daisy yet, so she invites Killian up for a cup of tea (and coffee for her), and he wraps his arm around her waist, subtly guiding her while she carries the puppy.

"Emma!" Somebody exclaims as soon as they come into the lobby of Emma's building and she frowns because while the voice does sound familiar, she doesn't knows whom it belongs to. "Em, it's me."

Emma freezes at the use of the ancient nickname and hugs Daisy closer to her chest, the puppy whining in protest.

"Who are you?" The voice from her past asks and there is no mistaking the demanding tone, Neal's footsteps sounding like thunder in her ears. "Who is he, Emma?"

"Hold on a second, mate", Killian says and angles his body slightly in front of Emma's, his hand leaving her waist to settle on her arm, and Emma is beyond grateful that he had not left her stranded in the dark.

"Are you seeing this clown?" Neal asks and Emma finally finds her voice, lifting her chin up and telling him that she's not seeing anything thanks to him. "You know that it was just an accident."

"It was you drunk driving", Emma tells him sharply and hopes she's facing Killian when she says that she's ready to go upstairs.

"This is Neal?" Killian asks and she shivers from the subtle note of fury in his voice.

"I just want to see my son. Or daughter", Neal says and Emma can practically feel Killian's eyes shifting to her face.

"I don't know what you're talking about", Emma says softly and holds the puppy in her arms tighter as she takes a half step toward the stairs, then hesitates because she's not quite sure how far are they and she doesn't want to trip with Neal watching.

"You can't stop me from seeing my child", Neal says and when a hand closes around her arm she knows without a shadow of a doubt that it doesn't belong to Killian.

"You need to take yourself off, mate", Killian says and a moment later Neal's hand is removed from Emma's person.

"At least tell me if it's a boy or a girl-"

"There is no child, Neal!" Emma yells in his general direction and puts Daisy down while she takes the cane from her pocket, but when she bends down again, the puppy is nowhere to be found. "Killian, take Daisy."

"You're lying. You were pregnant when we crashed", Neal says and Emma can hear his grunting as he struggles against Killian's hold.

A tear rolls down Emma's cheek as she makes her way to the stairs, and it's only when she reaches the rail that she turns back toward the lobby and lets loose everything that's been laying heavy on her heart for years.

"I was pregnant when we crashed and I was pregnant when I woke up all alone in the deepest dark imaginable. When I asked about you they told me that you had run off and left me behind because you were probably scared of the repercussions for causing the accident."

"I didn't cause-"

Emma ignores him and just talks over him as if he hadn't even spoken.

"When they told me I was pregnant all I felt was panic; I was eighteen, alone, in pain and on top of everything else, blind, so I agreed to have an abortion."

There's a lump in Emma's throat that no amount of swallowing can dislodge, and all she wants to do is curl up in her bed and cry until that old sorrow eases again.

"You got rid of our child without even talking to me?!"

"You left me without a word of explanation!"

"You didn't even try to call me!" Neal shoots back and she is so angry she could strangle him.

"My phone was in pieces and I couldn't remember your number because I was concussed!" Emma screams and a sob tears from her throat because he is making everything her fault and it is not the first time.

"I've had enough", Killian announces to nobody in particular and Emma listens to more sounds of struggle and Neal's curses before the door slams closed and the lobby is eerily quiet again.

"Daisy?" Emma whispers and feels an unbearable wave of sadness when the puppy yips and comes to nudge Emma's foot with her paw as if she already realizes that Emma won't notice her otherwise. "Come here."

Daisy licks Emma's hand and Emma picks her up, carrying her up the stairs as tears keep rolling down her cheeks, thoughts of her baby swirling in her head, sobs escaping her despite her best efforts to keep quiet.

"Shhh", Emma shushes Daisy when the puppy whimpers and somehow manages to unlock the door without having to put her down, then curls on the couch still wearing her coat and presses her face against Daisy's warm fur, letting out all the anguish she'd been running from just to have it catch up to her again when she least expected it.

* * *

Killian marches Neal to the end of the block and makes sure he's gone for good before popping off to his store to grab a flower for Emma and give her a little more time to come to terms with her ex coming back.

And to give himself time to adjust to everything he had just learned.

It's a surprise that he hadn't strangled Neal when he still had a hold on him, but he doesn't want to cause Emma any more grief today.

Killian manages to stay in his shop for precisely fifteen minutes before he backtracks to Emma's building and makes his way up to her apartment, and then he rings the door-bell and doesn't stop ringing it until Emma comes to the door.

"Killian?" Emma says his name on a sniffle and Killian rests his forehead against the door, wanting nothing more than to just take her in his arms.

But for that, first he needs to convince her to open the door.

"Is Daisy with you, lass?" He asks softly and the puppy yips as if wanting to reassure him that she's okay.

"Can you leave her with me tonight?" Emma asks in a broken voice that breaks his heart and makes him realize that he's going to do everything in his power to help her through this.

"You can have her forever if you want, love. Would you please open the door?"

"I want to be alone", Emma says and he closes his eyes, the decides that for the first time since they've met, he's not going to let her hide behind her walls and come out in her own time.

"I don't believe you do, Swan", he tells her and for a long minute there's absolute silence behind her door that makes him worry she had gone back to the living room.

"I don't want to talk about Neal. Or the baby", Emma says, her voice getting softer until he can barely hear her through the wood.

"We don't have to talk at all, love. Just open the door", he coaxes and waits patiently because she's not leaving him much choice, but also because he fears that a wrong word will make a chasm open between them that he won't be able to bridge.

"Promise", she says and he sighs, but he promises because he knows that what she needs most of all is just to be held, and he's more than willing to be the one offering her as much comfort as he is able.

The door opens slowly and reveals Emma huddling in her coat, her eyes red and puffy and Daisy cradled in her arms.

She looks young and vulnerable and it's not hard for Killian to imagine her as she was ten years ago, heartbroken and betrayed and left behind, so he doesn't waste time on words, just steps over the threshold and embraces her gently not to squish the puppy, closing the door with his foot.

The noise makes her start and he shushes her, cradling her head against his shoulder and rocking them all from side to side as she sniffles, bunching his jacket in her free hand.

"I brought you something", he says a while later and takes the slightly wrinkled carnation from his pocket, Emma's fragile smile as she caresses the petals making him bite his lip not to tell her that he loves her.

"Come see my Christmas tree", Emma murmurs and wipes her face dry with the back of her hand before putting Daisy down and hanging her coat in the hallway closet, waiting for Killian to do the same before she takes his hand and leads him into the living room.

So much has happened in the last day that for a moment Killian had forgotten that it was Christmas, but Emma's small, painstakingly decorated tree reminds him well enough.

"Yours is definitely more beautiful", he tells her and she gives him a speculative look before deciding to believe him and take the compliment.

They sit on the couch and Emma puts the carnation in the vase on the coffee table where its bright red color clashes with the pink roses, and yet somehow still looks good among them.

Killian puts his arm around Emma's waist and shifts her on his lap, wrapping her in his arms and resting his chin on the top of her head as he stares at the red Christmas balls on her tree without really seeing them.

"You won't ask me about… anything?"

"I promised I wouldn't."

"He thinks it was easy for me", Emma murmurs and slides her fingers up his left forearm and down his right, tracing each knuckle on his hand before reversing back. "As if I just decided to get rid of it on a whim."

"You shouldn't care about what he thinks, love", Killian says and she pauses in her caress, her fingers wrapping around his wrist before she asks him what he thinks. "I won't ever presume to know what you were going through, but I know a little something about pain and the way it feels to wake up in the hospital all alone with a part of you missing… it's no wonder you made the decision you did."

"I wasn't strong enough to deal with a baby on top of everything else", Emma tells him and he feels a tear slide down his neck, then another before she turns her face away. "I would've been a terrible mother."

"You were injured and alone", he says even though he knows that applying logic to what had happened won't help; although he can't imagine the pain Emma must've gone through and is still going through, he can see their unborn children every time he looks into Emma's eyes and the very thought of never having them makes him feel like there's a vice squeezing his heart.

"I regret my decision almost every day", Emma chokes out and covers her mouth with her hand, taking big heaving breaths and generally looking like she's going to completely fall apart if he doesn't do something quickly.

"I believe that everything happens for a reason", he tells her and slowly sifts his fingers through her hair, wishing he could take all her pain and make it disappear even though he knows that no such thing is possible.

"Even the awful things?"

"Especially the awful things."

"You're unbearably optimistic", Emma says and he smiles to himself because he's really not.

"Believing that everything happens for a reason was the only thing that kept me from going completely round the bend when I lost my brother", Killian murmurs and Emma's hand lifts to cup his cheek, her thumb smoothing over the scar as his eyes roam over the fine lines of her face.

"Even if I had found the strength to keep the baby, I never would have seen them", Emma says wistfully and Killian doesn't know what to say to that, so he just kisses her forehead and her cheeks and finally her mouth, giving her a way to forget that she gladly takes.

Sometimes there is no way around pain, but there is always something that can dull it and help you breathe around it.

Killian is beyond relieved that Emma is letting him be that thing for her.

* * *

**Review?**


	21. Petunia

**Thank you so much for all the positive reviews, it really means a lot to me that you like this story whether it's angsty or fluffy.**

* * *

Emma spends the rest of her vacation at Killian's house in order to avoid Neal and play with Daisy. It snows again and after initial apprehension, the puppy grows to like playing in the snow and Killian makes sure to describe all Daisy's antics to Emma in detail, and in one memorable occasion they have a snowball fight while Daisy huddles on the porch.

On New Year's Eve they fall asleep on the couch before midnight and wake up around 2 a.m., hungry for each other and desperate for release, but Emma insists they go to bed because it feels awkward with Daisy watching, at which Killian chuckles and throws her over his shoulder, carrying her off while she clings to his shirt for dear life.

"Do you want me to sleep over and drive you to work tomorrow?" Killian asks on Sunday evening, his hand cupping her cheek and tilting her face up to his, and even though she absolutely doesn't want to take the chance of running into Neal alone, she knows that she's going to have to face him sooner or later before that part of her past is finally laid to rest.

"I'll be fine", Emma tells him but she doesn't sound very convincing, and Killian keeps standing in front of her, smoothing his thumb over her cheek and quietly waiting to see if she's going to change her mind. "Make sure you bring Daisy to the shop with you tomorrow."

"We'll see you around four, then", Killian says and brushes his lips against hers, then kisses her firmer before he shrugs on his jacket and whistles for Daisy. "Time to go, little rascal."

Daisy pads from the living room and nudges Emma's leg, begging to be petted, and Emma obliges her before seeing them both out and giving Killian one more goodbye kiss.

She doesn't sleep well that night, used to the warmth of Killian's body curled around hers, and it's a little scary how easy it was to get used to it; they've spent an entire week together and it was more pleasant than Emma ever could have imagined it would be.

All the way to work Emma is apprehensive, bracing herself for the sound of Neal's voice, but she reaches Killian's shop without any unpleasant surprises along the way, gives him a kiss and continues on to work, breathing a sigh of relief when she walks into the City Hall.

Since Elsa is on vacation, Emma has the office all to herself and nothing much to do, so she spends the day texting Killian and chatting to her mother on the phone, who asks her almost timidly if she would mind her and David moving to the city permanently.

"You would really do that?" Emma asks, completely thrown because she had expected her parents to return back East in a few weeks at most.

"It doesn't matter where we live, Emma, as long as it's near you", Mary Margaret says and Emma blinks furiously, squeezing the phone tightly in her hand.

"Okay", Emma says softly and quickly finishes the call, wiping at her eyes and taking a deep, calming breath.

She feels so loved, but at the same time she hurts because she could've had this from the start if only the circumstances were different.

Emma is still thinking about her parents and the fact that they are willing to uproot their life for her as she walks home, so it takes her a while to register Neal's voice when he calls her name, running to catch up.

"Emma, wait! We need to talk!"

"I'm not interested", she says and lengthens her steps a little because Killian's shop is just around the corner and she can't reach it soon enough.

"Please", Neal says and Emma feels herself slowing down, the pull of his voice still strong despite everything that has happened.

"What do you want?" She asks sharply, prepared to scoff at big declarations of love and pleads to take him back.

"My fiancée thought that I should apologize to you so we can start our marriage unburdened by the crap from the past", Neal tells her and Emma can't believe her ears.

"Crap from the past?!" She exclaims and fights the very acute urge to attempt slapping him even though she might miss his face. "You ruined my life and now you want to apologize and ease your guilty conscience?"

"Hey! If I had known you were pregnant I would've stuck around!"

"You're disgusting", Emma says, her voice like ice, and starts walking away, but she doesn't go far before his hand wraps around her arm and halts her progress.

"I was young and I got scared, so I ran."

"I was young too. You were a coward who never took any responsibility for your actions", Emma tells him and it feels good to be able to finally say it.

"Well I'm taking responsibility now."

"It's too little and too late", Emma says and wrenches her arm from his hold. "Stop stalking me and have a nice life."

To her surprise, Neal doesn't follow her and she walks away with her head held high, slightly shaky but glad that it's all over.

As soon as she opens the door of the flower shop Killian is by her side, telling her that she looks pale and leading her into the back room where he makes her coffee, and she takes the first sip before she realizes that he didn't have a coffee machine when she was here the last time.

"You like coffee", he tells her when she asks him about it, as if the simple fact that she enjoys coffee more than tea is enough explanation for him getting a coffee machine into this already over-crowded room. "Did Neal bother you again?"

"He apologized and we're done for good now", Emma says, reaching out her hand and finding Killian's fake one after a little fumbling, but she doesn't let go even when he covers hers with his real one.

"I should've waited for you after work."

"You can't protect me from everything, Killian", Emma tells him mildly and stands up to give him a kiss, inhaling the scent of his skin and feeling herself relax into his embrace.

"I can bloody well try", he says and she smiles against his mouth, then kisses him once more, her fingertips whispering against the scruff on his cheeks.

* * *

Killian's phone rings when he's just about to tie a ribbon around the bouquet that's supposed to be done in fifteen minutes, but when he sees it's Emma calling he doesn't even hesitate dropping everything and picking up.

"Hello, love."

"Mom wants us to have dinner with her and dad because he's leaving again tomorrow", Emma says without preamble and Killian closes his eyes to avoid looking at the list of all the arrangements he's supposed to have ready by Saturday. "We should pick them up at their hotel around 7 o'clock so-"

"Swan, I can't go with you", Killian cuts her off and rests his forehead against the edge of the table, feeling awful for letting her down like this.

"You can't?"

"I'm behind for Saturday. I was going to persuade you to stay and help me after work, and even then I don't know if I'll be able to finish in time."

"Oh", Emma says in a small voice, then clears her throat and assures him that it's alright.

"You know I would love to come, but I really need to do this", Killian tells her and even though it appears she understands, he feels unsettled.

And quite a lot guilty.

Still, Emma pops in after work to assure him that she's not mad, standing up on tiptoes and giving him a sweet but quick kiss before she pets Daisy and takes herself off because she wants to have a bath and curl her hair for tonight.

It's mighty difficult concentrating on work after that, and he's so distracted that he doesn't even notice Will coming in until Daisy starts yipping at him.

"Shhh, he's not going to hurt you."

"Emma told Elsa that you need help with the order and Elsa said I had to be the one to rescue you", Will says and Killian arches a brow, biting back the urge to tease him because he really does need help. "If you say she's got me wrapped around her finger, I'm walking out."

"I didn't say anything", Killian tells him and points at the big arrangement on the spare table. "I need to make ten more like that."

"We'll be done before you know it", Will assures him but half an hour later he's cursing to himself and rolling his eyes heavenward because he's much better at growing flowers and delivering them than making arrangements.

"You're rubbish at this", Killian tells him and grins when Will glares daggers at him, then hastens to tell him that he appreciates the help. "Such as it is."

"You are an awful friend", Will tells him and triumphantly ties off the ribbon he'd been wrestling with for the last ten minutes.

"You are a great one, so it all evens out in the middle."

"I'm not sure that's how it works, but I owe you for getting me back into Elsa's good graces, so I shall forgive you."

"How magnanimous of you", Killian chuckles and ducks when Will throws a rose at him. "Hey!"

"That'll teach you", Will says and they continue working for the rest of the afternoon and well into the evening, and after it's done Killian buys him a few rounds in pub so it's nearing midnight when he finally manages to reach Emma's door.

"Who is it?" She asks after he had almost given up hope that she would open and he thinks to himself that they should devise some way of him ringing the bell that would let her know it's him without needing to ask.

"Killian."

"I didn't think you'd come over tonight. Glad that you did, though", Emma says once she opens the door and kneels to pet Daisy, then holds out her hand for the flower she knows Killian had brought her. "Ooh, it's a pot."

She's wearing her pajamas and she looks absolutely delectable.

"White and pink petunias", Killian tells her and closes the door, watching Emma touch the petals and starting to shrug out of his jacket before he remembers that he can't spend the night because he needs to go home and get some flowers from the hothouse for tomorrow.

"This place must look like a jungle by now", Emma tells him and picks up the pot, then walks ahead of him carefully so as not to trip over Daisy.

"How was dinner?" Killian asks and doesn't even attempt to carry the flowers because he knows Emma would insist on finding a place for them on her own.

Fiercely independent whenever possible, his lass is.

"Mom wants to have the wedding back East", Emma announces and sets the pot down in the corner, then turns around and hesitates, listening intently because she doesn't know where he is anymore. "Marco."

"Polo. Your parents' friends are all there", he says and she walks into his arms, then frowns when she realizes that he's still wearing his jacket.

"You're not sleeping over?"

"I need to bring orchids tomorrow morning", Killian says and sighs when Emma slides her fingers under the hem of his shirt and pulls him closer.

"You could go get them in the morning before work", she tells him and slowly licks her lips, her green eyes flashing with mischief.

"Swan…"

"You know you want to stay", Emma tells him and kisses his jaw, then slowly slides the jacket off his shoulders. "You missed dinner and I missed you."

"You are a siren", Killian says and kisses her, then allows her to lead him to her bedroom where she takes out pajama bottoms she'd bought him and a t-shirt he'd left the last time he'd slept over.

"Don't be long", Emma tells him and gives him a gentle shove toward the bathroom before getting under the covers on the side of the bed he'd come to consider hers.

By the time he returns, Emma is already asleep, but Killian doesn't regret his decision of staying over even though he feels so tired he knows he won't be able to keep his eyes opened for more than a few minutes.

"Good night, love", he says and slides his bad arm underneath Emma, smiling when she rolls over and buries her face against his chest.

Who cares about getting eight hours of sleep when you can wake up with Emma Swan sleeping on top of you after just six?

* * *

**Review?**


	22. Narcissus

**More angst coming your way! Thank you for reading, and I hope you enjoy!  
**

* * *

Emma's parents are to be married in the town called Storybrooke on Valentine's Day and they have expressed fervent wishes that Emma attends the wedding. As soon as Killian hears about it he tells her that she needs to go and offers to go with her, and somehow between the three of them Emma lets herself be talked into going even though she knows that there's a very strong possibility the trip will make Killian realize how complicated sharing a life with her would be.

She had tumbled head over heels into love with him and although she hopes he's strong enough to deal with this, she would very much like to know now and minimize the heartbreak.

Elsa agrees to take Daisy for the weekend and Emma throws herself into planning; the trip to Storybrooke would take ten hours by car and just three by plane, and although Emma had never flown she picks the plane because the longest she'd been in a car was half an hour and even that was pushing her dangerously close to a panic attack.

Killian tells her that he'd been in a plane only once but doesn't elaborate, and Emma is too busy packing and double-checking everything about the flight and the wedding to ask him if he has any objections to their means of transporatation, which proves to be a mistake as soon as they settle into their seats and Killian grows frighteningly quiet.

Emma manages to do her own seatbelt and when Killian asks her if she can give him a hand a chill of premonition rushes down her spine, but she focuses her attention on joining the two halves and leaving it to Killian to tighten it enough.

"Are you okay?" She asks him when the plane starts moving and lays her hand on his forearm to find his muscles bunched, further exploration proving that his hand is squeezing the armrest so hard his knuckles must be turning white. "Killian… are you afraid of flying?"

"Aye", he answers in a rough voice and Emma gently pries his fingers from the armrest and entwines them with hers.

"Why didn't you tell me?" She asks, intending to distract him with questions until they are up in the air.

"You're afraid of driving", he tells her and ducks his head so that it appears they are both staring at his hand.

"We could've found some other way to get to Storybrooke", she says, trying not to sound pissed off because he's attempting to conquer his fear, and she doesn't want to be ungrateful.

"If driving and flying are out, the only thing that remains is sailing and-", Killian cuts himself off and squeezes her hand tightly because the plane is starting to pick up speed. "Bloody Hell."

"Close your eyes", Emma tells him and lays her free hand on his forearm, hoping that he'll listen to her and get through this without completely freaking out. "Just listen to my voice."

"We had turbulence all the way from England when I first came to the States and-"

"This is a short flight, and we're not crossing the ocean", Emma reassures him, her fingers caressing his as the plane leaves the earth and slowly starts climbing. "Everything is going to be okay."

"Sorry for ruining the trip before it even started", Killian says and Emma shakes her head, sliding her hand up his arm and cupping his face.

"You didn't ruin anything, Killian. I'm sorry for being so wrapped up in planning that I didn't even notice you were apprehensive. Should've known when you let me have the window seat", Emma says and Killian chuckles, slightly easing his grip on her hand but still holding on.

"I know how important it was to you and your parents that you came to their wedding, and I was scared you'd cancel the whole thing", Killian tells her and even with the plane full of people around them, it feels like they are all alone in their little bubble.

"We could take the train back", Emma suggests even though they've dismissed that option at the beginning because neither was thrilled with the idea of a twenty-four hour trip with multiple transfers.

"I'm coming to the realization that flying isn't so scary when you're here to hold my hand", Killian tells her and smoothes his thumb over the back of her hand, then traces it over her knuckles which has her suddenly blinking back tears because she knows that it's too late.

There will be no protecting her heart from breaking because it's already filled to the brim with something that very much resembles love.

The plane lands in Bangor on time and Killian leads them through the airport maze quickly but carefully, his bag slung on his shoulder as he rolls Emma's suitcase while she holds onto his elbow and tries to control the panic that always rises in unfamiliar spaces.

Mary Margaret and David greet them at the gate and hug Emma as if they haven't seen her for months instead of days but even then Emma doesn't let go of Killian; he senses her uneasiness and stays close, and ten minutes later they are sitting side by side in the back seat of David's truck; Emma breathes a sigh and lies her head on Killian's shoulder, closing her eyes and trying to mentally prepare for the rest of the day.

Once they reach Storybrooke's only B&amp;B Emma's parents introduce them to Ruby, then depart to make sure preparations for the wedding are still on track.

"Would you two like to explore the town or eat something first?" Ruby asks and Emma digs her fingers into Killian's arm because all she wants is to sit down and finally relax.

"The flight has been trying, so we would like to settle into our room first", Killian says and Emma nods, not even caring if she's doing so in Ruby's direction or slightly off.

"Of course", Ruby reassures them and leads them through winding hallways and up the stairs they have to descend one at a time, Emma's heart hammering all the way up. "And here we are. The bathroom is through here and you have a lovely view of the harbor."

"Thank you, lass", Killian says and Ruby leaves, telling them to call if they need anything, including room service they don't usually do but they will for Mary Margaret's daughter and her boyfriend.

Emma's chest feels too tight and her voice is small when she asks Killian if he can lead her to the bed, gratefully sinking on the edge of it when he does and finally feeling like she can breathe normally again.

"Lass? Is everything alright?" Killian asks and sits down next to her, gently prying her fingers from his arm.

"I'm fine", Emma says a little harsher than necessary and feels her stomach drop at the idea of familiarizing herself with the room and the bathroom with Killian watching her.

"Are you sure? You look-"

"I need a little time on my own", Emma cuts him off and bites her lip because she didn't mean to sound so rude. "You can go downstairs and eat something. I can hear your stomach complain."

"You want me to leave you here alone?" Killian asks incredulously and now she's properly pissed off.

"I'm not helpless. I don't need you hovering around", Emma tells him and his sharp intake of breath is impossible to miss.

"Very well", he says curtly and before she can apologize the door is already closing behind him.

* * *

Killian pauses on the top of the stairs and looks back at the closed door that hides Emma from him, then shakes his head and goes down into the diner but doesn't stop to eat, just passing through on his way to the street.

He doesn't feel hungry anymore, just deeply confused with Emma's behavior and more than a little hurt by the way she had dismissed him.

Storybrooke looks like a charming, sleepy town, but Killian doesn't pay much attention to his surroundings, trying to figure out what had gotten into Emma to suddenly become so prickly; he knows that the trip was as trying on her as it was on him, but he doesn't think it's a good enough excuse for her to be mean to him.

But then again, he can only imagine how frustrating it must be to depend on others to get you from point A to point B when you're in an unfamiliar environment, so Killian decides to cut her some slack and goes into the flower shop along the way to buy Emma something to cheer her up.

He doesn't want to be away for long because he doesn't want Emma to feel abandoned, but he picks up burgers, fries and drinks at the diner and carries them back up to their room on a tray, turning down Ruby's offer to carry it for him.

"Emma? Can I come in?" He asks when she doesn't answer after he knocks on the door with his elbow and he's about to break down the door when it opens and reveals Emma, wearing jeans and that fuzzy pink sweater she loves so much, her hair in a ponytail and a guarded look on her face.

"I'm sorry", she tells him and steps back to let him in, then gently closes the door and leans against it. "I didn't mean to snap at you."

"It's alright. I brought food", he says and sets the tray on the small table before he takes off his jacket and slips the daffodil into Emma's hand. "And a flower."

"Thank you", she says softly and bites her lip, turning the stem in her fingers and looking slightly lost.

"Are you alright, love?" He asks her, all his frustration draining away because he hates to see her like this; even though she's trying to hide how uncertain she is, her eyes give her away, wide and doe-like, and he doesn't fight the instinct to take the hand that's not clutching the flower he'd given her. "Tell me what's bothering you."

"I don't want to be so needy", she says, her voice barely above a whisper and her head ducked so that he can't see her face properly.

"Swan, come on. You're not needy at all", he murmurs and tips her chin up with his fake hand, pain piercing his heart when he notices how bright her eyes are with unshed tears.

"I kept clinging to you all day today."

"You were not clinging, love, and I don't mind leading you", he says, finally realizing what all of this is about.

"You might not mind it now, but imagine doing it day in and day out, always having to guide me somewhere and doing things for me", Emma says, the pleading look in her eyes making it difficult to speak around the lump that has suddenly lodged itself into his throat.

"Emma… I don't want to sound insensitive, but it's not as bad as you think it is", he tells her cautiously and rushes to explain when she looks stricken. "I don't presume to know what's it like to be blind, but you're handling it amazingly and having you hold onto my arm is not a burden you seem to think it is. Nor will it ever be."

"You can't know that", Emma says softly and he wants to shake her and tell her he loves her but he's fairly certain that would only make her close up.

"Was is a burden to you that I wouldn't let go of your hand on the plane and that you had to talk me through the flight?" Killian tries another approach and Emma contemplates that for a moment, then shrugs and tells him that it's not the same. "Maybe not, but there are other instances when you had to help me, and until now it had never occurred to me that you might find it annoying."

"I don't!" Emma hastens to reassure him, her hand releasing his so that she can press her palm against his cheek. "I'm just so scared."

"I'm not going anywhere, Emma. I promise you", he tells her and caresses her smooth skin with his knuckles, catching a tear on his thumb and leaning in to kiss her forehead. "I know how I feel about you, and I know that I will never get tired of helping you."

"I hope so", Emma whispers and lets him hold her, and Killian realizes that there are no words that are going to convince her.

He's just going to have to show her by staying by her side no matter what.

* * *

**Review?**


	23. Silene

**Thank you for all your lovely reviews, and have some more fluffy fluff; there are just three chapters plus the epilogue left!  
**

* * *

The morning after Emma and Killian arrive to Storybrooke they meet her parents at the diner for breakfast, then enjoy a brief tour around town until they end up on the docks.

"I have to go pick up my dress", Mary Margaret announces but David doesn't step away from Emma like she expects him to.

"Killian, can you take my truck and drive my lovely bride where she needs to go?" David asks and Emma hears the sound of keys jingling, first when David takes them from his pocket, and second when he throws them in Killian's direction.

"Sure, mate, no problem", Killian says and Emma wonders what's happening between the three of them that she isn't aware of, but when Killian comes to give her a kiss and tells her that he'll see her soon, she doesn't insist that he stays.

She trusts her father, and besides, it's pretty obvious that there's something he wants to discuss with her in private.

"What's going on?" Emma asks as soon as the sound of Killian's and her mother's footsteps dies down; she closes her eye sand inhales the scent of the sea before David leads her to a bench where they both sit down facing the sea, judging by the sound of the waves lapping at the docks.

"Why do you think something's going on?" David asks innocently and nudges her shoulder with his, that simple gesture making her feel so close to him, so loved and so happy to be here.

Emma gives him a sideways look complete with raised eyebrows and he chuckles, then tells her that she's just like her mother.

"Nothing gets past her", he says, and there's such affection in his voice that Emma can't help but smile. "I wanted to talk to you about the father daughter dance."

"That's when your daughter is getting married, not when you're getting married", Emma says quickly because she absolutely cannot dance, much less with everybody watching.

"In theory yes, but I've missed all the opportunities when you were still in school, and I'd rather not wait until Killian musters up the courage to propose."

"Dad!" Emma exclaims before she can stop herself and finds herself enveloped in her father's warm embrace.

"You never called me dad before", he says, his voice choked with emotion, and she relaxes into the hug, feeling overwhelmed with affection because he smells so nice and she loves every second of being in his arms.

"Killian and I have only been together for a few months", she says him and feels him shake his head, still holding her close.

"The way he looks at you, he'd probably picked the ring already", David tells her and slowly pulls back, his hands coming to rest on her upper arms. "Listen, if you feel uncomfortable or just plain don't want to do it-"

"I can't dance", Emma says quickly because the longer she thinks about it, the more she wants to have a memory of dancing with her father.

"Sure you can. I'll lead and it will be fine."

"No, I mean, I really don't know how to dance", Emma explains and squeezes her cane in her hands, waiting for her father to backtrack and tell her that it's not so important after all.

"Would you like to learn?" He asks and takes her hand in his, his big fingers easily swallowing hers.

All her life Emma had been a woman child, too mature for her age, and this is the first moment she properly feels like somebody's daughter.

"Yes, I would."

"Come on, then", David says and pulls her to her feet, then takes her bag and cane and puts them on the bench, his hand leading hers to his shoulder before he takes her in a proper hold.

"You want to do it here?" Emma asks even though it's fairly clear that yes, he does.

"There's nobody around", David reassures her and proceeds to teach her the basic steps, and even though they are easy enough, Emma finds it hard to relax and just let him lead her. "Try to close your eyes."

"Why?"

"Come on, just try", David tells her and Emma does even though she thinks it's silly since she can't see either way, but it turns out that her father was right; it's easier to remember the steps with her eyes closed. "There we go."

"It's really important to you? Dancing with me?" Emma asks him as they sway on the worn wooden planks of the dock, and a wave of sadness washes over her because she had been missing so much growing up apart from her parents, but then her father pulls her in closer and tells her that everything they can do together is important to him.

"You're a natural."

"Just don't let me trip tomorrow", Emma tells him once the lesson is over and they are walking back toward town, retracing their steps back to Granny's.

"I would never hear the end of it if I let something happen to you", David says and Emma wishes she could imagine the smile she hears in his voice, but she doesn't feel comfortable enough yet to ask him to trace the lines of his face with her fingers.

"There you are", Mary Margaret exclaims as soon as they return to the diner and Emma slides into the booth next to Killian, his hand instantly reaching for hers.

"I missed you", he murmurs against her ear and Emma wonders briefly if her dad was right, but she decides to push those kinds of thoughts away because she's nowhere near ready to think about the future of her relationship with Killian.

She's happy with him, and that's all that matters.

"I missed you", she tells him and she can just imagine her parents exchanging meaningful looks across the table when Killian presses a kiss to the back of her hand, but she realizes that she kind of likes these public displays of affection.

Killian is with her, and he doesn't seem to care who knows, so when he slings his arm around her shoulders, Emma resists the desire to pull away and leans into his side, all her apprehension melting away.

* * *

Killian is pacing in the hallway outside Mary Margaret's bedroom, looking at his watch every five minutes and wondering what could possibly take so long.

"Have you seen my wife?" Victor asks from the top of the stairs and buttons his suit jacket, shooting a long-suffering look in Killian's direction.

"Still helping Mary Margaret and Emma dress", Killian answers and they both stare at the door for a while before simultaneously checking their watches.

"They've been in there for hours", Victor exclaims and announces that he's going to go downstairs and have a drink, and Ruby should get him once they are ready to leave.

"Emma? How much longer?" Killian asks through the door and steps back when it opens, revealing Ruby wearing a bright red dress and holding Mary Margaret's bouquet.

"Hold your horses, cowboy. Perfection takes time", Ruby says and steps aside to let Killian in, and he can practically feel his jaw hit the floor when he finally sees Emma in a pretty pink dress that flares from her waist and makes her look like a princess with her hair in a high ponytail and her cheeks tinged pink as the turns from side to side for his inspection.

"You look beautiful, Swan", he tells her and slips a corsage with a pink catchfly on her slender wrist while Mary Margaret picks up her phone and demands pictures.

"We are going to be late to church if we don't leave right now", Ruby announces and hustles her friend out of the room while Emma and Killian follow at a more sedate pace.

"What's this flower?" Emma asks him, her arm wrapped around his and her fingers touching the petals as they descend the spiral staircase into the main part of the apartment.

"Campion, also known as silene in Latin", Killian tells her and gives her a wry smile when she asks what it means. "I'll tell you later."

Emma shakes her head and lets him help her into her coat, and Killian drives them to the church in David's car while Victor plays chauffer to Ruby and Mary Margaret.

Emma and Killian sit in the first row and the rest of the church is filled to the rafters, but the citizens of Storybrooke all seem happy for the happy couple, both because of their marriage and because they have finally found their only daughter, so Killian tries to tame down his over-protectiveness, refraining from glaring at everybody who looks at Emma.

His Swan seems unaware of the attention, but she's fidgeting with her cane and Killian knows that she's not as indifferent as she appears, so Killian bumps her hand with his and she grasps it in hers, holding onto it through the service, the wedding vows making a lot of people slightly misty-eyed.

Emma closes her eyes and a few tears roll down her cheeks, and when she rests her head on Killian's shoulder he kisses her forehead and caresses the back of her hand until she sniffles and sits up straight again.

Both Mary Margaret and David turn around and smile at Emma once they put the rings on each other's fingers and Killian tells her that, receiving a nod and a meaningful look from David in return, which doesn't make him as uncomfortable as some would expect.

He'd known within a week of being with Emma that he's in it for as long as she will have him, preferably for life, but he also knows that it will be quite a feat to convince Emma to believe him.

The reception after the wedding is held in a ballroom of an imposing mansion on the edge of town, and it seems like most of the town showed up.

"Your parents have a lot of friends here", Killian notes as they make their way around the tables, people going out of their way to give them enough room to pass side by side.

"It's a small community", Emma says noncommittally, smiling about her like a long-lost princess would when facing her subjects for the first time in decades.

"You mean a lot to them, lass."

"I know", Emma says softly, and he can tell that she's only getting it now that they are surrounded with all the people her parents are going to be leaving behind.

Mary Margaret and David come into the ballroom accompanied by a big applause and sit next to Emma, who grins widely and manages to hide her wistfulness because her parents are too happy to notice how distracted she really is.

Still, when David asks her if she's ready to dance with him, Emma doesn't hesitate, and he leads her out on the dance floor, Mary Margaret blinking back tears as everybody present holds their breath and watches David dance with his daughter.

"Killian?"

"Hm?"

"Don't you dare hurt her", Mary Margaret says and looks at Killian with the same eyes Emma has, her fierce protectiveness making it impossible for him to feel offended.

"I would rather suffer than see her hurt", Killian tells her and Emma's mother nods, understanding passing between them before they go back to watching their significant others dancing.

When David returns Emma to her seat Mary Margaret kisses her cheek, then follows her husband to the center of the floor where they do the waltz in a manner that would make any dance teacher proud.

"Was I awful?" Emma asks and Killian caresses her bright red cheek with his knuckles and tells her that she was absolutely stunning.

"You appear to be a natural, Swan."

"Dad said that too, but I don't believe either of you."

"Still want to know what the flower means?" Killian asks and Emma tilts her head to the side and regards him suspiciously, perfectly able to sense a trap she can't see.

"What does it mean?"

"Will you dance with me?"

"Killian-"

"Your father got a dance", Killian attempts his best pouty voice and Emma rolls her eyes, shaking her head and telling him that she had filled her dancing quota for the year.

Emma looks stubborn, but Killian knows her well enough by now to recognize when she just needs a little encouragement.

"It would make me very happy, Swan, if you would honor me with the next slow dance", he says, his voice pitched low and his lips grazing her knuckles in what she often calls an entirely unfair way, Emma's pupils dilating with need and her reluctance to return to the dance floor melting away.

"Very well, flower boy. Take me for a spin", she tells him and their one dance ends up being a dozen, Emma standing on tiptoes and murmuring against his ear that she doesn't feel lost when she's in his arms.

He promises her that he will never let go.

* * *

**Review?**


	24. Primula

**Thank you so much for all your reviews, and I hope you keep enjoying this story; we're almost at the happy end!**

* * *

Emma comes awake slowly, scooting closer to Killian and wrapping both her arms around his, her nose pressing against his shoulder as she inhales his scent and thinks how she wouldn't mind waking like this every day of the week, not just on Saturdays.

"Morning, love", Killian murmurs, his voice still rough with sleep as he kisses the top of her head and tries to gently extricate himself from her hold.

"Don't get up yet", Emma tells him and throws her leg over his, determined to keep him in bed for a while longer instead of letting him rush off to do his chores.

"As much as I'd like to do some pleasurable activities with you, Swan, I've got quite a lot of work to do in the hothouse this fine morning", Killian says and rolls on top of her, his weight pressing her into the mattress and his lips silencing her protests.

"Can I at least help you?" Emma asks hopefully and smoothes her thumbs over Killian's scruffy cheeks, fluttering her eyelashes for good measure.

"Of course you can, love", Killian answers, and he sounds stunned that she would think he might not welcome her help.

"Even if it would be quicker if you did it on your own?" Emma asks and bites her lip, abruptly wishing that she hadn't even asked.

"If I worried about how long something would take I'd never get anything done", Killian tells her and kisses her frown, bushing his nose along hers before he presses his lips against her cheek and smiles.

God she loves it when he does that, allowing her to feel the upward tilt of his lips on her skin and never making her feel bad because he's forced to do that if he wants her to know he's smiling.

"Swan? Are you alright? You look sad", he says and rests his weight on his elbow, his fingertips tracing her jaw and the dent in her chin, making her wish she could see his eyes so badly it's an almost physical pain in her chest. "Hey, Emma, it's okay."

Killian pulls her into a tight embrace and holds her until she gets over her frustration, then tells her that they make quite the team and that he's not worried about her slowing him down, so she shouldn't be either.

And so they get up, feed Daisy and have a quick breakfast before they walk to the hothouses where Killian covers her hands with his and shows her how to replant the orchids, pressing a kiss to her temple before he goes to bring her more.

"I told you we make quite the team", he says a few hours later when they've done everything he had planned for today and Emma beams at him, feeling ridiculously pleased with herself.

"How did u ever manage without me?" She teases and he doesn't chuckle like she expects, just gives her an unexpected kiss and tells her that he really doesn't know.

For a moment she's scared that he might tell her he loves her but thankfully he doesn't, just waits until she takes his arm and leads her back to the house where he sets about teaching her how to cook chicken breasts; her repertoire has been expanding since she met him but she still doesn't dare cook when he's not around.

"I really wish I could skip work on Monday", Emma says out of the blue, surprising both herself and Killian because she's not really the type to whine, always suffering in silence.

"Mondays are difficult", Killian agrees, his hand bumping hers as they both pet Daisy where she's curled on Emma's lap.

"It's not that."

"What is it, then?"

"My job is just so boring", Emma exclaims, slouching against Killian's chest and covering his fingers with hers, measuring their length and releasing them again to keep petting Daisy.

"I thought you liked working in the office", Killian says, sounding surprised with her sudden outburst, and Emma decides to tell him everything.

"I like working with Elsa, but what we do just seems… empty. Not to mention the gossip-mill that doesn't ever let up", Emma says and smiles when Daisy nudges her fingers with her cold nose, demanding more petting from her adopted mistress. "Sometimes I wish I could just breed dogs for a living."

"In that tiny apartment of yours?" Killian asks, and she knows he's teasing by his inflection and the kiss he presses to her temple.

"I could do it here. You've got plenty of space", Emma says, grinning at the picture of puppies falling over one another that forms in her mind.

"You're welcome to move in and start chasing that dream whenever you want", Killian tells her and Emma's eyes widen, her fingers stilling on Daisy's fur as she tries to figure out if Killian is being serious or not. "If you want."

"You want us to live together? Here?" Emma asks him slowly and turns around to press her fingers against his face, still unsure if she heard him correctly.

"We spend most of the week together anyway, and sleep in each other's bed more often than our own", Killian says calmly, as if moving in together isn't a big deal at all. "Plus, if you moved here, your parents could take your place and abandon their unsuccessful flat hunt."

"You gave this a lot of thought already, didn't you?" Emma asks and Killian ducks his head, his lips stretching into an undoubtedly sheepish smile.

"I gave it some thought", he admits and kisses her fingers, then tells her that she doesn't have to decide today or even this month. "The offer stands, whenever you're ready to consider it."

"Thank you", Emma says and rests her head against his chest, grateful that he doesn't expect an answer right away because he's well aware of her fear of change and the unknown.

The surprising thing is that her desire to run isn't nearly as strong as you'd expect.

* * *

Emma is late to work again because lately she's not sleeping well without Killian beside her, and she feels exhausted in the morning, which causes her to drag around too slow to be ready to leave when she's supposed to. Add to that an inevitable stop at Killian's shop to get a morning kiss and the result is her rushing into the Hall fifteen minutes past eight o'clock.

Thankfully, her boss is a generous and wonderful mountain of a man who wraps his arm around her shoulders and asks her if everything is alright.

"It won't happen again", Emma says quickly, feeling both foolish and full of anticipation because she's now seriously contemplating Killian's offer.

"It's not like you to be late, especially three times in the same week", Emma's boss says and she's forced to tell him that she didn't sleep well which made her sluggish and caused her lateness, but even though she had never mentioned Killian to him he jokes about her boyfriend keeping her up all night.

"Jerry!" Emma exclaims, horrified at the idea that her love life has been a subject of gossip in the hallways.

"Try to be punctual no matter how hot your boyfriend is", Jerry says and she leaves his office feeling guilty even though he could've been much harder on her than he was.

"Was he mad?" Elsa asks as soon as Emma comes into their office, sitting on the edge of her desk and laying her hand on Emma's shoulder when her friend doesn't answer right away. "Emma?"

"Have you met him? He's never mad."

"You sound weird."

"Killian wants me to move in with him", Emma blurts out and waits for Elsa to tell her that the idea is insane considering the fact that they've been dating for less than six months.

"You're considering it", Elsa says instead and Emma takes off her coat and drapes it over the back of her chair to give herself time to formulate an answer.

"Maybe."

"Reasons why you shouldn't, go."

"We've been together for a short time."

"Not really a reason", Elsa says and Emma pictures her impatiently waving her hand in the air. "Next."

"What if my presence starts annoying him? Or he starts annoying me?"

"Better to find that out sooner rather than later, don't you think?"

"You're supposed to tell me it's not a good idea", Emma says and Elsa laughs, then goes back behind her desk and tells Emma that it's time they both stopped anticipating the worst.

Since she was late, Emma spends her lunch break attempting to work and ends up contemplating Elsa's words instead, but her mind is not made up until the moment she walks into Killian's shop and he greets her with a kiss while simultaneously pressing a small flower into her hand.

"I found it in my garden today. The first primrose of the year", he tells her and just like that, she knows what she's supposed to do.

"Does the offer still stand?"

"For you to move in? Of course", Killian says, the excitement in his voice impossible to miss.

"I just have one condition", Emma tells him and he presses her hand to his cheek, nodding enthusiastically.

"Whatever you wish, love."

"Can we have a trial run? For like a week or so?"

"In case you can't abide my snoring?" Killian asks, chuckling when she gives him a mock scowl and tells him to be serious.

"I've found a cure against your snoring already."

"Did you indeed?"

"I just give you a push and you immediately stop", Emma informs him and he laughs, telling her that they can do the trial run if she wants, even though he's certain that they will get along like a house on fire.

"Killian! That's not funny", Emma informs him and hits his shoulder, then stands on her tiptoes and gives him a kiss, slipping the primrose into her pocket and tangling her fingers in his hair when he presses her against the wall. "If I move in with you, it will be your responsibility to get me to work on time."

"There is no if, Swan, and it will be my pleasure to drop you off every morning", Killian says, his hand sliding down her back to cup her butt, and it takes her a lot of willpower to put some distance between them again.

"I'm gonna go pack a bag, and you'll come get me on your way home? We can go shopping too, since I know you're running low on coffee again", Emma tells him and he gives her another earth-shattering kiss before she wiggles out of his embrace and leaving the shop, resisting the urge to skip along all the way home.

She thinks that she should be nervous or at least apprehensive because she's about to move in with Killian, worrying about the future and what will happen if their trial run doesn't go well, but for some strange reason she's not.

When her mother calls, Emma hesitates to tell her about her plans at first, but then she remembers Christmas and how her parents had panicked when they didn't find her at home, so she ends up blurting out everything and bracing herself for her mother's warnings.

"I'm surprised it took you and Killian so long to decide to do this", Mary Margaret says and Emma is too speechless to say anything to that.

"You think it's a good idea?"

"David predicted it would happen weeks ago."

Emma finishes the call soon after that, but not before Mary Margaret asks her daughter if she'd be willing to let them move into her apartment, surprising her again with her faith that everything will work out okay.

When Killian comes to get Emma later that afternoon, she has still not decided on whether she should take her little box of treasures with her, but the idea of leaving it behind makes her feel uneasy, so she gives it to Killian, trusting that he will handle it with great care.

"We're going to come back for the flowers over the weekend", Killian says and Emma locks up after him, then follows him downstairs and to the parking lot behind her building.

Daisy crawls between the seats as soon as Emma gets into the car, sensing that something exciting is happening and curling on Emma's lap as Killian drives them all home.

The second Emma puts her toothbrush in a cup next to Killian's, she practically feels her feet sprouting roots and when she crawls into bed next to him, she knows without a shadow of a doubt that this is where she will stay.

"Is everything okay? Do you need me to get you anything?" Killian asks and Emma shushes him with a kiss, then finds the hem of his t-shirt and pulls it up over his head, her fingers caressing his arms as she wraps her lips around his nipple, swirling her tongue around it and smiling at his sharp intake of breath.

His hand and stump lift up her nightgown before he rolls her on top of him, pressing against her in the most perfect way as he wraps her hair around his wrist and sucks on her neck, marking her skin and making blood rush faster through her veins.

Nothing has ever ignited her the way Killian's touch does, but as he makes her soar higher and higher she comes to the conclusion that it's not what makes her love him; she loves him for the way he handles her, the way he makes her feel when he holds her and for the words he whispers in the dark that brighten her world and make her feel whole again.

She loves Killian because his arms are the home she'd been searching for since she was old enough to understand what being homeless means.

* * *

**Review?**


	25. Paeonia

**Thank you for all your reviews, and I hope you enjoy a little more angst; there are just one more chapter and the epilogue left before the happy ending.  
**

* * *

It's been two weeks since Emma had moved in with Killian and aside from the fact that Killian keeps forgetting not to move things around (general things like the remote control, never those belonging to Emma), living with somebody is easier than he had expected it would be after a lifetime of being alone. They divide house chores evenly, but more than once he ends up helping her because he honestly doesn't mind as long as they spend time together, and in return she assists him with some of the trickier bouquets.

Daisy is ecstatic with the new development and Emma's parents are too, moving into her apartment on the same weekend she takes the rest of her things to Killian's house.

"Killian, phone!" Emma yells from the living room and he shakes his head, wiping his hand on a dish rag before he jogs to the living room to find Emma scratching Daisy under her chin with a serene look on her face; he complains half-heartedly that this is her home too and therefore she doesn't have to let him answer every call. "But mostly it's for you."

"This time it's not", Killian tells her after he picks up and taps her shoulder with the phone, wondering what had gotten Elsa so excited.

"Hello?"

Emma listens to her friend for a moment, a frown wrinkling her forehead, and Killian doesn't go back to washing dishes, sitting down on the couch next to Emma instead and laying his hand on her knee.

"Are you okay? Did something happen?" Emma asks and leans her shoulder against Killian's, gently pushing Daisy away to stop her from trying to lick her face.

Killian watches Emma steadily, his thumb rubbing a pattern into her jeans as he waits for her to finish the call.

"See you soon, then", Emma says and sets the phone on the coffee table, then slides her fingers between Killian's and turns her head to face him. "Will and Elsa are on their way here."

"I hope they are bringing a housewarming present", Killian jokes but Emma doesn't seem too enthusiastic about the unexpected visit, which surprises him because she never misses a chance to spend time with Elsa even though they are together every day at work.

Half an hour later Will and Elsa are settled on the couch in the living room and Emma closes Daisy in the bedroom to stop Elsa's sneezing fit; Killian is about to go make coffee and tea when Elsa announces that she'll take tea like Will and Killian had never before seen his friend grin like this; he's practically bouncing in his seat, looking like an overgrown four-year old.

"You seem frighteningly jittery, mate. What's got you so excited?" Killian asks and glances Emma's way to find her sitting quietly in her favorite armchair, her face too pal, her smile somehow off.

"Elsa is having a baby!" Will exclaims and quickly hastens to add that _they_ are having a baby.

"We wanted you to be the first to know because we're going to elope and I want Emma to be my maid of honor."

"And if you'd consider being my best man, I'd appreciate it", Will tells Killian, but he's too busy watching Emma sway in her seat, looking like she might faint, her eyes wide and focused in Elsa's general direction.

"Of course I'll be your best man", Killian says and claps Will on the back, trying to figure out what's gotten into Emma because Elsa looks stricken, an uncertain smile hovering on her lips.

"Emma? It's okay if you don't want to be my maid of honor", Elsa says, her voice piercing the room and quieting Will's exuberance.

"I was just a little surprised; of course I'll be your maid of honor", Emma says, but the slight upward tilt of her lips does nothing to reassure Killian, and it finally hits him why is Emma so devastated.

Elsa is going to have a baby and Emma had given up hers before it was even born.

"Swan", Killian murmurs but Emma shakes her head, wordlessly telling him to stay away and let her deal with this on her own, so Killian doesn't go to her, watching her make her way to the couch, her hands finding Elsa's shoulders and pulling her up into a tight embrace.

"You're my best friend", Emma whispers and Elsa returns the hug, squeezing her tightly and rocking her from side to side, hopefully understanding that Emma's weird behavior isn't personal. "Congratulations."

"Let's have a drink. In the kitchen", Killian says and leads Will away to give Emma and Elsa some privacy, casting one last look at his Swan as she holds Elsa close, her eyes closed and her lips pressed together against the pain.

"What was that all about?" Will asks as Killian pours him a shot of rum, then distracts him with a toast because he doesn't have any intention to share Emma's devastating secret with anybody without talking to her about it first.

He hopes Emma is telling Elsa everything, though, and pours Will another shot, letting him talk about their plans to his heart's content, but he's unable to stop himself from imagining what his and Emma's child would look like.

It's a while later that Emma and Elsa join them again and Killian now knows more about the woes of fathers-to-be than he had ever expected to learn from Will, and he gladly focuses his attention on Emma, handing her a shot of rum she downs without asking what it is, then leans against the kitchen island next to him and wraps her fingers against his arm, her face pressing against his shoulder.

"You alright, love?" Killian murmurs against the top of her head and she shrugs, wordlessly holding out her glass for more rum.

It's painfully clear that she's not at all alright.

Killian knows that alcohol is going to make her feel even worse later, but after she nudges his hand impatiently, he grits his teeth and pours her another round.

* * *

Emma is tipsy by the time Will and Elsa leave, and Killian trails after her when she staggers toward their bedroom to let Daisy out because he's afraid she's going to run into a wall or the doorway in her present inebriated state.

"Why are you following me?" She snaps at him as she searches for the knob on the wrong side of the door and Killian opens it for her, telling her that he's just looking out for her.

The words are barely out of his mouth before he realizes his mistake and Emma whirls on him, stabbing the air with her finger and telling him to stop.

"I was fine on my own before you showed up and I don't appreciate you treating me like an invalid", she says and gets into the room, slamming the door in his face, leaving him standing in the hallway with his mouth open and his hand in the air where he had planned to reach for her.

He hears her murmuring something to Daisy and decides that it would be the best if he made himself scarce, so he goes back to the kitchen to finally finish washing the dishes; once that's sorted he retreats to the garden and just walks aimlessly around before he remembers that he still hadn't given Emma a flower today, which prompts him to choose one and return to the house just as the sky starts darkening.

"Killian?" Emma asks as soon as he opens the door and he greets her wearily, the bouquet of peonies he'd picked getting squished between them when she throws her arms around his waist and buries her face against his chest. "I thought you'd left me."

"Swan, no. I was just out in the garden."

"I'm so sorry", she apologizes, her voice muffled and her arms squeezing him tighter. "I ruined the flowers."

"You didn't ruin anything, lass", he tells her and carefully brushes her hair behind her shoulder with his fake hand because his real one is still trapped between them.

"I don't want kids", Emma says quickly and pulls away, turning her back on him before he recovers sufficiently enough to speak. "I should've told you that right away but I never knew how because I wanted more time with you."

"I don't understand."

"I can't be a mother. I just can't."

"Wait, wait, Swan", he says when she starts walking away, the flowers landing on the couch so that he can catch her arm and halt her progress. "Where are you going?"

"I heard you with Will and Elsa. You want to be a father someday, and that means I'm just wasting your time", Emma says and he is too stunned to find the right words, but he doesn't let her pull away.

"Emma, please."

"Let me go, Killian. I won't change my mind."

"Nobody's asking you to change your mind!" Killian exclaims, his stomach clenching because Emma looks so listless, her gaze locked somewhere around his shoulder and her face too pale aside from two spots of red high on her cheeks.

He realizes in that moment that he loves her too much to be apart from her even if they never have children.

"So suddenly you don't want kids?" Emma asks him, and she sounds so calm, so resigned that he wants to shake her a little to make her see reason.

"I want you, Swan. I want a life with you, and that's what I have", he tells her and her eyes widen with surprise, her hands rising to cup his cheeks.

"Even if you have to give up fatherhood?" She asks him softly, her voice a mere whisper and her fingers gently smoothing over his cheeks as if she's trying to see him one last time.

"Rather than giving you up? Of course", he tells her because he can't imagine a life without her anymore, and it's easier to give up an idea of something than the person you love most in this world.

"I would love to have babies with you someday, but I would never force you into something you don't want."

"I'm just not fit to be a mother", Emma says and there's so much pain written on her face that he doesn't care about anything but putting a smile on it again.

"I think you would be a wonderful mother, love, and you would have all the support you'd need from me and your parents", he tells her and pulls her closer with his bad arm before he lifts her chin with his fingers.

"But I would never see my child. I wouldn't be able to protect them and help them with homework and God knows how many other things. I would miss out on so much, and what's worse, they would too", Emma says, her sad eyes meeting his and making him feel so hopeless because he knows that in a way, she's right.

"I don't think our child would feel like they were missing something because you can't see, or because I only have one hand as long as we loved them, and I have no doubt that we would be pretty successful in doing that", Killian says and Emma blinks fast, looking like she might cry, so he pulls her in for a hug and tells her that they can start raising puppies first and see how that goes.

"I'm not going to change my mind", Emma sighs, ignoring his joke and lifting her eyes in an attempt to meet his, his knuckles wiping away the tears that roll down her smooth cheek.

"I won't love you any less if you don't", Killian says and loosens his embrace a little because he doesn't want to hold her back if she decides to put some distance between them.

Emma doesn't run this time, the corner of her mouth lifting in a half-smile as she traces her thumb over his scruff, then stands on tiptoes and kisses him.

She doesn't tell him she loves him too, but he can taste it in her kiss, read it on her lips even though they don't utter a word.

Killian pushes the image of an adorable blonde girl with pigtails into the back of his mind and focuses all his attention on kissing Emma before he picks her up and carries her to their room, spending the rest of the evening spelling love over every inch of her flushed skin.

* * *

**Review?**


	26. Citrus

**I am still slightly stunned with the positive response I got to this story and I can't thank you enough for that. It was a bumpy ride, but we're almost to the happy ending, just the epilogue left for tomorrow.  
**

* * *

Emma sits on the porch swing Killian had finally installed last weekend after about two hours of cursing and grunting and refusing to let her call her dad for help. She didn't push because she understands Killian's fierce need to be independent and prove to himself that he can do everything even if it takes him longer than it would if he still had two hands, and she's proud of him for not giving up and succeeding in the end.

"It's nice to know that after all the trouble I'd gone through to set up this bloody thing, there's no room on it for me", Killian says from the doorway and Emma rolls her eyes, gathering Daisy into her lap and making way for him to sit.

"You're such a drama queen", Emma tells him fondly, leaning against him when he puts his arm around her shoulders and searching for his hand so that she can entwine their fingers.

"You love me regardless", he says and she kisses his neck, murmuring her agreement even though she still can't manage to get the words pass her lips.

It should be easy telling him that she loves him because she feels it with every fiber of her being, but every time she tries, she remembers that it was the last thing she had told Neal before the crash and then it feels like she's choking on the words.

Killian is infinitely patient and she's grateful for that, but it's been weeks since he had said the words and she cannot deny that the weight of what she can't get past her lips feels like a burden that's getting heavier every passing day.

Her fingers encounter the tattoo on his hand and she suddenly knows the perfect way to show him what she can't express verbally.

"Let's go away", Killian says abruptly and Emma blinks in surprise, absentmindedly pushing Daisy's nose away when she tries to nudge them apart and settle between them.

"Away where?"

"For my birthday next weekend", he explains and Emma can't help remembering their last trip and Killian's fear of flying.

"That's not fair!" Emma exclaims in mock outrage and holds his chin between her thumb and index finger. "Now I can't say I don't want to go."

"Of course you can. If you don't want to go, we don't go", Killian tells her and she shakes her head, grinning widely and telling him that she would very much like to go away with him. Even if we take the car?"

"Last time you took the plane for me, so I think I can manage the car for you", Emma says and realizes that she's not even a little bit scared. "Where are we going?"

"It's a surprise", Killian tells her and kisses her before she can tell him that she's not good at being patient, and before long Daisy is banished from the porch swing as Killian distracts Emma further so she doesn't ask any more questions.

In the days that come Killian resists all Emma's attempts to uncover their destination but she finds immense pleasure in the fact that he doesn't know that she's got a secret of her own too.

On Thursday they pack their bags and Killian puts them in the back of his truck along with Daisy's food because Elsa and Will are on their honeymoon and Emma's apartment is too small for Emma's parents and a lively dog, but neither Emma nor Killian mind that Daisy is coming along on their romantic getaway.

They are supposed to leave on Friday as soon as Emma can get off work, so Killian doesn't question her when she texts him instead of showing up at Granny's during her lunch break, and she feels only slightly guilty for telling him that she's got some things at work that she needs to catch on.

It's true that she's a little behind, but she can catch up quickly, and she's actually meeting her father, who drives her to the closest tattoo parlor with minimal amount of questioning her determination to get another tattoo.

"Your mother will kill me when I tell her where we've been today", David says as they wait at a stop-light and Emma smiles to herself because she had never imagined that someday she would have a father, much less one so easily wrapped around her finger.

"Then don't tell her."

"We don't have secrets between us", David says and chuckles to himself when he tells her that Mary Margaret would somehow figure it out anyway.

"Tell her that I'm a grown woman capable of making my own decisions", Emma says and asks him again if he thinks that the flower she had printed out looks good.

"Your mother knows that, and yes, it looks beautiful."

Emma feels butterflies in her stomach and quite a lot of apprehension but the tattoo artist puts her at ease and traces the flower on her skin with a pen first so that she can get the idea of what it will look like, and half an hour later Emma comes out with a bandage taped to her shoulder blade and a bright smile despite the pain she had just endured.

"Killian better appreciate his birthday present of he'll have me to answer to", David says on their way back to City Hall and Emma tells him that she's sure he will.

There's nobody who can appreciate a flower tattoo with a deeper meaning more than Killian Jones.

* * *

Killian waits for Emma on the steps of the City Hall with Daisy sitting next to him, but all her manners go through the proverbial window as soon as Emma comes out of the building; she takes off at a dead run, barking happily and nudging Emma's legs until she gives in and crouches to pet her.

"You missed me very much, didn't you?" Emma coos and Killian smiles to himself when it occurs to him that although Daisy is supposedly his dog, it's obvious that she considers Emma her mistress.

"We always miss you, love", Killian tells her and pulls her to her feet when she holds out her hand, then proceeds to give her a thorough kiss.

"Easy, tiger", Emma murmurs against his lips and drops from her tiptoes, folds her cane and puts it into her pocket as she tells him to get a move on if he doesn't want them to be stuck in traffic for the next hour. "How long is the drive, anyway?"

"Nice try", Killian says and starts descending the steps with Emma holding onto his arm.

"Oh come on. It's not like I have a map of the United States memorized in my head."

"You have a pretty impressive memory", Killian says and opens the car door for her, waiting until she puts her seatbelt on before he lets Daisy curl on her lap.

"Not that impressive", Emma says and pulls him down for another kiss, then gives him the most unfair pout that makes it difficult to resist her, but somehow he manages and jogs around the car, slipping into the driver's seat and carefully easing into traffic.

"Just relax and enjoy the ride, love", he tells her and Emma gives him the eyebrow, her fingers wrapping around his wrist and her body shifting sideways so that she's leaning against her seat with her shoulder and facing him.

"Watch the road, hotshot, and maybe I will", she says and he wants to kick himself for such a poor choice of words.

"You know what I meant", he tells her and he can see her nodding out of the corner of his eye; he had never told her that he makes it a point not to look at her when he's driving because he doesn't want to take any chances with her in the car.

One devastating traffic accident in her life was more than enough.

"At least tell me if we get there before or after midnight", Emma asks and he finally gives in, telling her that they should reach their destination around 11 p.m.

"But we stop for dinner in a few hours so it's not all driving", he hastens to add and Emma's grip on his arm loosens a little, her free hand rubbing Daisy's back in a motion that probably soothes Emma more than the dog.

Killian turns on the radio because he knows the music helps Emma relax and he drives in relative silence until they reach the restaurant Killian had chosen because they have an outdoor patio which means that they don't have to leave Daisy in the truck.

After a delicious dinner Emma asks their waitress to show her to a bathroom and Killian takes Daisy across the road so that she can do her business, and then they go back into the car for the last part of their trip.

Emma seems to feel as giddy and excited as he does and he wonders if she had somehow managed to figure out their destination, but he had sworn her parents to secrecy and nobody else knows where they are headed.

It's closer to midnight than eleven when Killian finally turns into the parking lot of a quaint little B&amp;B that's facing the beach and Emma inhales deeply when he opens her door, her eyes widening when she realizes what she's smelling.

"The ocean", she says reverently and unbuckles her seatbelt while Killian lowers Daisy to the ground, holding her collar to keep her from running off and watching Emma's face as she climbs out of the truck. "We're close to the ocean."

"We're actually about a hundred yards away from it; it only occurred to me after we left Storybrooke that I never took you to the beach", Killian tells her and clicks Daisy's leash on, slipping it around his wrist and taking Emma's hand in his. "Do you want to take a walk before we check into the B&amp;B?"

"I would love nothing more", Emma says and stands on tiptoes, her lips finding his cheek first, then his mouth, and she kisses him so fiercely that he groans, wishing they could go to their room first after all. "Come on."

"This way", Killian says and leads her forward, and she squeals in delight when her sandals sink into the still-warm sand despite the late hour.

The beach is deserted and Daisy keeps tugging on her leash so Killian releases her when they reach the water-line and proceeds to describe all her antics to Emma, who laughs and slips off her shoes, fearlessly walking forward until the low tide reaches her toes.

"It's cold", she exclaims but doesn't retreat and Killian quickly gets rid of his shoes and joins her, wrapping his arms around her waist from behind and resting his head on her shoulder. "Ouch!"

"Swan, what's wrong?" He says and pulls away, squinting at her bare legs in the weak moonlight, expecting to find a jellyfish burn.

"I'm fine", Emma reassures him and reaches for her watch, opening the lid and tracing the hands to determine what time it is.

"Are you sure?"

"Are we alone?" She asks him and he looks around in surprise, telling her that apart from Daisy, they are.

"Happy birthday, Killian", she says and kisses him, then takes a step away from him, turns around and pulls her t-shirt up and off, showing him the creamy perfection of her back and the tattoo that wasn't there just last night when he had kissed every inch of her smooth skin.

"Orange blossom", he says, easily identifying the flower on her shoulder blade, his fingers hovering above the delicately drawn initial of his first name in one of the petals.

"Do you know what it means?" Emma asks him and turns her head as if looking at him over her shoulder, breath hitching in his throat when he realizes what she's trying to tell him without actually saying it.

"It means eternal love", he says softly and kisses her shoulder, then turns her around and cups her cheek in his hand, his eyes caressing her beautiful face and their gazes locking together as she grins up at him when her fingers discover a mile wide smile that's stretching his lips.

"Do you understand?" She asks him and Killian nods, kissing her fingers and verbalizing his answer for good measure.

"I understand, my love", he tells her, and in that moment he knows without a shadow of a doubt that he's going to marry this woman someday, and he vows silently that it's going to be on a beach, if not this exact one.

Emma snuggles into his embrace and presses her nose against his neck, her hands sliding underneath his shirt and her fingertips tracing up his old tattoo, easily smoothing out his rough edges.

Killian closes his eyes, just holding her close and listening to the sound of the waves breaking against the sand, and when he inhales all he can smell is the flowery cocktail of Emma's shampoo; he decides that it's his favorite scent in the world, dearer to him than that of the most fragrant flower in his garden.

He had never loved anybody or anything more than he loves his Swan girl, and he doubts that he ever will.

* * *

**Review?**


	27. Epilogue

**And here we are at the end of another story; thank you so much for your continued support of my fics and I hope this won't be the last time. I hope you enjoy the conclusion and the very happy ending.  
**

* * *

_three years later_

On the morning of Killian's wedding to Emma Swan he's standing in front of the floor-length mirror buttoning his shirt and feeling his stomach roil with both apprehension and excitement. He hadn't seen Emma since last night and he misses her more than he had imagined possible, but he's willing to stay in this room for another hour lest he run into her in the hallways of Granny's B&amp;B.

There's a knock on the door and Killian hopes it's Will on the other side, coming to help him with his bow-tie because it's still something he can't get a hang of doing with his prosthetic hand.

"Come in", he yells but nothing happens and he approaches the door, intending to yank it open when Emma's voice stops him in his tracks.

"It's me."

"What are you doing here, love? I'm not supposed to see you before the wedding", Killian tells her softly, his hand wrapping around the knob because he wants to throw the stupid superstition out of the window and just kiss his bride.

"You could close your eyes", Emma says and there's a catch in her voice that lets him know that she really needs his arms right now.

"Alright", he agrees and does just that, opening the door and reaching out his hand until he finds her arm, gently pulling her into the room.

"Hey, you", she murmurs and embraces him, her nose pressing against his neck and her slender body molding against his.

"Are you alright?" He asks, his hands resting on the small of her back, careful not to mess up the elaborate waves that tickle his skin.

"I didn't sleep well without you", she tells him and presses a kiss against his jaw line, her fingers sliding through his hair and guiding him to her lips.

They kiss slowly, lazily, and Killian feels himself instantly relaxing, the wedding day jitters leaving him completely because he's already got everything he wants, and the impending ceremony is just that; a ritual that won't really change anything.

"Emma!" Mary Margaret exclaims from the doorway and Killian almost opens his eyes, the safe bubble around him and Emma breaking when they jump apart.

"I'll see you soon, love", Killian says and Emma's hand finds his and squeezes before her mother leads her away and the door closes behind them.

Will shows up a few minutes later and Killian finishes dressing, and then they go downstairs to have a shot of liquid courage before walking down to the beach where the wedding is about to take place.

The sky is cloudy but it doesn't seem like it's going to rain in the next few hours and Killian inhales the scent of the ocean, carefully holding the bouquet he had made for Emma and standing in front of the arch with Will by his side.

The wedding party is small, consisting mostly of Storybrooke citizens who have become friends since Killian, Emma and her parents have moved to town, and Killian smiles to himself because it seems that Will, Elsa and their little boy might be relocating too, going by Elsa's enthusiasm over Storybrooke's charms.

There's no music as Emma walks down the sandy aisle on her father's arm but Killian is hearing angles sing because she looks like a fairytale princess dressed into a simple white gown that only accentuates her beauty.

"Here's your bouquet", Killian says once she's standing in front of him and she brings it to her nose, inhaling the scent of all her favorite flowers, and he doubts that anybody minds the wild clash of colors in her hands.

"Thank you", Emma says and stands on his left, Elsa taking her place beside her as they face the ocean.

Killian is barely listening to what's being said, too busy watching Emma's face and her little smiles; her hand is wrapped around his arm and his fingers are covering hers as they say their vows, only releasing each other long enough to slip wedding bands on the ring fingers of their right hands, ignoring the tradition because Killian doesn't have a left hand.

As soon as they are pronounced husband and wife Killian pulls Emma close and kisses her as if there's nobody watching, her flushed cheeks and the way her body sways into his giving him immense satisfaction, but it doesn't compare to the elation he feels a little while later when he leads her into their first dance and she stands on her tiptoes to whisper that she loves him against his ear.

She has been showing him that she does for years, but finally hearing it feels like a true miracle, and one he's not likely to forget.

"I know", he whispers and peers at her face, grinning when she chuckles and lets him twirl her around the dance floor, trusting that he's not going to let her stumble.

And he never does.

* * *

Daisy had her third litter of puppies two days ago and Emma sits on the floor next to her bed, holding the tiniest one in her hand and trying to feed him milk from a needleless syringe because he's too weak to suck on his own.

"Come on, baby you have to eat", she tells him, feeling on the verge of tears because she doesn't want to lose him; it prompts her to make a deal with whomever might be listening that she's going to keep him if only he survives.

"Let me give it a go", Killian says and sits down next to her, his lips pressing a soothing kiss against her temple, and she surrenders the puppy, her hand covering his shivering body when Killian cradles him in the crook of his bad arm.

"Be careful", Emma warns and Killian assures her that it will be okay, talking to the puppy in a hushed voice as he coaxes him to drink the milk.

"Just a little bit more, there you go", Killian murmurs and Emma suddenly realizes that even though she had never seen his cornflower blue eyes or his smile, she had heard his laughter countless times and felt the steady touch of his hand, she had smelled the ocean scent of his skin and tasted love on his lips, and all those things outweigh what she'll always be missing.

And so, as she sits next to her husband who's doing his utmost to feed a puppy that anybody else would write off as a lost cause, Emma realizes that the idea of having his baby isn't so frightening anymore. It would be a huge challenge for sure, but she knows that Killian would help her with everything and spend hours describing their kid to her, just like her mother had described Killian until her father had huffed in annoyance and said that Killian's eyes are definitely not bluer than his.

Emma chuckles at the memory and rests her cheek against Killian's shoulder, grinning widely when he asks her what's so funny.

"I just remembered how my mother got in trouble with dad because she said that your eyes are prettier."

"My eyes _are_ prettier", Killian says and Emma doesn't doubt that for a second because she had heard enough about the galaxies in his eyes so many times that she can imagine them relatively well, all that bright blue interspersed with flecks of darker color.

"Is he eating?"

"Almost done with the syringe", Killian says and Emma relaxes a little, smoothing her fingers over the puppy's body and feeling slightly more confident that he's going to make it.

That night Emma can't sleep so she slips out of bed and goes to check on the puppies in the living room, and once she's satisfied that they are all breathing she sits in front of her laptop and ends up on babynames dot com without really remembering how she got there.

"The meaning of the name Arianthe; song, flower", Killian reads from behind her and puts his hand and stump on her shoulders when she jumps in surprise. "Sorry, didn't mean to scare you. Why are you looking for puppy names on this page?"

"I'm not looking for puppy names", Emma tells him and stands up, tugging on his hand and leading him to the couch.

"Why are you looking for baby names, then?" He asks, his voice easily betraying how hopeful he is.

"I'm not pregnant", she tells him because she doesn't want him to come to the wrong conclusion and then end up disappointed.

"Oh, right", he says and it seems that it's already a bit late for that. "Sorry, love. I know we agreed not to have kids-"

"I'm not pregnant, but I'm not adverse to the idea anymore", Emma tells him and cups his cheeks in her hands, her thumbs smoothing over his dimples when he grins.

She's pretty sure that his smile would be able to light up the whole world.

"I really hope I'm not dreaming", Killian says and she assures him that he's not, and when his arms envelop her and he presses a searching kiss against her lips, she knows that she had made the right decision.

Emma is already blissfully happy, but it will be worth facing and conquering her fears to give Killian the child that will make their life together even more wonderful.

"I love you, Swan", he murmurs against her ear and she lets him carry her back to their bedroom where they make love until they are both exhausted and Emma can finally still her mind enough to fall asleep, safely wrapped in the arms of love.

* * *

**Review?**


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